Clareified

Where does the good go

A Prayer for Dawn Summers

I have long avoided the clever “About Me” summary many bloggers permanently affix to their templates. If I’m being honest, it’s mostly because I have been too lazy to put together anything so comprehensive as to merit elevation to the ranks of Hopey and East Coco Beach — that is to say, among the very staple of Clareified’s Mount Rushmore: The Blog Banner.
But, if I’m less than honest, which I generally am, it is because I am just narcissistic enough to believe myself too complicated for such summary. “No one, not even I, knows the real me.”
I AM AN ENIGMA. (True story: the first time someone called me that, I thought they said “enema.” I was fixing to fight.)
But that’s me, not Dawn.
Dawn Summers is an open book…er…blog:

To plagiarize a little Tom Petty:

She’s a good girl, loves her mama
Loves Jesus, and America too
She’s a good girl, crazy ’bout Aiken
Hates horses, and her best friend too

And, well, gosh, since I’ve been Dawn Summers in some form or another going on three years now, I thought I’d explain how it all started.

Now, I’m talking about a time before Annika was a muvian, back when candace blogged from oblivion (instead of disappearing into it), even before I even really knew what a blog was. Hard to imagine, but I only knew one person who blogged. And she was decidedly undercover. I would read “Kashei” only on the occasions when I was cornered during a phone conversation with the “did you read my blog” question.
“Umm…yeah…what’s a blog again? “
After a few months, I would stumble by whenever I got bored surfing whatever it is I used to surf before blogs – probably deja news, cnn, buffy sites, etc. (“Before blogs.” Shudder.)
One day, I came across some drivel kashei had written about affirmative action being racist.
Grr.
I’ll racist you, I thought, as I hammered out my first comment.
In the name field I had written Buffy Summers.
“Nah, she’ll know that’s me.”
I changed it to Willow Rosenberg.
Too Jewish to be me.
Xena?
She’ll know that’s me too.
Then it was settled: Dawn Summers.
More me than Willow, less me than Buffy.
I clicked post.
I was in the midst of a huge document review in a windowless conference room at Old LLP, so spent most of my working day away from a computer, but I was anxious to see what the crazies at Spot On would say about my comment.
So a little after lunch I checked back in to Karol’s blog.
Lo and behold there was a message – to me.
It read, in relevant part, “I would like to welcome my best friend “Dawn Summers” to my blog. She is a wacky liberal and I imagine that we’ll be seeing more comments from her in the future that we can laugh at. Bush/Cheney ‘04”
Evidently, although Dawn Summers was not as much me as Buffy, my syntax and writing tone were unmistakeably mine.
I had been identified and outed in one fell swoop.
Although I commented with other monikers every now and then, my very public baptism as Dawn Summers stuck.
I suppose if I had known that my disguise would fail, I might have chosen a nom de plume slightly more sophisticated or, at least I would have picked a television character that doesn’t make me cringe to think of her.
Truthfully though, I rarely think of Michelle’s irritating screech when I see or hear the name.
Dawn Summers is (mostly) all me now, if not her own personage altogether.
I am often still startled when someone mentions something to me in real life that I have posted on this page.
“How did he know that?”
I am baffled when I get sympathy for Dawn’s failings and bad days.
“Huh? What? Ohhhh…right…no, I’m fine. Thanks.”
It’s a little like Fight Club. Rule #1.
A co-worker sent me an e-mail the other day about people with blogs getting fired and I very casually replied “good thing I don’t have a blog.”
And I don’t.
Dawn does, which works out, since goodness knows what I would ever write about.
I am, after all, an enigma.

11 Responses to “A Prayer for Dawn Summers”

  1. Jake Says:

    I am so disappointed to learn that Dawn Summers is not your real name.

    With a name like Dawn Summers, I was sure you had a night club act at night where you were singing, dancing and joking your way into the hearts of America.

    During the day, you were a lawyer tracking the money trail of terrorist cells that were hidden in the bowels of NYC. You carried a Glock 19 and had to take a different route back home every night.

    Enigmas are much more fun. Please remain an enigma for your loyal readers.

  2. Dawn Summers Says:

    No way. Ritter died 9/11/03 — I was commenting way before then. That was one month after my “suitably alarmed” guest blogging stint and a month before I started this blog. It was Dawn Summers, trust me. Of course, everyone should take note of how wrong karol was on this score when reading her previous comments. (And future comments)

  3. Dawn Summers Says:

    And who hates Hopey?

  4. Karol Says:

    What’s wrong with your comment section? Your response to my comments appears before my original comment.

    I have a feeling Jake is in for some serious disappointment when he finally meets Dawn.

  5. Karol Says:

    You are the least complicated person alive, much less an enigma (and, by the way, you once wrote me ‘you’re an enigma’ and then added ‘look it up’ in parentheses). You like money, shiny things (especially when other people don’t have said things), songs you can instantly memorize and sing along to and…. did I already mention money? You also like to laugh a lot which is convenient since you probably couldn’t stop if you tried. Oh, and lately you like poker. But really, that’s the first new interest in years.

  6. Karol Says:

    Oh, two more things:

    1. Lose the Hopey already. We hate Hopey.

    2. I believe your first comment was as ‘Stella Ritter’, John Ritter’s daughter who fascinated you because her birthday (and the day her dad died) was 9/11. Sicko.

  7. DRobbSki Says:

    wait! you’re not jewish?
    well $hit…there goes my WHOLE image of you.

    Marvin is, tho, right?

  8. Shawn Says:

    “No one, not even I, knows the real me.”

    I used to feel the same way. Then, when I was startled by my own reflection in the bathroom mirror, I decided, “Maybe I’d better get to know the Real Me.” 😉

  9. Petitedov Says:

    I think most people don’t who they are. I sure hell don’t know who i am. Glad i get to read Dawn and meet you as well. Great post.

  10. Hi there Says:

    Are you there?

    Beautiful

  11. Clareified » Blog Archive » Placeholder Says:

    […] Someday I’ll write something original. Especially since I’ve moved out of the ECB. And we think Dawn needs a middle name. […]

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