Clareified

Those days are gone forever; I should just let 'em go but…

Archive for August, 2006

Quote of the Day

Thursday, August 31st, 2006 by Dawn Summers

So, your fearless host may or may not have done something really bad today and in response F-train wondered aloud how I do not burst into flames when walking into a church.

Fisch replied:

“i dont believe in church and the god i believe in has a sense of humor
and he waits for these moments and laughs his omnipotent ass off”

Do I need a doctor?

Thursday, August 31st, 2006 by Dawn Summers

I have been laughing non-stop for the past half hour…I think I have seriously messed up my internal organs. Ouch…must…not…laugh…anymore….

Hello out there

Thursday, August 31st, 2006 by Dawn Summers

Ok, I am getting crazy, insane amounts of hits today…and while my windshield wipers post is fascinating and insightful…well, it has to be coming from somewhere else. Some magical, wonderful traffic generating place that I wish to thank and pay homage to properly…so if anyone can figure it out, leave me a comment!

You need to change your windshield wiper blades when…

Wednesday, August 30th, 2006 by Dawn Summers

Your ratio of being guided during your rainy 3 a.m. drive home has gone from 90 percent sight, 10 percent memory to 90 percent memory, 10 percent sight.

By the American people?

Tuesday, August 29th, 2006 by Dawn Summers

Jessica Simpson ordered to rest voice.

Comedy

Tuesday, August 29th, 2006 by Dawn Summers

I went to a great comedy show last night.
It was a bi-partisan political “comic jam” and there were some great lines.
Fellow blogger, Robert George:

“Dick Cheney shot a guy in the face and waited twelve hours to talk to the police about it, George Bush is caught cursing by a microphone…look, I know we are trying to attract black people to the Republican party, but did we really have to become Hot 97?”

“You get the guy who you shot to apologize for getting shot? Now that’s gangsta.”

Karol’s friend Julia Gorin had a great line about combining selling the morning after pill and Viagra over the counter and calling it the “Lolita package.”

Guy whose name I don’t know, but who had me laughing so hard that my stomach hurt for his whole set:

“Look, I’m not saying you’re a redneck if you like Nascar…but you’re on the right track. I’m sorry people but that is just not a sport…you want to make Nascar a sport? How about we send another car going the other way at the same time?”

“I love the President…I really do. And not just because he gives me material, which, you know, I appreciate — but as a comedian, I can appreciate a President with a catchphrase! Have you all noticed that? Whenever he’s in trouble or answering a question he doesn’t like, he goes right to “freedom’s on the march!”

“Have you noticed how Bush has recently started saying “Al Kai eeda” That’s right…not al queda or alcaida. Al Kai eeda…it’s gone from terrorist arab organization to a mexican restaurant.”

Other guy whose name I don’t know:

Yeah…I was in the army…I know what you’re thinking. What’s a nice Jewish boy doing in the army? Well, I have to say they asked the same thing. Except without the nice…and without the “ish.”

You know what’s weird…like all these homophobic guys in the army…it’s like come on. You’re all big and tough but then you get all scared if a guy likes you likes? Man up, people, you can be homophobic, but don’t be fags about it.
Oh and then there was this one dude, who was totally homophobic, but then he’d make the most homoerotic threats ever like: ‘dammit. I swear if you call me gay again, I will shove my c*ck up your ass!’”

Not So Random Thought

Tuesday, August 29th, 2006 by Dawn Summers

All day I’ve been threatening people that I’m going to see their death in my dreams…now, I’m afraid to go to sleep!

Why oh why am I such an idiot?

Sooo….tired….

World’s Oldest Person Dies

Monday, August 28th, 2006 by Dawn Summers

Long live the world’s oldest person. I mean longer.

I’m skeered

Monday, August 28th, 2006 by Dawn Summers

So, I don’t usually write about my dreams for fear that they will expose the true depths of my madness. That or bore the hell out of my readers.
That said.
This morning, at 2:48 a.m. I was startled awake by the image of a man falling to his death in my dreams.
I was fairly disturbed, but it was still dark out and well, I was in my bed, so I went back to sleep.
When I woke up again at 8, I saw this story on the news.

A sanitation truck driver died early Monday morning after his truck slammed into a guardrail on the Brooklyn Queens Expressway.

Police say the driver was thrown from the truck, which is still hanging from the roadway, causing major delays.

According to the reporter at the scene, he fell to his death shortly before 3 this morning. Further creeping me out is the fact that I was driving along Furman street (the street on which he fell) exactly 24 hours before his death.

All of which begs the question…how can I make money off of these strange new powers?

Oops

Sunday, August 27th, 2006 by Dawn Summers

A commuter jet mistakenly trying to take off on a runway that was too short crashed into a field Sunday and burst into flames, killing 49 people and leaving the lone survivor — a co-pilot — in critical condition, federal investigators said.

Plane crashes in Kentucky.