It’s Pat! Err…Billy
I was matched against this person tonight that, for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out whether the person was male or female. It’s quite distracting trying to anagram random letters under time pressure when the only thing your mind is doing is a sequence of “wait…I think it has a mustache”…”hmm…but those might be boobs…or they might be manboobs…why won’t it move its hand so I can see if it has an Adam’s apple!…oh, crap…the clock!”
And then to make things worse its name was Billy!!! What the hell am I supposed to do with that??! A grown person should not be going by a genderless nickname. It’s unseemly. Man up, be William. Or woman up and be…what is the woman’s longform for Billy? Willamena?
There is a surprisingly high incidence of this androginism on the Scrabble circuit. And it disturbs me to no end. And thus, we come to today’s audience weekend participation hypothesis or rather a request for confirmation of what I already suspect…There is no way to ask someone if they are male or female. Right?
I mean, you can ask it as politely as you please…you’re still getting punched in the face…or slapped. Right? Right?
So far I’ve only come up with:
“Um…I know you must get this a lot but um…are you a chick or a dude?”
But no…right? I CAN’T!!! I MUSN’T!! MUSN’T!!!!
May 2nd, 2008 at 2:19 am
Dude, I believe the correct nomenclature is “gotta pair”?
May 2nd, 2008 at 3:26 am
Hah. “Billy” or “Billi”?
May 2nd, 2008 at 7:59 am
1) “Bill, huh? What is that short for?”
2) “I’m so glad English is an a-sexual language! Can you imagine playing this game in French and only having to use your own gender words….. which would be what?”
3) “No, no, no! Manboobs is not a word! It’s moobs! Challenge!”
4) “So, who do you think is going to take the dem nomination? A sistah or a brotha?”
5) “Don’t you just hate wearing high heels?”
6) “Do you know where the ladies’ room is?”
May 2nd, 2008 at 10:11 am
I’m going to suggest dancing around the issue with small talk. Or, stop hanging out with Scrabble nerds.
May 2nd, 2008 at 10:44 am
If he/she is wearing a wedding band, ask “Does your spouse play Scrabble?” You should get a response including a pronoun for the spouse (”Yes he/she does / no he/she does not”) and can make the appropriate deduction from there.
If they’re not married, try not to look up from your rack.
May 2nd, 2008 at 10:56 am
Kaj, in re #3, I believe the preferred nomenclature is “bresticles”, or “chesticles”.
May 2nd, 2008 at 11:02 am
There is a surprisingly high incidence of this androginism on the Scrabble circuit.
Who here is surprised by this?