Clareified

Where does the good go

Archive for July, 2009

Announcement

Friday, July 31st, 2009 by Dawn Summers

“The man’s never had a Duff in his LIFE” – Homer Simpson

I don’t know what the “Suds Summit” was about. Did you see the photos? None of those dudes look like they ever had a beer in their damn lives. GET BOTTLES ya PANSIES.

AND WHAT UP WITH BIDEN??? NON ALCOHOLIC BEER??????????????? What the hell was he doing there ANYWAY? Was Crowley all “I would feel more comfortable if another White Guy was there…apologies to your white side, Mr. President?”

I see Biden’s face -that idiotic grin – and I want to bash my TV.

I am one more “Biden gaffe” from voting third party if he’s on the ticket in ’12.

So yeah, that’ll be in…what? Two, three hours?

Please note

Friday, July 31st, 2009 by Dawn Summers

This is not the post where I cry because Vinnay’s football blog has more comments than my football blog.
Or hang my head because his might also be funnier than mine. :-(

Thank God my football team has won the superbowl or I just might be despondent right now.

In 50 words or less…

Thursday, July 30th, 2009 by Dawn Summers

What the hell is wrong with Joe Jackson?

On rumors that Michael Jackson had a “secret” son…

Or at least a son who was secret up until last month, when 25-year-old Norwegian Omer Bhatti’s placement next to the Jackson family in the front row of his memorial—not to mention his undeniable resemblance to the late King of Pop and the fact that he spent eight years living at Neverland Ranch—got tongues wagging.

Papa Joe’s included.

“I knew he had another son, yes I did,” he said. “He looks like a Jackson, he acts like a Jackson, he can dance like a Jackson…”

Twitter

Thursday, July 30th, 2009 by Dawn Summers

I know I said I would do a “tweets of the week” feature so that you could see my genius without having to join twitter.
But, um, it turns out, boy do I have A TON of genius. I mean, how could I even begin to choose which of my incredibly awesome tweetage to repost here. I’d only end up posting all of it and (um, truth be told) there’s A LOT of it.
Like for instance, last night, I’m playing in this online tournament and the online poker site allows you to chat with the other players at the table; except, one time a couple of years ago I jokingly wrote “you should give a nigga some notice before you raise,” to a guy in the chat.
Someone reported it (I guess) and my chat privileges were taken away because I was racist. (I could get them back by writing an email to the site and promising I won’t be racist anymore, but I’m not that good of a liar.)
Anyway, so I’m playing in this game and since I can’t use the chat, I used twitter to chat, which is pretty funny when everyone else is trying to talk to you via the game and you’re all answering them via twitter, but you can’t tell them that’s where you’re answering them because you can’t talk via the game. I asked CK to tell everyone I was answering them on twitter but she tweeted back “I AM NOT YOUR PUPPET.” (What she didn’t know is that is actually what I wanted her to tweet. Sucka.)
So the people in the game just think I’m a bitch who doesn’t respond. (A few weeks ago I decided that if I ever got a T-shirt made for myself it would say “I’m not a bitch. You’re a pussy.” Except I know my mom would kick my ass if she ever saw me wearing it. Or heard about me wearing it. Or saw a post about how I thought about wearing it. You see my problem.
Anyway, so This is Not April (who, dude, I don’t know, but I totally think might just be April) tweets “get off twitter long enough to talk to me on the rail.”
And I tweet back:
“I’m too racist for Full Tilt #exactlyracistenoughfortwitter #truestory”
She laughs and later when I’m whining because everyone folds when I have a good hand, she tweets
“they fear you hurling racial insults at them if they call.”
I laugh, but then later when this one player was taking forever, I write: “Box of Whine is getting on my nerves. He’s about to be a box of dawnsummers’ racial slurs.”
But then Astin tells me that the player is this guy’s sister, so I apologize and blame the tweet on hackers. Or Nickelback. (That guy hates him some Nickelback, for realz, yo.)
But so you see? How do I choose which of those awesomely awesome tweets to repost? I CAN’T! It’s TOO HARD.
Like that movie with Meryl Streep where she plays a lady named Sophie who has to make a choice about which kid to throw in the fire. I think it was called “hurry up lady, the Americans and Soviets will be here any day now.”
Also, twitter has memes everyday, someone picks a topic and anyone who wants to tweets about the topic.
I picked a topic once called “Lies People Tell Hippies.” It was fun.
The latest one was called “Failed Children’s Book Titles.”
Here were my favorites:
Curious George and the Electric Fence via Iggy
“Bitch, you ain’t my Grandma. You’s a M’Effin WOLF. I CAN SEE YOU, SON. I GOT EYES M’Effer, EYES! ” via Elon
So, um, long story…still pretty long, but come on, you laughed, twitter is fun. And you should do it. You don’t have to write anything. You should just read everything I write. Because I am funny. And on twitter I am short. Not height wise, I am exactly the same height that I am on blogger – which is to say a perfectly normal height for a woman.
Not short.
Normal.

Dear Sidney, Xander, Sammy and Princess Leia,

Wednesday, July 29th, 2009 by Dawn Summers

Step up your games:
Via Drobbski:
My 1 year old was busy typing away on my laptop. Once he stopped, I looked, and he had made you blog my homepage.

One Republican who can’t be trusted, supports another

Wednesday, July 29th, 2009 by Dawn Summers

*SHOCKER*

I think that Mike Bloomberg has done a tremendous job in his eight years as the Mayor. In 2005, when he was running for his second term, I was asked about this and I said, I am a Virginian now, but if I lived in New York, I would vote for Mike Bloomberg.

Dear Mets fans,

Wednesday, July 29th, 2009 by Dawn Summers

So, um, you know how when a pitcher is on pace to have a perfect game? (Yeah, no, obviously not one of *our* pitchers, stop being silly. But you know what I mean.) Okay, so he’s all on pace and when he gets back to the dugout after pitching everyone leaves him alone and shuts the hell up about it?
Yeah, that’s what I’m gonna need from you guys right now. A big steaming cup of shut-the-hell-up-before-you-spook-them-and-they-start-losing-again-and-I-have-to-kill-you.

Please and thank you.

He doesn’t call, he doesn’t write

Wednesday, July 29th, 2009 by Dawn Summers

Happy Gall Bladder Liberation Day, Carlos.

You people have left me no choice

Tuesday, July 28th, 2009 by Dawn Summers

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I missed the memo

Tuesday, July 28th, 2009 by Dawn Summers

I’m not supposed to be blogging anymore.

And I think she’s also saying I tweet too much.

Also I definitely shouldn’t have another blog.

But seriously, Dawn Eden wrote:

To be honest, I have suffered from an Internet addiction for the past several years. Just as there is no such thing for an alcoholic as “one drink,” there is no such thing for me as a quick e-mail check and a perusal of the day’s online headlines. If I sit down at the computer, I remain glued to it for hours on end. I might excuse myself by telling myself I am reading about important world events or doing research for school. But the truth is that I allow myself to be distracted by whatever comes to mind while I am at the computer, to the point where it becomes a self-medication for loneliness and boredom. And why do I become lonely and bored? Because I waste so much time on the Internet, of course.

St. Thomas Aquinas had a word for this vice that causes one to fail to moderate one’s quest for knowledge: curiositas. With all the years of my life that I have spent in online curiositas, I have precious little wisdom to show for it.

via

I think I have that too. Dawn Eden’s answer was to quit blogging. But I’ve quit blogging before. And while it was great and I’m so glad I did it, living offline is not really for me. Is this my way of announcing that I’ve started a new blog?
Uhh…