Clareified

Where does the good go

Live-blogging the Emmys

8:20 Oh, crap…the Emmys!

8:22 Megan Mullally –ok…enough…is she really going to cry? Who’s gonna fix the makeup?
8:24 Is the banter this year particularly bland?
8:25 Bob Newhart dies! hahahahahahahahahah Conan funny.
8:27 Blythe Danner wins? She looks a lot like Gwyenth Paltrow. Their agents should introduce them…maybe cast them as mother/daughter in something or big sister/little sister.
8:28 i can’t take these acceptance speeches
8:30 Oooh outstanding supporting actor is tough competition…Jeremy Piven wins…Jeremy Piven cries. Seriously people, you’re killing me.
8:31 Dick Clark died? Why was I not told?
8:33 OH NO…They’re moving Law & Order to Fridays —that’s the last stop before cancellation…I’ll miss you Jesse L. I’ll miss you.
8:35 Why does the Geico lizard have a British accent?
8:36 Chris Meloni is baaalldddddd.
8:36 hey, that’s not funny. Marion Jones is a hero.
8:37 Supporting actress in a miniseries? Boooooorrrrriiinnngg…what the hell is kelly macdonald wearing? Oh, wait did I ask what she’s wearing? I meant who the hell is Kelly Macdonald.
8:39 More commercials? Hey! Barry Manilow is still alive. Good for him.
8:41 hahahahhaha Kevin Costner and Ashton Kutcher in a movie? hahahahahahahhahahahaha bahahahahahahah
8:42 Umm…did anyone else get choked up during that Eli/Peyton Manning commercial.
8:43 “what an incredible waste of time…sorry bob” hahahahaahah Oh, Conan.
8:43 My HDTV makes Heidi Klum look fat.
8:44 Colbert Report vs. Daily Show? oooh…comedu central’s hallways must ahve been teeming with tension.
8:45 Were they just frenching on tv? And by they I mean Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. And by frenching I mean acting very, very gay.
[Not that there’s anything wrong with that.]
[Gayness, I mean. Frenchhood remains as problematic as ever.]
8:46 Hey, it’s the guy that broke up with Carrie via post-it!
8:47 Yay! Cloris Leachman!
8:48 How short is Leslie Jordan? has to be a record for one who does not actually qualify as a “little person.”
8:49 Uhh…comedies have directors? Who knew? Not me. I guess this is why we have the Emmy’s.
8:50 I think Bob Newhart is totally going to die in there!
8:51 I remember Arrested Development. Good show. Wow, My Name Is Earl is just cleanin’ up, ain’t it?
8:51 Grandma boobie-shaking?! Awesome.
8:53 “God, I am sure you’re responsible for this in some way, but you took my hair man and that’s not cool.” hahahahahaha An no thank you speech! very creative, i’m totally stealing that for my Oscar speech. ahahahahahhahaha
8:56 Man, how far second Mason has fallen since Santa Barbara was cancelled.
8:56 It occurs to me that I haven’t watched live television in sooo long…so this is what commercials are like.
8:58 dear Simon…chest hair ain’t attractive. Button up. Blah blah blah blah blah…he’s boring when not insulting attention starved bad singers.
9:00 Wow Run DMC was on Bandstand? booooooooooooooooooooo…Simon Cowell bores me.
9:01 Uh…it’s official. Dick Clark is oollddd.
9:04 I wanna be in showbusiness too!!! Aww…how cute is Barry Manilow? Look at himk try to dance! He looks like Sigfried or Freud!
9:10 Tina Fey looks too glamorous now.
9:11 Barry Manilow wins the First annual Dawn Summers’ “Fakest Surprise Look on Television” Award. Congrats, Sir, congrats. No one could have looked less surprised while trying to look surprised.
9:13 Has Conan ever done the Oscar’s? Accountants are funny.
9:14 Is Wentworth Miller a black guy?
9:15 I remember Six Feet Under. HANDS!! I know, I know…no one else is watching Boston Legal, so you have no idea what I’m talking about, Willis.
9:17 “The new Golden Age of Television”? Ok.
9:18 Could I be more bored doing something I don’t have to do? I don’t think so.
9:19 BROOKLYN! I dream of being a writer instead of being there, don’t see me going on and on about it.
9:24 My dream is to write banter for awards shows. There. I said it.
9:25 Has tonight’s show been especially British? Yes, love. What colour is the loo in the lift?
9:26 Howie Mandel says: “Good luck, Oprah.” I dunno…I wanna punch him.
9:29 Not so random thought: All directing, writing, design, and technical Emmys should be given out…not at all.
9:31 Steve Colbert hates Jon Stewart sooo much. I can see it in his eyes. Sleep with one eye open, Jon!
9:37 More Brits. Hugh Laurie funny. HAHAHHAHAH…hahahahahhah “imposible” “poof cinque” I wonder if the House producers told him to speak French, so that House fans wouldn’t know that he was British? Goodness knows, he fooled Ken!
9:41 Heey, black guy won! WHOA and he has a black wife??
9:42 “I despise the success of others.” – Matthew Perry hahahahhahahh
9:43 MONK! YAY! (And may I say I posted that even before his name was read cause…well, did ya see the other nominees? Didja? His daughter is inexpliacbly hot. Oh, nevermind…she’s adopted.
9:49 OK…I am ready for some news shows. The Tina Fey one, Studio 60 look good? Any other suggestions? Oh..sorry…Candace Bergen is on…heey, remember Candace who used to blog? Whatever happened to her?
9:51 Uhh…where’s Tori in this tribute to Aaron Spelling?
9:52 What’s on Heather Locklear’s hand? It’s like a rat, but made out of diamonds. Dude. Joan Collins…get over yourself. The rest of us have. There’s Tori! Look at her all poor and disinherited.
9:56 OH MY GOSH THE CHARLIE’S ANGELS!!! And not the punk-ass Drew Barrymore, ugly girl and asian girl trio. I love them!!!~!!! Kate Jackson always was the best one. Farrah Fawcett crazy…or drunk…crazy? no, no…drunk…wait…definitely crazy. ummm…ok, drunk. Maybe high..hey! It’s Nate! “Naaaarrrrmmmm”
10:07 Say what? “We made this movie to help in the war against extreme poverty. Our director can’t be here because he is directing the next installment of Harry Potter.”
10:10 “I lost to Barry Manilow, singing and dancing is not performing…Wolverine I could have lost to…he has claws for HANDS! -Stephen Colbert.
10:18 ENUF of the Brits gatdangit. Why don’t ew just call this the …quick I did a word with british associations that rhymes with Emmy…the Thamesys?
10:20 I remember the Sopranos…last season suck-didly-ucked. “Tony Soprano says: Get home safe” hahahahhahhahahah
10:22 Edie Falco looks like a man. A crossing dressing man.
10:22 MORE BRITS
10:24 Gasp! “Maureen Stapelton died…wait…do I know who Maureen Stapelton is? No…I’m thinking of the lady from All in the Family.”
Oh no…Richard Pryor is finally dead! Wait…why’d they have to show him in a jail cell?
10:36 Calista FLOCKHART IS COMING BACK TO TELEVISION? What’s the sound of a billion shoulders shrugging. I will say that her banter with the guy from the Drew Carey show is the best of the night. “I was hoping you’d go ass over tit.”
10:37 Check-out the pronounciation on Calista.
10:38 Hold up…she named her son August?
10:40 Will Jaqne Kaczmarek ever get back on TV? Except in the Simpsons….Oh my gosh! Tyra, you’ve got spiders on your face!!
10:42 Oh. Heeelll no way does Julia Louis-Doofus deserve to win an Emmy over Jane and Debra…ugh.
10:43 Men, men, men, men Naaaarrmmmm
10:44 oooh..tough choices…i’d pick…KEIFFER! whoa NINE nominations and this is his first win?? That’s Lucci numbers. OK, did you guys see the evil President boozing it up in the audience during Kieffer’s speech?? Did Kieffer just thank that “Sir, that I do”? Oh, this is so gonna refuel those Perez Hilton “Kieffer’s gay” rumours. Damn it. I mean rumors. Stupid British Emmys.
10:52 WHAT! THE.OFFICE.? THE OFFICE? The office? I would like to take this opportunity to say that even though the Emmys suck ass, the office still sucks more.
10:54 Anette Bening? How’d she get that honor? She probably doesn’t even own a television.
10:55 24 wins, but I am still queasy from the Office winning.
10:58 Well, folks…that’s it the Emmys came in on time…under actually and so, I’m done. See you next year.

10 Responses to “Live-blogging the Emmys”

  1. Petitedov Says:

    Crap totally missed them! Arrested Development didn’t win anything? How is that possible?!!

  2. Karol Says:

    “8:43 My HDTV makes Heidi Klum look fat.”

    I believe the term is “pregnant”.

  3. Chugarte Says:

    I have no idea if you are serious about the Blythe Danner comment.

  4. dawn summers Says:

    Of course I’m serious, she totally looks like an older gwen. it’s uncanny.

    karol…oh, didn’t know that. i mean i’ve heard the term, she didn’t realize she was. again.

  5. Alceste Says:

    Given her professed her desire to crank out babies for Seal – you should probably just assume she’s pregnant if you see her at some point in the next 5 years…

  6. Chugarte Says:

    *sigh*

  7. Karol Says:

    I think she knows Bylthe Danner is Gwenyth’s mother. Right?

  8. Chugarte Says:

    Their agents should introduce them

    I’m not so sure. That’s why I made the comment above.

  9. dawn summers Says:

    hahahahhaahahahahhahahahaha.
    At the poker table, we have a phrase for when your raise is called by seven people. You smile and pleasantly say “that’s table respect, right there, folks.”

    hahahahahahahahahaaha In that vein, “that’s faith in Dawn people.”

  10. jamaicavanwyck Says:

    “9:41 Heey, black guy won! WHOA and he has a black wife??”

    Obviously has not ascended to the assimilated negro plan.

    http://theassimilatednegro.blogspot.com/

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