Clareified

No, you’re not a planet!

An Iraqi captain was saved from marauding Somali pirates by U.S. Marines, and made sails with old cloth to power his 3,000-ton cargo ship to the Seychelles when the engines failed.

Ay, ay.

I guess they had it at “jumping on the couch.”

I got Larry Johnson in my fantasy football league.

Of course, what this means is that Larry Johnson will get broken in the second week and be out for the rest of the season.

I apologize in advance.

I’ve been poker-consumed for the past week or so. Playing, watching it on TV, and planning home games. Consequently, while I have been blogging up a little storm….I’ve been doing it on that other blog.
That said, today I decided I really, really, really, really need to post something here.
It’s a bad sign, when Pi, who only reads my blog occasionally, says “yeah, you’ve been cutting and pasting others people’s stuff a lot.”
Awesome.
“Well, give me something to write about…you know, like…”resolved: something something. Then I’ll take the pro or con.”
“What is this? Debate club?”
After further pressing, she finally came up with “resolved: marriage is an obsolete institution.”
Um…I thought about it and my brain spit out something like “not enough information.”
So I passed.
But then I went blogsurfing and came across some very good postage by the master of the universe. Although I vehemently disagree with him about train travel, (i.e. I’d rather shove a fiery poker through my head than get on Amtrak going anywhere.) this post on laziness piqued my creative juices.

…consider that the average first year associate at a law firm can make, with bonus, far more than an engineer well into his career, with guaranteed advancement as long as you maintain your billable hours (and don’t royally screw something up) and it seems more to me that the primary motivator for going to law school is that it’s probably one of the easiest (and by easy, we mean least ambiguous) career path one can choose in this country.

True enough, it’s why I became a lawyer. I wanted to be rich and without any family money, technological prowess or scientific proclivities, law will out.
Obviously, with the face of my teenage self staring back at me from the screen whenever I check out my blog, she has been much on my mind.

As I was telling Karol, that girl was always planning. Only two yearbook pictures in ninth grade?

Well, in ten grade, we’d have to join more clubs! And she did it. She wanted to go to Yale, so by junior year she was President of at least half the clubs she joined sophomore year.

I had it all planned out back then: Yale, lawyer, hell out of the hood.

But pretty much once I stepped foot on the college campus, I have done nothing but lose focus.

I literally fell ass backwards into law school. (I went to a journalism job fair with fifty copies of a resume which had the wrong phone number in my header…after sloppily crossing out the offending digits on about six or so, I threw the whole stupid pile in the trash and mailed out my LSAT registration form that night.)

I pretty much fell ass backwards into every legal job I’ve had and even kinda fell ass backwards into moving out of the hood.

And even now, as I realize that my time as a corporate lawyer is fast approaching its end, I cannot muster up the slightest bit of energy or ambition to start to plan a future.

“Eh, I guess I’ll temp for a while,” is the best I’ve got. And goodness knows, you’re in big, big trouble when “temp for a while” is your Plan A.

A decade of lazy-fueled coasting has atrophied my every life planning ability.

But, no fear, this specter of impeding disaster has got to be enough to motivate me to get my act together.

Right?

Watch your eyes, Bloomie!

Scrubs’ upcoming musical episode provides insight into Esther’s mental health.

The episode won’t be a complete fantasy, [said series creator Bill Lawrence].”We’re using an actual medical case,” Lawrence says. “We found one of a woman who had an aneurysm and [started] seeing everything as a musical.”

Ah. So that’s what’s wrong with me…but my doctors said there was no diagnosis…I knew TV would provide the answer. Through song, there is healing.

Shudder.

via Karol

Paris Hilton: “I, like, cry, when I listen to [to my CD].”

I don’t understand what the problem is. When I learned the alphabet back in kindergarten, I learned that there were five vowels. They were a, e, i, o, u, and sometimes y. Now if you count the vowels in that list you get six, not five. But that doesn’t change the fact that there are five vowels, and y is one of them, sometimes.

We do things like this all the time. There are crayolas called “white” and “black” despite the fact that those are not real colors. And Canada is a member of the United Nations, despite the fact that it’s not a real country. Also, Paris Hilton recorded a CD despite the fact that she’s not a real singer.

Plus, annika’s solution has the added benefit of letting me avoid saying things like “well, I’ve been doing x since way back when Pluto was a planet.”