I do not need a new car I do not need a new car I do not need a new car I do not need a new car
“In my car, I would open the sunroof and stick my head out so I could see how far this traffic goes,” Fisch says as we sit in bumper to bumper traffic.
Shut it.
Later, as he takes the keys to drive us to dinner, I am informed that “my car doesn’t need keys to start, you just press a button when you get close enough…I keep thinking what are these keys for?”
I murder you.
And then when I am told that “in my car you just plug your ipod into the dash and the music plays out of the speakers. All new cars have that,” I glare and tell him he is free to walk back to California and get his car to drive him around. The Professor will not tolerate such abuse!
It’s like when Karol’s brother got his new Porsche SUV a couple of years ago and where she had been perfectly content driving to Jersey in my perfectly capable Honda, suddenly it was all “waaa, where’s the GPS?” “Boo hoo, my butt is cold, doesn’t this thing have a seat warmer?”
Sheesh, now I know how old people end up in homes.
Anyway, Fisch redeemed himself by getting me a portable GPS for my birthday. And for the last two days, I have been obsessed with it. I auditioned various guiding voices (Sally and Veronica, just sounded like whores) and finally settled on Fred. Fred is very tough and no nonsense, I tried to set the clock to my usual 30 minutes fast, but um…the GPS was having none of it.
And then I set off on the maiden voyage!
“Take me to East Coco Beach.”
The GPS took me a different way, than I usually go, but at one point when I was about to deviate, Fred was all “I said left. LEFT!”
I told you. No. Nonsense.
I picked my mom up and between the two of us, we entered like twenty different addresses – including the address of this bitchy lady that we hate – just to see if the GPS could find it.
And it did!
Ah technology. If I could just teach Fred to play poker, I drive straight to Vegas to make the union legal.
And Fred would guide the way.
August 2nd, 2007 at 11:50 am
What’s this?
Fred is very tough and no nonsense…
and
And Fred would guide the way.
You like guys named Fred, eh?
So……….
When are you voting for Senator Thompson?
August 2nd, 2007 at 12:47 pm
when I can fit him in my glove compartment.
August 2nd, 2007 at 5:17 pm
You *totally* need a new car. One that’s big with large blind spots and has loads of extra power under the hood. You need that. And, when you get it, aim for the cabs. Not only will they get out of the way most of the time, but if you do hit one, you can think of it as retaliation for all the times you’ve had to go to the cab regulatory authority and complain about a driver.
August 2nd, 2007 at 6:19 pm
Dude, you just reminded me about a cab drievr I have to report…where did I put his hack number…