Clareified

I saw a monkey crawl across the lawn tonight. Or it was a cat.

Click the link
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Fish eat young if they’re uncertain about paternity.

Well, Feb 4th is in black history month.

And Soxlover cries?

I don’t usually care about football, but hey… Nice game, good Manning quarterback.

TVs Dwayne Wayne seems to be making a comeback with recent guest appearances on ‘My Name is Earl’ and House.

Something on my face caught my eye in the restaurant mirror. “Hmm,” I thought, “that’s not supposed to be there.”
I pulled it off and it turned out…attached to my face it was. Blood began streaming down my face.

Karol said it was cancer. And then she put a band aid on it.

After my impromptu walk through the brisk January air, my encounter with the law and my first verbal altercation with a parking lot attendant in the new year, I was wired and wide awake at 3:00 a.m. I curled up on my couch and settled in to watch last week’s top 20 videos. (I have been on a “let’s see what the kids are listening to kick” these days. Verdict: The kids are listening to crap. Who is Fergie and why is she enjoying anything more than ridicule and tomatoes. She’s horrifying. I remain incapable of resisting Beyonce though. You must not know about her. What can I say? She can have another you in a minute, matter fact, he’ll be here in a minute.)
And then Karol calls.
“Let’s go get a drink!”
“It’s cold. I’m not leaving my house.”
“Come on. You have a car.”
Hmm. I do have a car…and I’m not doing anything and I’ve been meaning to go to a bar on a Saturday night…
“Ok…I’m in.”
“Great! I’m calling a car now. We have to hurry…it’s 3:15 and the bars stop serving at 4!”
Wait…what? Bars close? In NEW YORK!??
I drive about half a mile and meet Karol’s car in front of the bar –yes, how very LA of us. Unfortunately, that bar was closed and we had to drive to another one. And time was running out.
“Look, we’re not going to make it, unless you can hit some of these green lights.”
“Let’s speed all the way to the bar, so we can tie one on for half an hour and drive back.”
Awesome!
We got to the bar at a quarter to four, but one of Karol’s friends was bartending and he told us not to worry about any crazy closing time.
I loved this place. They had a jukebox, and darts and a pool table. Which totally works out because I am getting pool shooting lessons and Cash has promised to tutor me – now, I have a place to practice!
Karol and I racked up some balls and played a game. I started off really well, leading me to believe that I had an innate talent for pool.
“This might be like Stud Eight all over again.”
And then I sorta hit a wall. With the cue. Over and over again. Karol ended up winning by doing some crazy bankshot off the reverse wall to sink the eight ball.
“DUDE! MY ASS YOU’VE NEVER PLAYED BEFORE!”
“Well…I didn’t say I never played before…anybody that knows how to play kicks my ass all the time.”
Grr.
We played another game, which I somehow managed to win.
Then she was all “see? You and I are on the same level..how about we play the next game for money?”
That game, she sank all her balls in less than four minutes and then finished off the eight ball in one shot. B game mode, I suppose.
I think she owns my apartment now.
She then left me and my seven remaining balls to go hang out with some men at the bar.
I was all distracted with the balls clacking but I distinctly heard someone ask her if she had any Irish in her, she said no and then he said “do you want some.”
I moved on to dartboard and this guy said I was hitting the board better than some men. I even hit a hole in one.
I put on a bunch of songs on the jukebox and by the end of the night the whole bar was singing Sinatra’s ‘My Way’ with me and Karol was dancing with some old dude.
(The guy was so plastered that when I put on Carly Simon’s “You’re so vain,” he proceeded to share his theory that “look, the song was about that guy so how is he so vain,” followed by a slap in the imaginary Carly Simon’s head to every.single.person.in.the.bar.
“Hey! Hey! Dawn. So, like the song IS about him, right? SO, how is he vain. DUH, Carly!” Smack!
“Yeah…yup…drunk guy…”
“Hey! Hey! Karol So, like the song IS about him, right? SO, how is he vain. DUH, Carly!” Smack!
“Hey! Hey! Nick…”
And so on…I helped Karol’s friend Mark put the stools up on the bar.
“Man, I am going to be here everyday!!!”
It was awesome. I am so joining the bar pool team.
Karol offered to take the bartender and his friend Nick home and it wasn’t long before the conversation turned to poker.
“Hey, I see a four person tournament right here.”
Mark begged off because he had work in the morning, but Nick and Karol came over and we played a bunch of mini tournaments till like 9 in the morning.
“Dude. Did you pick up a guy in a bar and bring him back to my place?”
“Well, I would say ‘we picked up a guy’…”
“I bet you would.”
See you tomorrow Dawn’s new bar…and Cash, we must begin pool training immediately, if I am to sink the series winning shot at the end of the ninth to win the league trophy.

When given the choice of watching the Color Purple or Billy Madison on HBO, Dawn will choose Billy Madison every time…even though she swore she was watching the Color Purple the next time.

Richardson me toos his way into the news.

Actually this announcement does not make me want to vomit. However, we now have twice as many announced candidates for our primary than the bad guys and that does not make me happy.