Clareified

Where does the good go

TAVERN FOR NO GREEN

TAVERN FOR NO GREEN

New LLP planned a summer afternoon outing. I decided to go and score a free meal at Tavern on the Green (which I have inexplicably never been to) by signing up for the “Central Park scavenger hunt.”
The hunt started at 3:30.
Unfortunately, due to some police action on the west side subway line…I didn’t get to the meeting point until 4 p.m. (Ok, and there might have been a decision to stop at Krispy Kreme on the way. I then had to walk the whole avenue block where KK is supposed to be on 72nd street twice because I couldn’t find it. Finally, I noticed a plain white sheet of paper in the window of an empty storefront which said something like “Dude, Dawn, we closed this location like two weeks ago. Where have you been man?”)
Anyway, by the time I got to the starting point, I saw one of the scavenger hunt teams frantically trying to make a “creative” picture of them acting out a Beatles song in front of the ‘Imagine’ monument in Central Park. (i.e. everyone holding hands would signify ‘I wanna hold your hand’ or everyone lying on their stomachs with two rolls of paper on either sides of their mouths would be ‘I am the Walrus…’)
As I watched them scramble around in formation…I remembered “oh yeah…Scavenger Hunts suuuck!”
I ducked out of sight and walked into the woods. I found a bench under a tree and contemplated my options.
Dinner wasn’t until 7 p.m. It was humid and hot.
I should have just gone home. But no.
I finished the last pages in ‘A Widow For One Year’ (Dawn’s quick review: DNR (Does Not Recommend). Now, it was 4:20. And still unforgiveably hot.
I watched the strollers roll by me and noticed that not one of the babies matched the skin tone of the women pushing them.
Little cherubic pink babies were moved along by full-figured brown skinned women; while the darling Asian babies were accompanied by the Type-A middle-aged women who were jogging and using their cellphones as they took the babies out for their afternoon strolls.
I didn’t see any brown skinned babies. I guess they have their own parks.
It was 4:48 and now three pigeons were perched threateningly in the branches above my head.
Grrr.
I checked my Treo looking for movie times..nothing started before six.
I reread some portions of AWFOY.
Still sucked.
It was 5.
I decided to walk to Lincoln Center.
Twenty minutes later I was sitting, spoon deep in a caramel sundae at Haagan Daas.
Ahh…cool and creamy.
I wasted about 40 minutes there, taking the smallest bites possible under the glaring eyes of the ice cream shoppe proprietor.
After I left, I hit the Barnes & Noble on the corner.
Don’t even look at the Harry Potter books….you bought yours on Amazon using the Super Saver delivery method and now you will just have to wait the additional four days for it to come.
You made your bed, missy.
I could feel my credit card just being magnetically drawn to the cashier, so I decided to leave.
Anyway, it was 6:10 and I figured if I walked slowly enough I would get to Tavern just in time for dinner.
Sadly, even though, I dragged my feet and got lost, I still got there at 6:30.
Fortunately, it turns out the firm arranged for cocktails starting at 6!
Our long personal nightmare was over.
Of course, the best part of the story is that while we were having dinner at Tavern on the Green…we weren’t having dinner in Tavern on the Green.
The firm arranged for an outdoor buffet of hot dogs and hamburgers and some boiled corn.
Mmm mmm.
Kill me.

2 Responses to “TAVERN FOR NO GREEN”

  1. Karol Says:

    Hahahahah. Awesome.

  2. Jake Says:

    Nothing goes slower than a watched Treo.

Leave a Reply