Clareified

Until two days ago there were only two things I knew about Passover. Number 1…um okay,
there was only one thing I knew about Passover: Kosher for Passover
Pepsi suuuuccckkkkssss. I tried it last year, declared that it tasted like I imagine licking wet tar would taste like and Fisch advised me to use the rest to clean the chrome in my kitchen.
However, in the past two days I’ve managed to pick up
all sorts of things due to Karol’s newfound Judaism.
Passover is, evidently, nineteen weeks long, during which time no bread or pasta may
be eaten. Which means the girl that was all “come on, let’s go to
DiFara’s” even after my doctors specifically cautioned me against the
eating the all-too-acidic tomato, is suddenly all “no pizza!”
The IC was all “I don’t care if you eat bread, as long as you’re not eating it around me,” as
I sneaked a spoonful of tortilla and guacamole. (Karol made the guacamole
by the way, and despite my extreme skepticism it was rather tasty.)
Anyway, so this no bread, no pasta, no beer, no shoes thing apparently goes on for the
next eight months.
I met up with KJ last week and he was like I’m starving to death, all I’ve eaten is matzoh! (This, is what happens when two-thirds of one’s girlfriends are orthodox Jews.)
“Don’t worry,” I said. “we’ll crash the dinner party kaz is throwing for
pearatty.”
Oh, and we crashed it but good…except…yeah, turns out…matzo and kugel for dinner!

I think KJ started crying.

I laughed.
Dawn 2 was also there and she was like “I am so over matzoh.” So I
skipped the matzoh, but I tried the kugel and it was pretty good. KJ and I hung out for a
while. He called me “white.”
(”Aww, I’ll take the picture of the four white girls”-KJ)

The G-train declared that he “did” both of our
moms. “Ohhhh, so she was with you,” KJ responded, soudning relieved. Ewww. He’s gay, dude. (There, I called Gtrain gay, that should earn me one comment from CK.) Oh, and pearatty earned a push in her first ever prop bet. (We’d had dinner with the G-train earlier this month and in response to my question about how is it everything works out for Beyonce, he responded “cause unlike
us, she’s hot.” Pearatty protested that she was also hot. G-train
laughed in her face. So, for the last three weeks she has developed an
eating disorder and crazy self-esteem issues…when she heard that
G-train would be coming to the Kaz shindig, pearatty wouldn’t leave
the house without a full on makeover, a ball gown and heels! “Dude,
you should just tell Gtrain that he hurt your feelings”
“Why? He’ll just laugh at me.”
“Noway, I bet you he’ll apologize.”
“Well, what are we betting? I’m not bruising my ego for free.”
I laughed and we settled on five bucks. For the record, KJ said that he thinks we are in fact, hot.)
Gtrain, of course, said he didn’t remember saying it.
He never remembers his transgressions…which is why punishment is so
important, people.
Anyway, KJ and I left the party early and as we exited the building, I
said “I’m sorry KJ, look we just need to get us some black friends. They’ll hook us up with some fried chicken.”
Forgetting who I was talking to, I then stared in horror as he ran up
to a black woman on the corner and said “Hi, I’m KJ, this is Dawn”
Seriously, I died. Dead. On the street.
She, of course, ran away screaming.
“Hey, so you are always running up to strange black women and
introducing yourself! I thought I was special.”
Turns out, no. Not so much. But he does think I’m hot, so that’s something.

This entry was posted by Dawn Summers on Saturday, April 26th, 2008 at 3:30 am and is filed under Personal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.