Clareified

Where does the good go

Seems like relationships are the topic du jour…

There’s F-train, who plans to keep his grandma alive forever (funny story, my mom is no longer so much interested in my getting married as much as she wants me to have kids, like immediately) and then there’s Todd Seavey who had me cracking up for a good ten minutes with his personal ad:

Ten Rules for Dating Todd

1. Sane chicks are hot.

Do you often find yourself saying, “Why does everything have to be rational all the time?”

Do you ever end an argument by saying, “Just because it’s more logical doesn’t mean it’s right?”

Do you cry sometimes without knowing why, or without being able to explain why “in words”?

Do you hear voices in your head, whether human or divine?

Do you believe yourself to be “highly intuitive” even when you have been repeatedly proven wrong or have no evidence that your intuited judgments proved to be accurate?

Do you become sullen and uncommunicative when people say things with which you disagree?

Do you sometimes treat innocent others sadistically?

Do you often find yourself using phrases such as “It’s just a really confusing time for me emotionally,” “I’m having trouble thinking lately,” or “Something makes me think they’re all against me, even though they’re being nice”?

Do you think it’s acceptable to have contradictory ideas? Or acceptable to express anger toward people who point out that you have said one thing yet done another? Or acceptable to express anger at others because you have consciously chosen a course of action completely at odds with your main goal and are now suffering for it?

Do you get angry when people “take you at your word,” say, expecting you to show up when you said you would, expecting you to call if you said you’d call, or otherwise expecting you to behave as if you have integrity even in small things?

Do you like to think of yourself as a “zany and offbeat thinker” who defies the usual linear rules of thought?

Do you like to see others suffer when you are having a bad day?

Do you let off steam by picking fights over nothing, even with people who try to seek a compromise with you?

Do you lie in order to avoid conflicts, even though by doing so you increase the odds of a more significant later conflict?

Do you think that a given statement must be true if you “feel strongly” about the underlying issue? (For instance, that God must exist because you feel passionately about religion, or that socialism or welfare-statism must be superior to capitalism as a means of ensuring human happiness because you have cared deeply about socialism or welfare-statism for many years?)

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you may be insane and probably shouldn’t date me (I’m sure many of you would hasten to add “I wouldn’t dream of it!” and that’s good — you’re being wise, for once). This is not to say that you are a bad person — you may even be better than average in many ways, or at least better than the average woman — but you are not the sort of reasonable, level-headed, mild-mannered person with whom another reasonable, level-headed, mild-mannered person like myself ought to spend a lot of time.

If you answered “no” to all these questions, there may be hope of us getting along and even building a romantic relationship. But read on and learn the other nine Rules for Dating Todd.

I am definitely not the girl for Todd, though, I read question four and was like “wait…who doesn’t hear voices in their head?” Who tells those people what to do?

Seavey link via Karol

12 Responses to “Seems like relationships are the topic du jour…”

  1. Karol Says:

    Do you get angry when people “take you at your word,” say, expecting you to show up when you said you would, expecting you to call if you said you’d call, or otherwise expecting you to behave as if you have integrity even in small things?

    I like this one in particular. Integrity even in small things….

  2. Mary Says:

    Actually, that is not question four, but more like 1.d. There’s nine more questions /rules below the one you posted. Whew!

    Hopefully he doesn’t live in Lower Manhattan where:

    “according to a special census calculation, the sex ratio there increased to 126 men per 100 women in 2005, from 101 men per 100 women in 2000. In the rest of Manhattan, and in the city over all, there were only 90 men for every 100 women.”

    http://tinyurl.com/2rczwh

    That would lower his chances of meeting the right person even more.

    Geez…I wish I was back working on Broad Street. In 2000 – 2001 when I was there, the pickings were slim.

  3. Chugarte Says:

    The pickings are still slim; there are just more men.

  4. Mary Says:

    hahaha – so true, Charles, so true.

  5. Karol Says:

    Charles is participating in a debate Todd is hosting–if you all want to meet the man behind the myth. And yes, I mean Todd here. :-)

  6. Dawn Summers Says:

    Charles has to come to one of my poker games before said event for me to go.

  7. Dawn Summers Says:

    Geez…I wish I was back working on Broad Street. Mary, that just doesn’t sound right…

  8. Jake Says:

    I can answer no to most of the questions. But I can all ready tell that Todd is not my type.

    Karol:
    “Integrity even in small things.” Very well said. I aspire to achieve that integrity. It makes you so much easier to be a friend.

  9. Chugarte Says:

    Dawn – see you tonight.

  10. Dawn Summers Says:

    woo hoo, my nefarious plan is a success! :)

  11. Eric Says:

    With this first question, Todd has elimiated 95% of huwomanity. If the others don’t set a lower bar he’s gonna be watching TV on Friday nights.

  12. Casca Says:

    What’s wrong with watching TV on a Friday night? Have you seen the History Channel? It’s all war, all night. That, a pepperoni pizza, and a flagon of gin&tonic is the best thing this side of heaven.

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