Clareified

Where does the good go

OSCAR 2005 IS…

OSCAR 2005 IS…

Chris Rock is funny as hell.

Morgan Freeman is grace personified.

Halle Berry is the woman.

Robin Williams is crazy in a good way.

Drew Barrymore is in desperate need of a new stylist.

Beyonce is smoking hot.

Cate Blanchett is long overdue.

Adam Sandler is officially fat.

Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz is Hollywood’s next ‘It Couple.’

Jake Gyllenhall is not attractive bald.

Antonio Banderas is…a singer?

Prince is a sexy mother– shut yo mouth.

Natalie Portman is in need of a dress that fits.

Samuel L. Jackson is getting old.

Charlie Kaufman is adorable.

Sean Penn is crazy in a bad way.

Hilary Swank is annoying.

Annette Bening is pissed the hell off.

Chad Lowe is glad for the chance to be seen again.

Oprah is amazing.

Jamie Foxx is endearing.

Clint Eastwood is the man.

Martin Scorsese is going to kill himself.

Julia Roberts is so yesterday.

Clint Eastwood’s mom is…well…alive. DYYYAAAMMMM.

*****UPDATE*****: Candace has gone elementary school teacher on my ass, and corrected this post to her liking. Let’s just say, there is a lot of red pen usage.

8 Responses to “OSCAR 2005 IS…”

  1. Petitedov Says:

    I though Scarlet Johanson’s hair was really, really, bad. And the whole fidgeting thing and fake laugh didn’t help. And i have to disagree about Oprah she irritates me so much. The jewels on Beyonce a tad overdone.

  2. ugarte Says:

    Chris Rock had to be paid extra to say some of the intro lines they gave him.
    Morgan Freeman … I can’t say anything negative about Morgan Freeman. He is too damn cool
    Halle Berry, shockingly, has credibility.
    Robin Williams should be killed in public.
    Drew Barrymore was auditioning for a role in The Melanie Griffith Story.
    Beyonce is a little boring.
    Cate Blanchett is everywhere.
    Adam Sandler’s presentation was, like an SNL skit, overlong and underfunny.
    Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz are apparently still learning English.
    Jake Gyllenhall is starting in American History X 2.
    Antonio Banderas is NOT a singer?
    Prince is still a little nutty … and should have been singing instead of Banderas.
    Natalie Portman was a better actress in Beautiful Girls in The Professional than she was in that scene from Closer.
    Samuel L. Jackson is … shut yo mouth.
    Charlie Kaufman looked much more like Nic Cage in Ad

  3. ugarte Says:

    I need editing privileges. Among others, there shouldn’t be a “?” at the end of Banderas. To continue.

    Charlie Kaufman looked much more like Nic Cage in Adaptation than I thought he would.
    Sean Penn didn’t go far enough.
    Hilary Swank is much classier than you are crediting her for.
    Annette Bening was in a movie that I didn’t see.
    Chad Lowe is unrecognizable. And invisible in his wife’s shadow.
    Oprah is down with Black Power!
    Jamie Foxx has a tat ON THE BACK OF HIS HEAD.
    Clint Eastwood is at a stage where everything he does is going to be treated with reverence. Which leads to …
    Martin Scorsese is going to kill someone.
    Julia Roberts is so yesterday. Until tomorrow.
    Clint Eastwood’s mom is…well…alive. DYYYAAAMMMM

  4. Alceste Says:

    I liked Chris Rock. General reaction from the older folk appears to be quite negative though. Oscars overall were probably the worst I have ever seen. Shot selection was bad, sets were put up way too slowly, random mics soundled like they were on, graphics were horrible, and the presentations in the aisles were tacky.

  5. Dawn Summers Says:

    Not tackier than having all the nominees on stage and then picking one winner. Hello? Oscars? Yes, this is American Idol, we want our format back.

  6. Jake Says:

    Drew Barrymore showed off her new face after some extensive plastic surgery.

    I like her new look. What do you think of her new face?

  7. J. Roam Says:

    “Chris Rock is funny as hell.”

    I must concur in judgement, but for a different reason. Chris proved that Hollywood, for all its creativity and long history of humor, still is not ready to laugh at itself, much less when a brother is telling the joke. Nicole Kidman winning an Emmy when HAlle took the Oscar? An old man named Arnold from “Happy Days” once said, “Bwa-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah.” Who the hell is Jude Law and why is he in every movie I see? Bwa-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah. Support for six Police Academy movies but not one for “The Passion”? Bwa-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah.

    And don’t even get me started on Soul Plane. . .

  8. J. Roam Says:

    Oh yeah,

    I’ve also decided that I when I retire I will be Morgan Freeman.

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