Clareified

Where does the good go

Since I find myself with free internet…

Hi! Hee. Stop that. Oooh, okay, some real content. Now, after being mocked last Spring by Snaps for my ghez post, I mean, honestly…by SNAPS! I had to ban certain words from ever being published on my blog — this actually resulted in many previously published posts being deleted. Whoops. Obviously, I cannot tell you what those words are because then this post will never publish. HAHA, okay, I put them in and tried to publish and it didn’t work and so I had to type that first paragraph again. I’m funny. SHUT IT. FUNNY. THAT’S THE WORD FOR ME.
Scrabble. Death.
HAHAHA Scrabble is not one of the words. I can type Scrabble all I want. DUDE. WHAT WAS IN MY PEPSI TONIGHT?? I am bouncing off the walls. THE WALLS!!!
Pajamas. HAHHAHAHAHA
Wow. Okay, focus. REAL CONTENT: What a crazy year this was. I WENT TO AUSTRALIA!!! My dream since I was a teenager!! I played in the WORLD SERIES!!! My dream since I was in my twenties. Not that I’m not still in my twenties…I am. Shut it. I won a SCRABBLE TOURNAMENT! MY GUY WON A PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION!!! I WAS HEAD BRIDESMAID!! (HA, I never blogged about how this was finally resolved. Going into the wedding on Saturday morning, it was still a two woman race, with Amanda in the slight lead. I showed up to the rehearsal fully dressed in my Qipow. (I love saying that word, but it doesn’t translate in the printed word…it’s more like SheeePOW!) Anyway, Amanda was still in her street attire as she was finishing up some last minute cleaning things and random details. When she finally got dressed she discovered that the dress didn’t fit. (When she took it home from the Qipow maker, it was too big and she decided to “self tailor.” Not.A.Good.Idea.) Anyway, it didn’t fit anymore and Pi’s mom had to pin up the side of it with pins. However, this meant that Amanda could not make any sharp movements…no bending, no twisting, nothing but standing up straight and only moving a little bit. Thus, when it came time for her to put on her shoes…she was all “Dawn, can you help me put on my shoes?” And I was all “HA! I surely can, Amanda…but what will you do for me?” She pouted and sulked and said “FINE! You’re headbridesmaid. I concede.” I recorded her concession. Secured my spot first in line and then put on her shoes! Victory? Mine. Oh yes. Of course, about two minutes into the ceremony, one of the four foot tall, forty pound vases was knocked from the stairwell…and well…let’s just say the dude that caught it in midair, getting himself doused in flower water in the process, kinda ended up being headbridesmaid. But I had it for the important processional moment. (Video here, around minute two like I said. IT’S HAWESOME. The rabbi was all (yeah, my Chinese friends were married by a rabbi, what?) flummoxed! ) I got to go to a real live Patriots game and VRABEL TOTALLY LOOKED AT ME!
I also PERFECTED TELEKINESIS. Okay, not really. But I did put in some quality hours practicing. And practice makes perfect, so you take it up with the people who author cliches. Anyway, I wanted to do a “what I learned this year” post, but these are the only ones that my blog would publish:
1. Do not put any phone numbers in your blackberry that you wouldn’t be okay buttdialing accidentally.
(Yes, I know about the lock function, but I prefer to be able to easily check my comments whilst driving.)
2. How to spell Blagojevich.
Lame, right? So instead, I am going to do… um what do they call it…that list of… oh RESOLUTIONS!!
So here goes:
1. No more cursing. You’ve never seen someone go from rarely swearing to undiagnosed tourette’s in like five years. Crazy. I will allow myself to say turdrocket, though. If I’m going to keep playing poker, I need at least one word that describes the turdrockets. This will be my word.
2. Leave the United States. My trip to Australia last year was the first time I left my homeland in like seven…no, five years. Too long. I love America, but how will I know how much I love America if I never leave.
3. Join a sports team.
4. Bet someone that I can’t start a successful business. HAHAHA, okay I’m kidding about that one. Sorta.
5. Do one thing everyday that scares me.
6. Use sunscreen.
7. Don’t worry about the future.
8. Dance, even if I…wait a minute…

OH and this year’s Clareified person of the year was a tough one…but when I thought about the year — two weddings, two divorces (one of each of those involve the same person. I KNOW!), three engagements and SEVEN Babies, the choice became patently clear. The Clareified person of the year is Sidney McClaren Star:
Sidney wins for many, many reasons, not the least of which is he actually has the name Clare in his name, but primarily because this is simply the bestest picture EVER:
Sid-patriots-2
Happy New Year’s Eve everybody.

8 Responses to “Since I find myself with free internet…”

  1. Ari Says:

    I feel compelled to ask; have I left pot at your apartment and why did you smoke it tonight of all nights?

  2. Ugarles Says:

    Woohoo!!!

  3. pearatty Says:

    Excellent choice for person of the year. Can’t go wrong picking a baby.

  4. DRobbSki Says:

    Holy crap that’s an adorable baby.

  5. Karol Says:

    Ari already took my comment.

  6. Michael Bates Says:

    You redeemed the whole post with that photo.

  7. Dawn Summers Says:

    Heeeyy…whadddaya mean “redeemed”??? That whole post was meritorious! MERIT. ORIOUS.

  8. Clareified » Blog Archive » June 1st! Says:

    […] Half the year is over…or is half the year over at the end of June. Hmm. Pish posh. It’s June! Half the year is over! I decided to see how I did on my resolutions. […]

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