Clareified

Where does the good go

Life Tutor Needed

When I was a kid, I got into fights all the time.
One head butt to the chest, the other kid would be on the floor and I would be on top, punching the hell out of him. Or her.
My quarterly report cards always said the same thing “Dawn is a bright child with a creative imagination and an inquisitive mind. However,” and now this part was underlined in red, “her self-control needs improvement.”
I am loathe to blame it on public school, however, and yes, imagine this underlined in red, that’s just how things were settled in my school.
Someone called you names, skipped you in line, whatever —you were scrapping in the yard. And if you told? Well, you were scrapping in the yard anyway, now, you were just scrapping with your whole class.
In seventh grade, when Shantell thought I told the Vice Principal that she had been smoking in the girls bathroom – she threatened me with a knife. I didn’t go tell the homeroom teacher on her. I grabbed the knife, blade first and took it from her. Then I wiped off the blood with her face.
So I guess you could say I was never was really a touchy feely kinda gal.
Of course, when I got a scholarship to go to a fancy schmancy private school in Brooklyn, I was warned over and over that “punch first, punch later” behavior would not be tolerated.
So, I learned to fight with words.
Angry, nasty, mean words.
(Not that I still didn’t occasionally punch people in the face when they had it coming.)
“Dawn, if you keep taking things so seriously, you are going to die very, very young,” my eighth grade English teacher said to me one day during my fortieth detention for “inappropriate language.”
But I took her words to heart.
I couldn’t keep fighting all the time. Well, I could, but one day I was going to come face to face with someone who could beat me. And that’d suck.
So it was, that somewhere in the middle of ninth grade, I decided to become funny instead of angry.
No more insults when teasing would suffice.
I embraced the funny. Just as I was kidding around with others, I also assumed that they were kidding around with me.
Fat jokes no longer resulted in Dawn’s fist in your face, but for sure, you had an ugly/stupid joke coming your way.
It was so stark a transformation, that a guy who knew me in the sixth grade and ended up being a few years senior to me at college, said he couldn’t believe how much I had grown up.
I literally went from being offended by everything, to be offended by nothing.
Until today.
Well, not today specifically, but literally in the last month I’ve come to realize that life is becoming complicated again.
Recently, it seems everyone and my mother has got something or another deep and important to say to me. And while I smile and accept their comments with good humor, that’s suddenly not enough. No, no, they’ve got to make sure that I “understand what they’re saying,” and they want to know “what I think.”
Evidently, these people do not realize that the alternative to happy go lucky Dawn, is punch you in the face Dawn.
On the one hand, I still never feel the need to utter the words “we’ve got to talk.” Nor am I ever inclined to pen a Martha Stewart like “Dear so& so you really upset me today when.” I am more than happy to express my discontent with a well placed middle finger or the sound of me not talking to the offensive party.
I don’t need to talk it out.
Of course, my sense of justice and fair play dictates that if I am going to be subjected to people’s critiques of me, then I too will have to start doling out citiques of my own, — which will just result in more wrist slitting “we have to talk” conversations.
Rock meet hard place.

24 Responses to “Life Tutor Needed”

  1. Karol Says:

    I will be your life tutor.

  2. Pearatty Says:

    I promise never to have any conversations of meaning with you. I expect that you will just infer my meaning from the occasional silence. I was raised WASP.

    :)

  3. Dawn Summers Says:

    I will be your life tutor.

    Yah, and maybe I’ll get Patrick Kennedy to be my AA sponsor while I’m at it.

  4. Jake Says:

    Excellent. I admire you even more for the changes you made in your life.

    Although becoming a lawyer proves that you are still a “punch first, punch later” kind of gal.

  5. fisch Says:

    Is switching from bully to cynic really a “growing up” process? or did you just move sideways down the bench? Heh is this exactly the kind of crap you were talking about? 😉

  6. Dawn Summers Says:

    You do realize that I know where you live and about your penchant for leaving the gas on, right?

    :)

  7. F-Train Says:

    I left the oven on for three days once. But it was during November and only because I was so adamant about not closing the windows that the apartment was cold enough for me not to notice that the oven was on.

    That comment has no bearing on your post.

  8. fisch Says:

    You do realize I know where you live AND your penchant for being up before the 911 operators are on Saturday mornings.

  9. Dawn Summers Says:

    hahahaahahaa. Oh, and I was never a bully. My fighting was always reactive.

  10. Dawn Summers Says:

    I left the oven on for three days once. But it was during November and only because I was so adamant about not closing the windows that the apartment was cold enough for me not to notice that the oven was on.

    You, my friend, are one odd duck.

  11. Charles Says:

    So, did I mention that you should remain the perfect you that you are? Becuase I’m not lookin’ to get shanked.

  12. Dawn Summers Says:

    hahahahah, thanks Charles. See, Fisch? These are the kinds of comments that don’t get your house blown up.

    Of course…home alone watching TV, should said house actually be blown up.

  13. Ugarte Says:

    I’m not a lawyer but I don’t think that you are helping your alibi here.

    Not that I’d give you advice.

  14. Karol Says:

    It’s weird when Charles/Ugarte switches personalities like that.

  15. Charles/Ugarte Says:

    It just depends on the computer that I am writing from. If my name is saved as Ugarte I don’t bother changing it. Usually I don’t even notice until after the fact.

  16. Dawn Summers Says:

    All hail Charte! Or Chugarte!

    Chugarte vs. Brangelina: Return of Celebrity Death Match.

  17. DRobbSki Says:

    Is Chugarte as hot as Brangelina? If so, I’m buyin that on pay-per-view.

    (man that was dumb. I considered canceling it and saving the dumbness for myself. instead, i pass it on, so dawn can make fun of me)

  18. Dawn Summers Says:

    Is Chugarte as hot as Brangelina?

    I report, you decide.

  19. Charles/Ugarte Says:

    Hahahahahaha.

    Chugarte = sad panda.

  20. DRobbSki Says:

    Hmm, “you decide” huh?

    Does that mean now I am the decider?

  21. Dawn Summers Says:

    NO! Bush is the decider.

  22. DRobbSki Says:

    Damn.

  23. Charles/Ugarte Says:

    And Bush thinks I’m SUPER hot.

  24. Dawn Summers Says:

    Bush is gay for Chugarte! NTTAWWT.

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