Clareified

Where does the good go

Archive for December, 2007

2007

Friday, December 28th, 2007 by Dawn Summers

Not so random thought

Friday, December 28th, 2007 by Dawn Summers

You know who will never get another acting job in Hollywood? That guy who played Will on Will & Grace.

Dog kills woman

Friday, December 28th, 2007 by Dawn Summers

BARSTOW, Calif. (AP) — A packed of pit bulls surrounded a woman and mauled her to death, authorities said Wednesday.

Police found Kelly Caldwell, 45, lying in the street around 9:30 p.m. Tuesday, and was taken to a hospital, where she later died, the San Bernardino County sheriff’s department said.

After the mauling, the dogs ran to a nearby house. Deputies shot one dog to death when it returned to the scene and acted aggressively as paramedics were trying to save Caldwell’s life, authorities said.

Happy Holidays

via

Belonging

Friday, December 28th, 2007 by Dawn Summers

Last night I went back to the Manhattan Scrabble club for the first time in a few months. Everyone was kind, chastised me for not telling them I was sick. “I’d have come over to play with you. I love a good game,” Steve with the square afro said.
“I’m so glad you’re back! We missed you,” Dee said hugging me. I smiled even though I do not like to be hugged.
And then there was Walter.
Here’s the thing about Walter. He’s 94 years old, frail, half blind, mostly deaf and brash.
“Who’s back?”
“Dawn.”
“Where was she?”
“She had foot surgery.”
“So?”
“Well, now she’s back.”
“So?”
I laughed.
I played Walter…once.
He uses a magnifying glass to read words, constantly ketvches about counting the score and he takes forever. Usually a competitive game lasts a maximum of forty six minutes. In my game with him, he went over on his time by forty-five minutes.
There’s not a night that goes by where the silence of forty people searching for bingos and word hooks isn’t shattered by his booming voice complaining that his opponent isn’t keeping score right or putting the tile bag where he can see them.
Last night was no different.
“Where’s the bag…put it back here!” I heard him yell at Dee. Not yell, it’s just how he talks.
Except last night was different.
The club director had reached his breaking point.
“That’s it Walter,” he said.
The director is a thin, bald gaunt man. A curmudgeon in his own right and about forty years before he should be.
He handed the old man back his entrance fee and told him to get out.
“You slow down the games every night, you disrupt the room and all you do is argue. You’re not welcome back.”
“When do I argue?” Walter shot back.
“EVERY NIGHT,” the director yelled.
He took the board up, moved Dee to a new table and the two of them started a new game.
Walter sat alone at his table.
He didn’t move.
Through two more rounds of play, he just sat.
Finally, he stood up slowly, put on his jacket and said “okay, I’ll see you next week? In the new year?” He voice uncertain, but hopeful.
“NO, WALTER. GET OUT AND YOU CAN’T COME BACK.” The director fired back unmoved.
Walter shuffled to the door and began taking the steps one at a time.
“Next week. Okay?”
“NO.”
And then he was gone.
At the next break, the room seemed divided about what to do about Walter.
“Come on, have mercy. He’s old,” one gray haired lady pleaded.
“That old buzzard is impossible. He’s just contankerous…no he’s a pain in the ass, I don’t know why I said contankerous,” another old woman fired back.
The director defended himself.
“I’ve given him chance after chance for a year. He just won’t listen.”
“Joel, you’re the same way,” the first old lady argued.
“Yeah, but this is my club.”
“Walter refused to play me last week because I didn’t take my husband’s last name,” said one of my friends at the club.
We laughed, that’s Walter.

Fun with horoscopes

Friday, December 28th, 2007 by Dawn Summers

Even if you are usually fiscally cautious, it’s easy to forget your budget at this time of year. You might want to show others that you are really responsible with your money today, especially if someone has recently criticized your spending habits. Keep in mind that you don’t need to buy something to feel good about yourself.

Conversation of the Day

Wednesday, December 26th, 2007 by Dawn Summers

Me: I’m going to take a class on that Oprah spirituality thing.
Karol: Dude. Just admit it. You’re only doing it to get fodder for your blog. You already know what you’re going to hear…in fact, you probably already know how you’re going to mock it.

Not so random questions

Wednesday, December 26th, 2007 by Dawn Summers

How on earth do I have a $7500 American Express bill?

Who am I, Imelda Marcos?

What he said

Tuesday, December 25th, 2007 by Dawn Summers

Except for the Bostonian part, who says ‘Bostonian’? Jeeez.

“As a Bostonian, I couldn’t be more pleased that in just five days, the New England Patriots will attempt to become the first NFL team in 35 years to finish the regular season with an undefeated record,” Kerry wrote. “But as someone who represents all of Massachusetts and not just those in the Boston media market, I remain deeply troubled that today as many as 250,000 Massachusetts households, and millions of Patriots fans nationwide, may be denied access to this historic sporting event. …

“For a game of this significance to be used as a bargaining chip or point of leverage between corporations locked in a dispute would say a great deal about the esteem in which America’s football fans are held by the big interests,” Kerry wrote.

Oh, and I love that someone sarcastically wrote that Kerry was tackling the “big” issues, but whenever there is something I want and I get it no matter how much money and Mexicans I am willing to throw at the problem, it’s usually because someone is violating a federal statute. And watching last Sunday’s Patriots games via mocking texts from KJ, who was up in Boston watching the game live, and trying to figure out espn’s gamecast, I’m just annoyed that my Senator is running for President instead of keeping me in the Patriots games to which I have been accustomed.

via Karol

Yeah, it will

Tuesday, December 25th, 2007 by Dawn Summers

That’ll be the Dawn.

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Deck the halls

Tuesday, December 25th, 2007 by Dawn Summers

You know that Danny Devito Matthew Broderick movie about the neighbors who fight over Danny Devito’s decision to light his house with so many Christmas decorations that his house can be seen from space? No? You havent been bedridden for the entirety of the Fall and relegated to watching whatever idiotic movies Blockbuster sees fit to mail you? Well, excuuuusseeee mmeeeeee. Jerk.

Anyway, so I moved back to the ECB for the week and my mother had a last minute Christmas…um…seizure since I was going to be home. She decided to decorate the hallway and the apartment. Included in these decorations is a Christmas clock. This thing plays a medley of Jingle Bells, Santa Claus is coming to town and I want to wish you a Merry Christmas. All. Day. Long.
All damn day long.
Over and over until you want to kill people. And it’s loud.

I mean, I can barely talk to my mother on the phone for the noise this thing makes in the background.

I dunno though, I somehow manage to block it out when I’m in my room watching TV or the blogging and whatnot. So, I can’t say I noticed the pleasant silence all day today, until my mother yells out “what the hell?”

Followed by “Dawn Julianna Summers!”

“Yes?”
“Come here!”

I walked out to the hallway to find my mother holding the green Christmas clock chord.

“What?”

“Did you do this?”

At the very end of the cord where a copper plug used to be…was now frayed wire jutting out of where the cord had been severed.

I laughed.

“What? I didn’t do it.” I said out loud. Though why on earth I didn’t think of that days ago, escapes me, I thought silently.

Our resident gossip came over when she heard the commotion.

And reported that my mom’s next door neighbor was complaining about the music yesterday.

“She must have done it.”

My mother was not happy. And…umm…I’m guessing when the neighbor wakes up tomorrow morning to find that a particular brand of Summers justice has been visited upon her…she’s not going to be happy either.

Just. Sayin.

Did I mention Merry Christmas….hahahahahahhahaha