Clareified

Where does the good go

Archive for May, 2009

First place team says

Thursday, May 28th, 2009 by Dawn Summers

“Sexy Can I?”

Police searching for ape suit wearing banana thief

Thursday, May 28th, 2009 by Dawn Summers

It wasn’t me! I HATE bananas!

Ashton Kutcher threatens to quit twitter

Thursday, May 28th, 2009 by Dawn Summers

Ooooh, they made Kelso mad. Eyeroll

LOS ANGELES, California (CNN) — Ashton Kutcher — Twitter’s top tweeter — warned he may pull the plug on his tweeting if the micro-blogging service partners on a reality TV show.
Ashton Kutcher said he might give up Twitter if the Web site’s parent company participates in a reality show.

Ashton Kutcher said he might give up Twitter if the Web site’s parent company participates in a reality show.

“It’s all fun and games until somebody gets stalked,” Kutcher wrote in a Twitter posting late Monday.

Whatever, twitter’s been crashing so much lately getting rid of celebs like “Mrs. Kutcher” might free up space for @realdawnsummers‘ nonstop effort to get @vodkapundit to notice her.

Not so random question

Wednesday, May 27th, 2009 by Dawn Summers

Is it wrong that I’m hoping for Finals without Kobe or Lebron so that people will stop talking about basketball and I can drop this fascade that I know what’s going on or…um…care?

My next job!

Wednesday, May 27th, 2009 by Dawn Summers

President Obama is looking for an internet Czar!

I am SO Czar material! Everything about me screams Czar! I even have a working knowledge of Russian, blyat.

Not So Random Profanity laden question

Tuesday, May 26th, 2009 by Dawn Summers

Why the fuck is it so motherfucking cold????

Memorial Day

Tuesday, May 26th, 2009 by Dawn Summers

I picked J up yesterday afternoon. I had to honk the horn several times even though he was standing outside staring at my car because he didn’t realize it was me and thought it was “some guy trying to steal the parking space from that lady that was taking a year to get her into the spot.”
“Hey! Parking is hard. We. Do. Not. Judge.” (Ironically, this would also be the day that he learned that I cannot park on the left hand side…oh, or change lanes…ish)
“Women.”
Damn straight.
I was blasting City High’s “Caramel”
I, as per usual, was singing along.
“Noooo, Dawn stop! You’re making City High, City cry.”
Fuuuccckkkkk yyyoooouuuuuuu.
J had plans for us to tour his naval ship for Memorial Day. It was a great plan until we got to the area around the Entrepid where his old ship is docking for Fleet Week and I asked where we would be leaving Prince Eli cause I was not “leaving him on the street down here.”
We found a parking garage nearby and I pulled in, imagine his surprise when, moments later I threw the car in reverse and gunned Prince Eli back into the street on tenth avenue.
“What happened?”
“Um…well…here’s the thing…my car is kinda confusing and I meant to put up a little sign explaining how to take the key out and stop the car, but I haven’t had a chance to do that yet…plus, I haven’t exactly figured it out myself.”
(I’m at 90% successful start rate and 72% successful turn off rate. (Alceste: Push the button, Dawn. Me: Yeah, yeah.)
So with parking on the street out and parking in a garage out, but car teleportation still two years away from perfection, we were left with only one option: drive around.
This suited me just fine.
We somehow ended up at Grant’s tomb.
“Who’s buried at Grant’s tomb?”
“Grant!”
“And his wife!”
“But, I always like to say she’s Grant too! So what?”
I don’t know why I separated all those lines with quotation marks or hard returns because I spoke them all in rapid fire succession while Javon looked at me like I had two heads.
It was my second time at the Granteses tomb. It’s not a very big museum, but the tombs are gigantic. Leading me to say what I said the first time I visited: boy the President and his wife were huge.
coffins
J went down into the area where the coffins were kept. I very prudently stayed on the stairs. Far enough away that should the giant Grants rise and angrily begin their search for brains, I could get away safely while they started snacking on his.
“You’re scared of dead people?”
I said nothing.
We’ll see whose so smart and not afraid of dead people and whose brains are being eaten by zombies soon enough.
It was was a very patrioticy way to celebrate memorial day…but it was also indoors and I didn’t want to squander a second more of the perfect summer day.
We hung out in West Side park and then had V&T Pizza. Pizza which I used to think was so phenomenal until my exhaustive pizza research four years ago convinced me that V&T was just crap served with a knife and fork.
After that J promised to take me to see the Cloisters. At the time I did not realize he meant take me to see the locked front door of the Cloisters, as the museum is closed all Mondays.
Nae pays attention to the little details, that one.
So after that it was a day spent chillin in Tryon Park, followed my a night of not only watching Javon fight with my scary German GPS lady, Frau Helga over which route to take home, but listening to Javon blog out loud about how I was going to blog about him fighting with my scary German GPS lady.
“And then you’ll say Javon said “where’s your great GPS system now that her instructions have gotten us stuck in Memorial Day traffic on the Hudson River Drive?”
I laughed.
Nah, I would never blog something so mundane. Clareified has standards!
However, I would blog something like why on earth did J think my glove compartment would be a good place to put his house keys?
Just further proof that the Poly devils are superior in every way to the Bishop Ford falcons. You better recognize.

Not so random thought

Monday, May 25th, 2009 by Dawn Summers

Love makes everything good, even when everything is bad. I’m beginning to think we need to look for unhappily married people to be our political leaders!

We survived the first trip

Monday, May 25th, 2009 by Dawn Summers

I pulled up to Mary’s door one minute to eight.
“Wow! You’re on time,” she said getting in to the newly christened Prince Elihu von Franzbourg.
“German car. That’s how they do.”
Prince Eli’s name takes the “Pr” beginning of his predecessor “Professor” and combines it with “Elihu” an homage to his being of a Yale blue color (not after an asshat quarterback for an asshat New Jersey football team) and then Franzbourg cause it’s sorta like Francese which was the Professor’s last name, but more German sounding.
All that to say, my car is NOT named “Hitler.” Although when he got in the car, Alceste was quite adamant that he would not let his girlfriend ride in my car lest it suddenly strap her in and change her seatbelt’s color to yellow.
Yes, evidently, nobody expects the German Holocaust, either.
Prince Eli has a built in navigational system, so I decided to turn it on to see how good it was. Well, unfortunately, it doesn’t have the new Jersey City maps built in, so it kept telling us to make turns that were no longer legal, so we’d have to ignore the instructions. It did not like that one bit.
“I think I’m a little scared of my GPS lady!”
So we decided to name her something severe sounding like Frau Helga.

As they say, read the whole thing and leave comments. But send the angry hate mail to Alceste.

Funny

Monday, May 25th, 2009 by Dawn Summers

Watch Real Life Twitter on CollegeHumor

But…um…is it a problem that I actually do walk around saying stuff like that out loud IRL? I mean, I so have Miley Cyrus’ 7 things stuck in my head right now.