Clareified

I woke up one day, maybe it was the last day of November, or second to last day and I realized that I was amazing. Now, to realize that one is amazing is a great, great thing. You suddenly laugh at all the obstacles in your life making you feel insecure and pathetic. You no longer tolerate being treated shabbily and your energy levels are boundless!
I sat up in bed, declared that I am “Totally Awesome Dawn Summers.”
(And yes, since I’m writing this in my anonymous blog, you probably think I actually used my real name there…but no…Dawn Summers. That’s a direct quote.)
I made plans to go to my bar and watch the Packers game with Satan.
Unpacked my trunk of Winter clothes “Oh, that’s where that skirt has been for two years! Sweet!”
I was moving and shaking.
The next day I was rear-ended and after an afternoon in bed watching bad movies, I gotta say TADS wasn’t doing so totally awesome.
Karol emailed me to ask how TADS was, I replied “TADS doesn’t give updates.”
That made me smile.
I went off to Las Vegas, totally in TADS mode. I got myself a half day of luxury at Canyon Ranch Spa.
I drank water with cucumbers floating in it. Had Jerry exfoliate my face and John got all the knots out.
I then trotted out to the pool area and sat in a hot jacuzzi and watched the Nevada sunset.
TADS is then summarily replaced with Crackhead Dawn who plays poker for 20 hours a day for the next three days.
“Did you even have a single conversation,” Karol would ask later.
“YES! Yes, I did. I would say ‘hey, KJ, want to go play poker?’ And he would say ‘yes.’ So there.”
(Heh, at some point, evidently many points, I would turn to KJ and I say “booo…I miss Alceste!” KJ was telling this story to my poker guests at last Saturday’s game at my place and Alceste said “awww.” As KJ was telling this story, Fisch asked “did she say she missed Fisch?” And KJ said “No. Not once.” And this made me laugh. And then KJ said “No, but she’s all ‘I miss Alceste’ and I’m sitting right there! What am I chop liver?” This also made me laugh.
Of course, I mostly missed Alceste because KJ just isn’t evil enough for me to share all my thoughts about the players at the table. Alceste, on the other hand, right there with me.
Anyway, TADS unexpectedly showed up bright and early yesterday when I was up at the crack of crazy.
There’s that boundless energy! Totally Awesome Dawn Summers is BACK, baby.
Karol called to ask if I wanted to go see the French exhibit at the American historical society.
“You know, actually, I would. That’s just the kind of thing TADS would be into. Breakfast, shower, doctor and then take in some culture. Count me in! I’ll meet you there at 4.”
Well, “Meet you there at 4,” turned I guess I can pick you up at 5.
The musuem closed at 6, and it had started to rain.
We slogged through rainy weather traffic and at 5:20, Karol says “OKAY! There is it!” and points to a huge white, marble-columned building.
It was across the street and I was in the outside lane of traffic.
I pressed hard on the accelerator and in seconds the museum was behind us.
We both start laughing uncontrollably. Which, while driving, at night, in the rain, not so good.
She finally mutters “I guess we’re not going inside,” between fits of giggling.
“Nah, turns out TADS doesn’t do French exhibits, thought she did. But no.”
“Dude, that sounds like The Old Dawn Summers…TOADS!” This makes her laugh and laugh.
We go back to her apartment and as we pull into a parking space, she shoots me a threatening look and says “why are you calling me, blat!”
“Guy, my hands are on the wheel (at ten and two, that’s right! I’m a safe driver…what?) how could I be calling you?”
But sure enough, it’s my face on her cellphone as it buzzes noisily.
I pick up, ready to be all “how dare you impersonate me!”
It was my mother.
Now, Karol has been trying to steal my mother since we were wee lads in high school. So, I was quite rankled at this behind my back phone call.
“Hello, MOTHER!” I say in my best “aha, I totally caught you” voice.
She is not amused.
“Where have you been all day. I have called you at your job (hahahahahaha), your house (bahahahahahaha) and your cell (mmm….).”
“Um…I was at the eyedoctor’s…and now I’m going to a museum.”
She had a few more choice words for me and then hangs up on me.
Awesome.
I closed Karol’s phone and went to call her back on my phone.
“Ugh…nah, I can’t deal with that now.”
“HAHAHAHAH…neither could TOADS. TADS is an awful lot like TOADS.” HAHAHAHAHAHA”
Shut it.
We go upstairs to her apartment and let me tell you.
You know how when a couple breaks up and the chick moves out, the guy is left living in a squalid hole with Kleenex for toilet paper and newspaper for bedsheets?
Yeah, evidently Karol’s ex was the chick.
“Um…dude…you live in a warehouse…what the hell is this?”
I laugh as she takes off her shoes at the front door, like she used to when there was furnishings in her apartment.
“Guy, the muddy water from downstairs can only help the situation here.”
“Shut up, I don’t live in a…okay, there may be some warehouse like qualities, I’m not going to lie.”
I spread some Kleenex on a small square of the floors before crounching down to sit.
“If you think this display is going to make me forget that you owe me $25 for crappy pie, you are sadly mistaken.”
She then went on facebook and maligned my good name.
“Just wait till I get on the internet,” I countered.
And when I did, I showed her but good.
Don’t mess with TADS.

This entry was posted by Dawn Summers on Thursday, December 20th, 2007 at 1:35 pm and is filed under Personal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.