Clareified

Where does the good go

Slip Slidin’ Away

Slip Slidin’ Away
Something or someone or nothing and everything is pulling me away from New York.
I can’t imagine why.
There’s only one place that I have visited and left before that desperate need to be home practically overwhelmed me and really I can’t imagine a sober professional life in New Orleans, so moving there is out of the question.
I did some joke searches last week about free land grants in the Midwest. And wouldn’t you know, the very next day, Matt Lauer had a Today Show segment on it:
“Free land? Yes. The catch? You’ve got to move to Kansas,” was the tagline.
But more and more, I’m starting to think that’s not so much a catch as a lure. (I don’t fish, are those the same things?)
Kansas, prairies, long drives with the ipod, I am so there.
Even the prospect of taking the California bar doesn’t seem so daunting.
I had dinner recently with a college friend who moved out to Texas for two years and I listened jealously as she talked about her house and friends and bridge games.
(Well, not so much with the bridge — but I’m guessing I could teach Dallas how to play Hold ‘Em.)
Someone would say: “Hey, whatever happened to Dawn Summers?”
“Oh, haven’t you heard? She’s Mayor of Carson City now,” would be the reply.
But what happens the first time I’m out on the range and wolves attack?
Or rednecks.
Maybe, I’ll just retire to Florida early.

29 Responses to “Slip Slidin’ Away”

  1. Karol Says:

    Where are you going to go? You’re not going anywhere. NYC is too hard to leave.

  2. Dawn Summers Says:

    Sigh.

  3. asphnxma Says:

    No it isn’t. NYC is very easy to leave, once you realize that it isn’t the center of the universe the way most New Yorkers think it is.

    And before you say “but you came back!”, understand that I will be leaving. I have a timetable.

  4. Dawn Summers Says:

    But you came back!

  5. Jake Says:

    Two words:

    Madison, Wisconsin

  6. cube Says:

    or get down and dirty with the 3 six mafia in memphis TN.

    the surbrubs are great, but the city ranks low on many indicators

  7. Gib Says:

    The rednecks would shoot the wolves. Then you’d just have to deal with the rednecks, and they can be placated with beer and country music. (Note – not all country music is created equal. Toby Keith can placate rednecks, Shania Twain, not so much.) Barbecue also helps.

  8. Karol Says:

    Asphnxma, there isn’t a New Yorker out there that doesn’t have a ‘timetable’.

  9. PAUL Says:

    I can’t believe i’m the first to point this out.

    Dawn Dear,
    The game is called TEXAS hold’em. I bet they all ready know how to play in Dallas :)

  10. Rick Says:

    One word about Florida: Sharks.

  11. pearatty Says:

    I hear that California callin’ you babe.

  12. Dawn Summers Says:

    paul, i have been WAITING for someone to comment that. you win the prize.

  13. Dawn Summers Says:

    peartty,

    california called just that once, left a message on my cellphone and then snubbed me because i didn’t call back for two weeks.

    i think california hates me now.

  14. pearatty Says:

    No, no, California is filing a reply to a summary judgment motion this week; California is still quite fond of you.

  15. ugarte Says:

    Did the timetable include 15/30, Nix?

  16. asphnxma Says:

    No.

    This “everyone has a timetable” baloney is just that, btw. Mark my words – Spring 2007, I am back to Cal-i-for-ni-a.

  17. Dawn Summers Says:

    ouch. gauntlet, thrown.

  18. pearatty Says:

    Asphnxma is sooo cool. Don’t you wish you were more like asphnxma, Dawn?

  19. Jason Says:

    If you ever want to tour Kansas, I’ll give you a place to stay. Heck, bring some friends. I’ve got plenty of extra beds.

    Watch out if you go to Ellsworth county. Their police love to write speeding tickets!

    The good thing about the sunflower state is the housing costs. You can build a mansion out here for the price of a tiny studio apartment in the city.

  20. Dawn Summers Says:

    pearatty, you have no idea how many times i wake up in the middle of the night thinking, dammit Dawn, why can’t you be more like asphnxma? Then I cry myself back to sleep.

  21. asphnxma Says:

    You want to be a white male?

  22. pearatty Says:

    Who doesn’t? You guys have all the good stuff.

  23. Rick Blaine Says:

    It’s true.

    BTW, Dawn, we did our home inspection today, and it turns out that, in addition to the guest room, which you are welcome to stay in, or the downstairs den, where we can puff up the Aerobed, there is a litle “shack” out back with TV, electric and phone that you can live in. Or, you can stay in our second garage, which is past the shack.

    Or, you could buy an apartment in NYC which would be smaller than our second garage (which is 900 square feet).

    There are two beautiful houses in our new neighborhood for sale.

  24. pearatty Says:

    Hmm, Rick, how much are they going for? And would you mind if Mr. Pearatty parked his ugly 1960′s camper van on the street?

  25. dawn Says:

    rick, you can’t see it, but I got a couple fingers for ya.

  26. asphnxma Says:

    Boy Scout salute? How sweet.

  27. Dawn Summers Says:

    Nah, I just wanted to date strippers.

  28. asphnxma Says:

    I don’t know too many black irish catholic male strippers.

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