I went to a great comedy show last night.
It was a bi-partisan political “comic jam” and there were some great lines.
Fellow blogger, Robert George:
“Dick Cheney shot a guy in the face and waited twelve hours to talk to the police about it, George Bush is caught cursing by a microphone…look, I know we are trying to attract black people to the Republican party, but did we really have to become Hot 97?”
“You get the guy who you shot to apologize for getting shot? Now that’s gangsta.”
Karol’s friend Julia Gorin had a great line about combining selling the morning after pill and Viagra over the counter and calling it the “Lolita package.”
Guy whose name I don’t know, but who had me laughing so hard that my stomach hurt for his whole set:
“Look, I’m not saying you’re a redneck if you like Nascar…but you’re on the right track. I’m sorry people but that is just not a sport…you want to make Nascar a sport? How about we send another car going the other way at the same time?”
“I love the President…I really do. And not just because he gives me material, which, you know, I appreciate — but as a comedian, I can appreciate a President with a catchphrase! Have you all noticed that? Whenever he’s in trouble or answering a question he doesn’t like, he goes right to “freedom’s on the march!”
“Have you noticed how Bush has recently started saying “Al Kai eeda” That’s right…not al queda or alcaida. Al Kai eeda…it’s gone from terrorist arab organization to a mexican restaurant.”
Other guy whose name I don’t know:
Yeah…I was in the army…I know what you’re thinking. What’s a nice Jewish boy doing in the army? Well, I have to say they asked the same thing. Except without the nice…and without the “ish.”
You know what’s weird…like all these homophobic guys in the army…it’s like come on. You’re all big and tough but then you get all scared if a guy likes you likes? Man up, people, you can be homophobic, but don’t be fags about it.
Oh and then there was this one dude, who was totally homophobic, but then he’d make the most homoerotic threats ever like: ‘dammit. I swear if you call me gay again, I will shove my c*ck up your ass!'”