There is life outside your apartment
Somewhere toward the end of the comedy show at Magnetic, assface showed up. I had been laughing at heroin love guy and my back was leaning against the wall. So, when assface, poked his head around the edge and said “Hi, Dawn.” It startled me. And I screamed.
And then I was ashamed. I mean what if someone saw me, afeared of F-train??? Oh, the humanity.
I hadn’t really seen him since my dinner party a few weeks ago, though we were both supposedly in Las Vegas together. Not that you could tell that by the number of times he returned any of my texts or calls.
So, after the show Ugarles sat down and the three of us, just caught up.
Ugarles’ wife had bought him football tickets to a Saints game in New Orleans, and he was saying how Cafe du Monde was awesome and how Brother of Ugarles had found this great restaurant because he saw the cook win the Iron chef competition.
“Um…wait…so…how is your challenge going,” I asked.
“Damn it! I can’t believe you didn’t remind me before, I was going to do a bit about it in my act!!!”
(I think it’s cause I was too busy heckling him between sets. It did earn me the “I’m getting heckled by my black friend” shout out. I think he meant me anyway.)
So, how goes the challenge Ugarles?
“Well, when I started I had to lose 18 pounds…now I have to lose 19, and I have less time.”
(I bet he’s still taking those bets folks, step right up.)
“Well, if it makes you feel any better,” F-train said, “I’ve lost three pounds since last week.”
Ugarles and I both stared at his bony face for a minute.
“Why on earth would that make him feel better,” I asked.
“Yeah, unless the rest of that sentence is “because I contracted dysentery and have exploding diarrhea.”
“Well, I did lose a lot in Vegas,” F-train said.
Well, he probably said something like “I loset $200 at Pai Gow, and $100 at the blogger Mixed Game, and $200 playing $6-$12, blah blah blah,” but since I knew his cheap ass wasn’t going to pay me a dollar for having to listen to each of these stories, I smiled and nodded until the nonverbal cues on his face told me it was time to say:
“That sucks. I, on the other hand, won a shitload of money! It was unbelieveable!! I had the nut flush versus second nut flush versus a set for like a $900 pot and that was just my first night!”
I forgot to add “if that makes you feel better.”
“Hey, how come you don’t have a trip report up?”
I explained to them how one of my previous posts got somehow deleted and so I wasn’t so much feeling blogger right now.
Though someday I want to write about the worst hand i ever played. Fisch called it my “Jennifer Tilly moment.” I have pocket queens and I raise from early position. A tight player to my left minraises and I immediately fear kings or aces, but I call. Heads up we see a flop of Qh 7h 4d, I check and he bets $25. Now, despite the flush and straight draws, I decide to “trap him,” and just call.
Turn is a King and now, my stomach churns because I had him on aces or kings and now I could be beat, so I check and he bets another $25. I just call. River brings the Jh. Groan. I check, he checks and turns over pocket aces. I show my set and the whole table points and laughs at me. I hear John-Robert bellande asking “where’s the rest of your pot, Men?”
So, yeah, I’ll blog about that someday…heeeeyyyy….
F-train then told us about his trip to Riga and how he stayed out all night even though he had a flight catch.
“What’s the big deal about staying up just to catch a flight,” Ugarles asked.
“You don’t want to miss it,” I answered.
“Well, it’s not just that, when you’re wedged into those seats, it’s hard to sleep.”
“DUDE! Are you kidding me?,” Ugarles asked, “You have never been wedged into a seat in your life. You’ve got room for your bags in the seat beside you. On my way to new Orleans I was sitting next to my brother…now that’s wedged!”
Seriously, Ugarles is too funny.
December 20th, 2007 at 3:56 pm
Seriously, I totally am.