Clareified

Where does the good go

Archive for September, 2008

Quotes of the Day

Tuesday, September 30th, 2008 by Dawn Summers

Critics of the bailout bill say that while it will help Wall Street, it will do nothing for Main Street. And as per usual, you’re on your own Martin Luther King Boulevard. -Amy Poehler

Senator Obama said that he will go to the debate whether or not McCain plans to show up…making it the first time ever that a black man was more eager to go to Mississippi than a white man. -Seth Meyer

Oh My Gosh!

Tuesday, September 30th, 2008 by Dawn Summers

Keith Olbermann is also a football commentator!!! He could so help me with my fantasy team next year. Sigh, is there anything he can’t do? He’s so dreamy and smart and funny and wonderful.

Obama should have picked Keith to be his VP. Obama/Olbermann ’08!

Not so random question

Tuesday, September 30th, 2008 by Dawn Summers

You know how everyone is all “time to save and cut spending”? Why have I taken this moment to become obsessed with buying a new car and plan a month-long vacation to Scotland and Ireland?

Oh, if anyone knows good tour companies in Scotland and Ireland leave suggestions in the comment section!

This is a must see for Dawn: Description
The Old Jameson Distillery offers you a window into the romantic past of the art of Irish Whiskey making. Although Jameson is sold all over the world today, it has its roots in this small distillery in Bow Street, founded in 1780 by John Jameson. Begin your tour with an introductory video “The Story of Jameson”. Afterwards you are invited to sample a complimentary glass of Jameson, which is the worlds fastest growing whiskey. (45 minute tour).
Afterwards browse the exclusive gift shop and relax in JJs Bar.

How awesome is facebook?

Tuesday, September 30th, 2008 by Dawn Summers

Note from boy I went to elementary school with: Who did that girl with the pretty smile (that i snuck a fifth grade report card to…LOL) become?

That’s me! That’s me!

I could see Russia from Alaska…

Tuesday, September 30th, 2008 by Dawn Summers

I just never bothered to look.

A double whammy. The mayor rejects her claim foreign policy experience and says she could stand to beef up her domestic policy experience. The Straight Talk Express is beginning to look more like the Hindenburg.

Is it sexist if I call her a lying sack of Laura Bush?

Vote for McCain…to me you’re a shit stain

Tuesday, September 30th, 2008 by Dawn Summers

Um…so if I laughed so hard all the way through this video does that make me anti-semitic?

Happy New Year to my Jewish friends who obviously can’t afford to buy a real calendar. What? Is that wrong?

Fuck you, my people were slaves for 300 years.

Yes, he has taken on tougher guys before…

Tuesday, September 30th, 2008 by Dawn Summers

And lost. Let’s hope he doesn’t crash our country now.

Popcorn or Bagels?

Tuesday, September 30th, 2008 by Dawn Summers

Anybody else wake up early to hear Bush’s speech at 7:45 this morning? Wonder if Bill Clinton thinks that delivering such a speech on the Jewish new year is patented anti-semitism. Hmm…wonder if Bill Clinton still thinks McCain’s campaign suspension was honorable considering that McCain went back on the trail before any package was passed, then took credit for the package passing, then blamed Obama for the package’s failure.

Can you imagine the press coverage if Obama had done any of the tuckfarded things Mccain has pulled in the last two weeks? Can you?

On second thought, never mind my headline questions…how about this one “maverick or goose?” What sound does a goose make? I bet that’s one question Sarah Palin could confidently answer!

Eh, and while I’m dumping my political thoughts…I saw the debates. I agree with my mom, Obama didn’t distinguish himself, but what was up with McCain’s refusal to even look at Barack Obama? He was acting like a spurned suitor forced to sit around a table with his ex. Has his campaign come out with the “his suffered injuries in Vietnam which make it difficult to look at black men” press release?

I was going to say Brown v. Board of Education…

Tuesday, September 30th, 2008 by Dawn Summers

but how about BUSH VERSUS FREAKING GORE, you fracking lightweight??!!!!

The Palin aide, after first noting how “infuriating” it was for CBS to purportedly leak word about the gaffe, revealed that it came in response to a question about Supreme Court decisions.

After noting Roe vs. Wade, Palin was apparently unable to discuss any major court cases.

There was no verbal fumbling with this particular question as there was with some others, the aide said, but rather silence.

I am officially no longer a fan of Sarah Palin. I cannot forgive ignorance in people who have access to education. And her comment that people who get passports before the age of 43 are “spoiled” folsk whose “daddies pay for them to backpack through Europe,” pissed me the hell off. La di da, my parents were born in America so I didn’t have to get a passport when I was a baby to go visit my grandfather. And I hella bet her daddy paid for a lot more shit for her than mine ever did. And yet, I managed to start at one college and graduate from that one college because my daddy couldn’t pay for me to transfer all about. Ugh. She’s disgusting. Besides, she can kill more moose in Alaska. More dead mooses please.

I’m updating my facebook page now.

My best friend’s wedding*

Monday, September 29th, 2008 by Dawn Summers

Pi is a genius. When she and Peih (who I have tried to assign a blogonym over the past three years, but nothing from Cash – Pee has stuck, so we heretofore just surrender to his name his mama gave him.) got engaged last year, she asked her three closest friends to be her honorable maids. Now, seeing that the three of us are completely different, with the exception that we are all super competitive Ivy League educated lawyers, Pi decided that “no one would be the maid of honor” – she may have used the words “you will all equally serve my every bridal need.” Of course, I heard “Dawn, you are really my maid of honor, but I don’t want Amanda and Emily to feel bad.” Although, I remember thinking how unlike Pi, she is usually quite willing to make people feel bad. In fact, she used to hire me out for the explicit purpose of making people she didn’t like feel bad without getting her hands dirty. Anyway, turns out Amanda and Emily also believed that they were secret Maid of Honor an alarming discovery when we all got together for our bridesmaids dress picking funapolooza. This gave rise to the “Battle for Head Bridesmaid 2008.” Amanda and I jumped out to an early lead in the competition with our nonchalant “whatever you want is fine with us,” answer to Pi’s “what kind of dress do you want to wear” question. Or I should say, Emily fell well behind with her “I don’t have any money…can’t I just wear a dress from my closet?” response. She got back in the running by sucking up to Pi’s mom when we went for the first fitting at the dressmaker because she’s the only one who speaks Chinese. And she’s little and sneakily charming.
Plus, Pi’s mom still hates me for packing bottled water in my suitcase for our trip to China.
Anyway, I would say we were all neck and neck going into Summer. Though Amanda insisted that because she was the tallest, she was default Head Bridesmaid. However, I chose a dress with a high neck collar, which everybody knows in Chinese culture clearly makes me the Head Bridesmaid.
highneckme
Pi had moved to Brooklyn for the Summer into her under construction mansion, so no kitchen or refrigerator coupled with my gallbladder taking operation, meant that she spent many an evening cooking meals or grilling at my place while we watched horrible movies like Fool’s Gold and Made of Honor (I’m sorry, I meant horrible horrible horrible movies). Clearly, treatment reserved for the Head Bridesmaid. Amanda, seeing the crown slip from her head decided to throw a shower for Pi. A mini cakes and high tea themed shower…which, while lovely, I would have thrown a shower with full sized cakes and alcohol. Just sayin.’
When I offered to let some of the guests stay at my apartment during the wedding weekend, I casually added “as any good Head Bridesmaid would do.” Pi simply said “oh, Amanda is having guests stay at her place too.”
Dammit.
Unfortunately, I had a family emergency the week of the bridal shower, so I couldn’t make it. Which is now how Amanda addresses me every time I see her “Hello, girl who didn’t make it to Pi’s bridal shower” and she’s been signing emails “Head Bridesmaid.”
amanda
She lost major points though when we were flipping through the ipod and looking for Pi and Peih’s “first dance song.” (Yeah, note to Clareified’s betrothed male readers, if you insist that you and your beloved’s first dance song be “Baby Got Back” by Sir Mix-a-lot, she and her bridesmaids will choose your couple song without you! Actually, I kid, Peih’s first choice was “K-C and JoJo’s ‘All My Life.’) Anyway, where shuffling through the ipod and Amanda goes “you should use ‘As long as you love me’”
HA!
“No way, man! Backstreeet Boys suck, if you were really the Head Bridesmaid you’d know that Pi likes NSYNC, not Backstreet!”
We then spent the rest of the afternoon singing snippets of the popiest love songs ever known to man…I don’t know what she chose, but personally I’m hoping for “oops, I did it again.”
And as a reward for that suggestion I was tapped to give a speech at the reception.
“As Head Bridesmaid…”
“Well, Emily’s speaking too,” Pi quickly added.
Dammit.
And so we come to my last week of Head Bridesmaid sucking up.
Emily’s speaking assignment notwithstanding, this is clearly a battle between Amanda and I. Now, while Amanda has ingratiated herself with weekly cleanings of the manor – which per my personal motto of “I would help clean, but that would be like spitting in Abraham Lincoln’s face,” I cannot do – I have been obligingly helpful in errand running.
Going all the way to the edge of civilization to buy alcohol for the wedding
liquor
(which if left to Amanda would have been teabags) and house sitting the haunted mansion all by myself. (That I had a row with the Chinese food delivery guy and now they can never order from No. 1 Chinese restaurant ever again is so totally NOT my fault and should have no bearing on my Head Bridesmaid application.)

*Oh, for those of you who thought this post had anything to do with Karol’s announcement, you should know that as the I.C. has not yet asked my permission, all talks of any “engagement” are merely preliminary. It’s like a presidential exploration committee. When he files the paperwork with my office, you guys will be among the first to know my decision. He should also know that there is a hefty filing fee.