Clareified

Those days are gone forever; I should just let 'em go but…

Archive for October, 2008

I hereby declare

Friday, October 31st, 2008 by Dawn Summers

Trader Joe’s is the Worst. Store. EVER.

Though if you’re in the market to pick up white toddlers, it is the place.

Grey’s Anatomy Blogging

Friday, October 31st, 2008 by Dawn Summers

The show has jumped the pig.

Amanda the daughter of a slave

Friday, October 31st, 2008 by Dawn Summers

And this is why I want to beat up undecideds. I hope Obama’s grandmother gets a chance to vote by Tuesday.

Amanda Jones, 109, the daughter of a man born into slavery, has lived a life long enough to touch three centuries. And after voting consistently as a Democrat for 70 years, she has voted early for the country’s first black presidential nominee.

I saw a McCain rally yesterday where “Joe the Plumber” (Who was introduced by John McCain as “his hero and a great American) stepped up to the podium and said he’s voting “for a real American, John McCain.” I wonder if Amanda, upon whose free labor back this country was built, or Barack Obama’s grandmother who had to work while her husband was liberating Europe from the Nazis, would have a thought or two for Joe the Plumber about what being a real American means?
And a further note to, sadly, the large number of women I’ve seen who said they supported Hillary Clinton for President and now they’re voting for McCain because she’s not on the Democratic ticket. Look, I didn’t vote for Hillary because she was a woman, I voted for her because she was the best person running for President in February 2008. She is no longer running for President. Now, the best person running for President is Barack Obama. The McCain/Palin ticket doesn’t come close to Obama, but frankly they don’t even come close to Hillary, and like I said, she’s not even running anymore. These people don’t care about you, Hillary voters. They don’t care about any of the issues you must care about if you ever supported the woman that they demonized for eight years as a feminazi and a carpet bagger. Sure, McCain “picked a woman,” but you didn’t just want a woman (Especially not one who referred to herself as Caribou Barbie on national television), you wanted Hillary. McCain didn’t pick her. He didn’t even pick Joe Lieberman, who he wanted, no he opportunistically pandered to your anger and disappointment and picked a woman who didn’t even bother to run for President herself 18 months ago when Obama and Hillary did. But a McCain/Palin win won’t heal the wounds of the failed Hillary campaign. And trust me, I feel you, the press was horrible to her, but don’t punish this nation with the McCain/Palin nightmare to punish the press. If anything, the press would be rewarded with four years of disaster news coverage. That’s what they live for! Instead, let’s give them the steady leadership of No drama Obama. Furthermore, a McCain/Palin win, especially in this climate, would — probably– be the final nail in the coffin for any hope of a Democrat, a real bona-fide, stuff we believe in, DEMOCRAT. Please don’t let anyone think that we are so easily duped that we’d trade a serious thinker like Clinton, who spent 150,000 dollars on her education for Caribou Barbie who spends a 150,000 dollars on her wardrobe for a month.
Amanda the daughter of the slave owner doesn’t have many elections left. Make this one count for her. If not now, when?
96 hours! Let’s do this thing!

They’re not saying “Boo-urns”

Friday, October 31st, 2008 by Dawn Summers

Sarah Palin booed in Western, PA when she congratulates them on “their World Series Champs, The Philadelphia Phillies.” Apparently, that’s roughly comparable to standing in Shea and congratulating Queens about the Yankees’ World Series championships.

Keith Olbermann QOTD: Hey, Governor Palin, why don’t you try palling around with a map.

The Office blogging

Friday, October 31st, 2008 by Dawn Summers

HAHAHAHA. Yeah, Cornell sucks. That’s mostly because Ugarles never told me he had the whole WBNA living in his house. Oh, and I now blame him for there being new Friday Night Lights that I’m not allowed to see. It’s like that old “make fun of the messenger’s alma mater.”

Conversation of the Day

Friday, October 31st, 2008 by Dawn Summers

Jack: We’re not the best people.
Liz: But we’re not the worst.
Together: Graduate students are the worst.

Quote of the Day

Friday, October 31st, 2008 by Dawn Summers

“I’m sorry other strippers, I’m just mad.” – Randy

Yum

Friday, October 31st, 2008 by Dawn Summers

I just made myself the best filet mignon ever. I had marinated one yesterday, while on the phone with Karol Sheinin, but I forgot all about it when I decided to make myself a delicious (and quicker) turkey cheese wrap for lunch. Anyway, when I got back from Scrabble club tonight, I was pretty hungry and I slapped that sucker in a pan. And ten minutes later, deee-licious-ness. I think I also figured out how “rare” meat was invented. Some guy came home from Scrabble club and was all starving and put his steak in the pan for five minutes, flipped it over when it got dark, waited another five minutes and then was “all, I’m hungry, get me a knife and fork.”
Oh, and completely unrelated, except insofar it involves the minutiae of my day, I went to Karol‘s brother’s house today to pick up her fat clothes. I highly recommend this exercise. You get to clean out your closets, tell funny stories about how you went to a sucky music festival and all you got was this T-shirt and you keep the clothes close enough so that should you want them back one day, they’ll be there. Except for my pants and purplely. YOU’RE NEVER GETTING PURPLELY BACK. I’m going to go lick it right now.
Hmm…that might have been too much information. I’m not really going to lick it. Okay, I am, but that’s the only thing. Well, and maybe the pants. Because they’re soft. But that’s it. I’m not licking any more secondhand clothes. Wait, is it weird to lick second-hand clothes? Is that not something that’s done? I mean I know everyone licks the regular clothes you get from stores and catalogs, but since I’m an only child, I don’t have any experience with second hand clothes. Oh, and all the clothes that I didn’t want, you know, stuff made out of courduroy, chainmail, or anything from her two-dollar whore phase, was packed off and sent to her family in Russia. After a while, I fasttracked this process my replying –in my best Vladimir Putin voice — “I vant to go to Russia. Kremlin nice” whenever she’d hold up some with “dress” that “would be fine” if I got “a little sweater.” Yah. “I vant to go to Russia.” HAHHAHA. I’m funny. OH and I got a whole drawer full of Republican-bent T-shirts which I plan to wear around local bowtie shops to lure out the New York Republicans! When they approach me in my hot “National Review Online shirt” and are all “hey, yeah, me too…I love them,” I’ll go “AHA! Gotcha!” and turn then in to the Obama people in times square for coupons. It’s gonna be Hawsome!
Oh, and I got rear ended by a taxi today on the way to Scrabble club. But since I was already late, I let it go. Of course, when a cab cut me off three blocks later, I was super pissed and ready to start dropping mad f-bombs (sorry, Andrew) but when I pulled up to the front of the cab, I saw a black woman behind the wheel and I um…mad the calculation that she could (and likely would) kick my ass.
I threw that story in so that you guys would forget the clothes licking. Did it work? Oh, good.
Pearatty is so going to ask if I’m on drugs again. I mean now. I’ve never been on drugs. Well, surgery drugs, but that was Carlos’ fault.
But yeah, rare steak. Yum.
(And yes, this is what it’s like inside my brain all the time, exhausting, right? And everybody wonders what I do all day. I live with me!)

Or get off the pot

Thursday, October 30th, 2008 by Dawn Summers

Is it wrong that I want to punch undecided voters? Yeah, even the 70ish year old Cuban grandma on Good Morning America this morning who was all “jess, I no know who I vote for. Last time I vote joo know for the Bush but now everything bad, so I no know.” NO KNOW?? How about “so now I vote for the Obama!” WTF? Or that even dumber desperate housewife chick who walked to the polling booth so that she could early vote, but went back home because she couldn’t figure out who to vote for? Pow! Right in the kisser.
This is not hard: you want to vote for the creepy old dude with the Napoleon complex? OK. You want to vote for the hot, athletic, melifluous, dreamy, awesome guy with new ideas and two ivy league degrees? Great! Me too! You want to vote for Cynthia McKinney or Bob Barr or Ralph Nader or plan to write in Blair Waldorf? Rock on. BUT YOU DON’T KNOW?? Really? YOU STILL DON’T KNOW? Well, then stay away from me, because I promise, you’re going to get a size nine foot in your ass.

Is it too early for audience participation weekend?

Thursday, October 30th, 2008 by Dawn Summers

“Not every opinion should have a voice…know what I mean?” I smiled and nodded. I had been uncharacteristically making chitchat with the receptionist at my doctor’s office while I waited for my test results. (I’m fine, thanks for thinking the question.) Anyway, she told me that she was leaving for Miami in two weeks to attend her sister’s wedding. She made a face at the word wedding. “You don’t like the guy?” She was quiet. “Don’t like your sister?” She laughed. And then she said the opinion voice thing. Which, though I usually phrase it “it’s none of my business,” is one of my personal mottos. But I was talking to this girl I went to high school with and in her trademark judgmental nonchalance, I got the sense that she thinks there are opinions that you should voice even though it’s none of your business. What sayeth the peanut gallery? Do you tell your friends that their spouse is an addict? Or tell your sister not to marry her fiancee? Is there a difference between friends and family?