Clareified

FIND YOURSELF IN A HOLE? KEEP DIGGING

I called a car to pick me up from Whiteyville to take me to my new home in North Kenwindsorton Court (hereafter the NC).
The company calls to say the car is downstairs and I go down.
I see the driver stealing a drag.
“Safeway?” I ask him.
He doesn’t answer.
“Hi…hello there! SAFEWAY?” I ask a little louder.
He shakes his head in the negative and exhales a plume of smoke.
Well, where the heck is this car then, I say walking to a maroon sedan parked in the driveway.
I peer in and there is no driver. I look at the passenger side door and see the huge Safeway emblem emblazoned in black lettering on the side.
DUDE.
I storm back over to Smoky McIdiot.
“Hey! You driving that car…the car that says SAFEWAY?”
“Yes…where you going to ma’am?”
“The NC”
“Oh, oh…” he quickly stamps out the cigarette and walks over to the car. He holds the door open for me and shuts it.
I am glaring.
As he buckles himself in, he looks up at me in the rearview.
“Sorry, sorry about that. There’s a girl I usually pick up here that goes to her parents in Manhattan Beach. You weren’t her…”
‘Rif.
“Nope. I’m black.”
Nervous laughter.
“No, no…she’s a tiny little thing.”
Excuuuse me??
“Oh…I mean…no offense…it’s just real small…” he trails off.
I put my ipod phones in and crack the 50 cent.
Minutes later I see him looking back at me.
“Is that an ipod?”
“Yes.”
Insert glare.
“When we get to your house can I listen to it for a second…I just never heard one.”
Dude.
“It’s the same as a walkman or a Discman.”
“Oh, I never had those either.”
Oy.
As he makes the right onto my block he tells me that there used to be a horse stable nearby, but they were evicted.
“Yeah, they are building new condos over there,” I reply.
“Man…pretty soon an apartment in New York is going to cost like half a million dollars.”
Uhh…
“What really? So you must be rich to be able to buy around here.”
“No, not really.”
He pulls up to my building, I let him listen to some Sinatra on Poddy. He is impressed.
“So how much does something like that cost…is it expensive?”
“No, it’s like 200-300 dollars.”
“THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS!!! That’s A LOT of money!”
Uh oh…my not rich cred fading.
I lose it altogether when I am forced to pay the fare with a fifty dollar bill.
“Gosh! You are rich…what do you do?
mmm…I could say I blog…but if he’s never had a walkman…
I smile, tip and walk toward my building…where the doorman is holding the door open for me.
Oy.
I don’t even so much as glance back at the cab driver.

LOOK PEOPLE…

Dialing 911 is not the way to get a date.

By The Associated ptress

He landed instead in the Tioga County jail on $1,000 bail.

CAPTION THIS!

No…really…go on, caption it.

NEW MEDIA LOOKING MORE LIKE OLD MEDIA

or vice versa…Wonkette named as Time editor.

NOW, THAT’S HOTT

Body count rises in California heat.

In one of the hardest-hit areas, coroners in Fresno County on Wednesday began stacking bodies two to a gurney because there were so many.
Among the 81 deaths believed to be caused by the heat statewide since July 16, 20 are in Fresno County. Coroner Loralee Cervantes said her staff was doing autopsies nonstop and decomposition of some bodies made the causes of death difficult to determine.

My favorite part of this story is that the reporter writing the story is in San Francisco - where it is 52 degrees tops!

NO WORDS. SERIOUSLY. NONE.

Ok…maybe a couple. Please tell me this is a hoax.

via Batesline.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

Nowadays it seems like young parents don’t want to accept the fact that they can’t squeeze in any fun time of their own, so they choose to bring their responsibilities out into the the unmarried and single crowd hang outs.

PN on parents bringing baby to bar days.

By the way, I don’t see their prettiness, but we’ve added Pretty Numbers to the blogroll.

via

TEXAS JURY DOESN’T SEND SOMEONE TO DEATH ROW!

Andrea Yates Not Guilty By Reason of Insanity

Although, I think the prosecutors only trid her for the deaths of a couple of the kids, so they may take another shot.

Today, her former husband, Rusty Yates, who has sat through most of the retrial, said he was glad the jury accepted the insanity plea instead of sending Ms. Yates to prison. He talked about how the prosecution showed pictures of the couple’s five children before their deaths to the jury, hoping to convince them prison was the best resolution for Ms. Yate’s actions.

“Did they think our children want Andrea to be in prison?’’ he asked reporters outside the courtroom. “Did they think that we, her family on either side, want Andrea to be in prison? Is it of any public benefit for Andrea to be in prison? Is she a danger to anyone? It’s amazing to me. I’m so proud of the jury for seeing past that.’’

IT’S NOT GONNA BE ME

Lance Bass is gay and writing a sitcom.

Although Chris Kirkpatrick was always my favorite one.

THAT’S HOW I LIKE MY REPUBLICANS!

Good and ashamed.

Not that I like Republicans, mind you.

[Maryland Lt. Gov. Michael Steele,] spoke of his party affiliation as though it were a congenital defect rather than a choice. “It’s an impediment. It’s a hurdle I have to overcome,” he said. “I’ve got an ‘R’ here, a scarlet letter.”
That left the candidate in a difficult spot. “For me to pretend I’m not a Republican would be a lie,” he reasoned. But to run as a proud Republican? “That’s going to be tough, it’s going to be tough to do,” he said. “If this race is about Republicans and Democrats, I lose.”