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WORST WEDDING TOAST. EVER.

WORST WEDDING TOAST. EVER.

A toast to Sally,* the bride and her groom Matt*, by her cousin Jessica Darla**:

“When we were little, I always thought Sally had it all. She was smart, beautiful and loads of fun. But then I grew up and realized I was wrong. Sally needed a boyfriend. As I was preparing for my own wedding, I told this to my husband and we decided that since he had a friend that needed a girlfriend, we would set him up with Sally who needed a boyfriend. A couple of days before the wedding, I told Sally about my plan and she told me: ‘Jess Darla, I have a boyfriend.’ That’s when we found out about Matt. So, today I want to toast Sally and Matt for finally making her complete and I want to welcome him as my cousin-in-law.”

Dude. It would be one thing, if Sally was marrying the friend who needed a girlfriend, then it would be a cute “we set them up” story…but no. Just your regular, run-of-the-mill, thank God my cousin’s not going to die a spinster story.

*Names changed to protect the innocent.
**Names of the guilty are unknown and so are made up.

This entry was posted by Dawn Summers on Monday, October 18th, 2004 at 2:04 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

6 Responses to “WORST WEDDING TOAST. EVER.”

  1. Jessica Says:
    October 18th, 2004 at 7:57 pm

    HEEEYYYY! why’d you have to the crappy speech writer my name?!?!?

  2. Dawn Summers Says:
    October 18th, 2004 at 8:00 pm

    Oh, umm…my bad. Ran out of girls names…

  3. Esther Says:
    October 18th, 2004 at 8:28 pm

    Clearly, this person (who I hope is no relative or friend of yours) is an idiot. Makes me want to run away, but there are stupid people everywhere.

    Signed,
    The incomplete halfling that is Esther

  4. ken Says:
    October 18th, 2004 at 10:18 pm

    You had me at “yo bitch, you ain’t nothing without a man and all your cousins are gonna laugh at you, so you might as well settle for me.”

    So romantic

  5. PAUL Says:
    October 19th, 2004 at 8:53 am

    That was hillarious.

  6. Sunny James Says:
    February 18th, 2008 at 7:02 pm

    I have entertianed at hundreds of weddings and believe me when I say there is nothing more embarrassing than someone unprepared getting up to give a wedding toast. They stumble around for the right words to say and you just plain feel sorry for them. Well it doesn’t have to be that way.
    For how to write a wedding toasts & tips on how to give a toast there is a lot of help out there on the web. If you are the Bestman giving a Bestman toast then here is a great resource.
    http://www.sunnyjames.com/weddingtoast.html

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