Clareified

Where does the good go

Cough Cough Hack Spurt Sputter

“Go to a doctor” – Karol
“Wait…you think you have laryngitis, but you haven’t seen a doctor?” –Sabaka
“Your grandmother wouldn’t go to the doctor for her cold…should we call her and ask how that worked out?”-my mother

I don’t like doctors. Who needs them and their needles, tests and waiting rooms? Besides, as a card carrying hypochondriac, I can diagnose my own illnesses.
However, I do not like coughing up little bits of my throat, being unable to talk or struggling to breathe all night…so to the doctor I decided to go.
I just walked into a doctor’s office near my neighborhood.
“Have you been here before?”
“No.”
“Well, I’m sorry, Dr. Quack is not taking on new…wait…I’m sorry, do you have insurance.”
“Yes.”
“Oh…and you want a check up?”
“Well, I have a cold.”
“Ok…have a seat.”
I am coughing incessantly.
The doctor comes out and says “well, I know why you’re here!”
Awesome.
“So, are you here to see me or my father?”
Uhhh…
“Don’t know…”
His face lights up.
“OK! Come on in here.”
“You sound terrible…did you go to work today”?
“Yes.”
“Well, you shouldn’t be. You could spread this.”
Awesome.
He has me do that “ahhhh” stick test
I breathe for him and he tells me I have acute bronchitis.
“I just gave away my last free samples to the last guy…but you’ve got insurance right?”
“Yes.”
“Ok, well I can also give you Vicodin, if you want.”
What?
“Why? Do I need Vicodin?”
“I dunno…do you?”
Dude.
“Uh…I don’t think so…”
“OK…up to you. So, great. Take these antibiotics, you should be fine by Thursday, Friday..but I wouldn’t go to work for the rest of the week.”
‘Rif.
So, there you have it. I may have contagious bronchitis or my doctor may just be a quack who hands out Vicodin like candy.

6 Responses to “Cough Cough Hack Spurt Sputter”

  1. Gib Says:

    He’s telling you not to go work. What’s the problem?

  2. Drizztdj Says:

    And if 30+ bloggers suddenly post about getting sick we’ll know who to blame. :)

  3. pi Says:

    You didn’t take the Vicodin prescription? dumb ass

  4. Eric Says:

    Well, you can put him in the Rolodex under “f” for “feelgood”.

    He didn’t say you couldn’t play poker, right?

  5. Jake Says:

    If you can keep that cough going, you could become a drug dealer with the help of that doctor.

  6. Clareified » Blog Archive » It takes a village to keep Dawn alive Says:

    [...] AND had part of my gum removed. A few years ago, I had bronchitis, oh maybe for four weeks, before Karol and Sabaka made me go to a doctor. And obviously, without my mom’s tenacious…er…yelling, my gangrenous gall bladder [...]

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