I have long avoided the clever â€œAbout Meâ€ summary many bloggers permanently affix to their templates. If Iâ€™m being honest, itâ€™s mostly because I have been too lazy to put together anything so comprehensive as to merit elevation to the ranks of Hopey and East Coco Beach — that is to say, among the very staple of Clareifiedâ€™s Mount Rushmore: The Blog Banner.
But, if Iâ€™m less than honest, which I generally am, it is because I am just narcissistic enough to believe myself too complicated for such summary. â€œNo one, not even I, knows the real me.â€
I AM AN ENIGMA. (True story: the first time someone called me that, I thought they said â€œenema.â€ I was fixing to fight.)
But thatâ€™s me, not Dawn.
Dawn Summers is an open bookâ€¦erâ€¦blog:
To plagiarize a little Tom Petty:
She’s a good girl, loves her mama
Loves Jesus, and America too
She’s a good girl, crazy ’bout Aiken
Hates horses, and her best friend too
And, well, gosh, since Iâ€™ve been Dawn Summers in some form or another going on three years now, I thought Iâ€™d explain how it all started.
Now, Iâ€™m talking about a time before Annika was a muvian, back when candace blogged from oblivion (instead of disappearing into it), even before I even really knew what a blog was. Hard to imagine, but I only knew one person who blogged. And she was decidedly undercover. I would read â€œKasheiâ€ only on the occasions when I was cornered during a phone conversation with the â€œdid you read my blogâ€ question.
â€œUmmâ€¦yeahâ€¦whatâ€™s a blog again? â€œ
After a few months, I would stumble by whenever I got bored surfing whatever it is I used to surf before blogs â€“ probably deja news, cnn, buffy sites, etc. (â€œBefore blogs.â€ Shudder.)
One day, I came across some drivel kashei had written about affirmative action being racist.
Iâ€™ll racist you, I thought, as I hammered out my first comment.
In the name field I had written Buffy Summers.
â€œNah, sheâ€™ll know thatâ€™s me.â€
I changed it to Willow Rosenberg.
Too Jewish to be me.
Sheâ€™ll know thatâ€™s me too.
Then it was settled: Dawn Summers.
More me than Willow, less me than Buffy.
I clicked post.
I was in the midst of a huge document review in a windowless conference room at Old LLP, so spent most of my working day away from a computer, but I was anxious to see what the crazies at Spot On would say about my comment.
So a little after lunch I checked back in to Karolâ€™s blog.
Lo and behold there was a message â€“ to me.
It read, in relevant part, â€œI would like to welcome my best friend â€œDawn Summersâ€ to my blog. She is a wacky liberal and I imagine that weâ€™ll be seeing more comments from her in the future that we can laugh at. Bush/Cheney â€˜04â€
Evidently, although Dawn Summers was not as much me as Buffy, my syntax and writing tone were unmistakeably mine.
I had been identified and outed in one fell swoop.
Although I commented with other monikers every now and then, my very public baptism as Dawn Summers stuck.
I suppose if I had known that my disguise would fail, I might have chosen a nom de plume slightly more sophisticated or, at least I would have picked a television character that doesnâ€™t make me cringe to think of her.
Truthfully though, I rarely think of Michelleâ€™s irritating screech when I see or hear the name.
Dawn Summers is (mostly) all me now, if not her own personage altogether.
I am often still startled when someone mentions something to me in real life that I have posted on this page.
â€œHow did he know that?â€
I am baffled when I get sympathy for Dawnâ€™s failings and bad days.
â€œHuh? What? Ohhhhâ€¦rightâ€¦no, Iâ€™m fine. Thanks.â€
Itâ€™s a little like Fight Club. Rule #1.
A co-worker sent me an e-mail the other day about people with blogs getting fired and I very casually replied â€œgood thing I donâ€™t have a blog.â€
And I donâ€™t.
Dawn does, which works out, since goodness knows what I would ever write about.
I am, after all, an enigma.