Clareified

LUCK OF THE IRISH
 
God speed to all the bar exam takers out there.
 
 

SEND JOHN KERRY (AND EDWARDS)
 
Bill Clinton’s speech last night was amazing. It has been so long since I’ve listened to a political speech without cringing. Funniest line of the night — well, actually there were two:

“For the first time ever when America was on a war footing, there were two huge tax cuts, nearly half of which went to the top one percent. I’m in that group now for the first time in my life.When I was in office, the Republicans were pretty mean to me. When I left and made money, I became part of the most important group in the world to them. At first I thought I should send them a thank you note — until I realized they were sending you the bill.”

AND

“Everybody talks about John Edwards’ energy, intellect, and charisma…actually, I’m a bit resentful.”

But of course, he hit a homer when it came to distinguishing the difference between the two parties:
In this year’s budget, the White House wants to cut off federal funding for 88,000 uniformed police, including more than 700 on the New York City police force who put their lives on the line on 9/11. As gang violence is rising and we look for terrorists in our midst, Congress and the President are also about to allow the ten-year-old ban on assault weapons to expire. Our crime policy was to put more police on the streets and take assault weapons off the streets. It brought eight years of declining crime and violence. Their policy is the reverse, they’re taking police off the streets and putting assault weapons back on the streets. If you agree with their choices, vote to continue them. If not, join John Kerry, John Edwards and the Democrats in making America safer, smarter, and stronger.

UP HILL IN THE SNOW…BOTH WAYS
 
My upstairs neighbor had an emergency on Saturday, so my mom and I suddenly found ourselves the unprepared caretakers of a six-year-old kid.
I figured since I wasn’t the one who opened the door and agreed to accept such a responsibility, I could hole up in my room watching old Sopranos episodes until the danger had passed. Not so.
After a conversation that I imagine went something like:
“Do you have any kids here?”
“Yes, I have a daughter. Her room is back there. Go bother her.”
I was greeted by a three foot tall shadow looming over my bed.
“Hi.”
“Hey.”
“What are you doing?”
“Watching TV.” (Well, actually looking for the remote, because I’ve seen this episode before and it does not end well for Ralphie. In fact, it ends so badly for Ralphie, I am fairly certain there are laws against a six-year-old viewing it.)
Whew. I hit stop just in time (Tony had that look in his eye.) 
Turning on more age appropriate programming (who knew Lilo and Stitch got their own show?) I enjoyed a few moments of silence until:
“What’s this?”
She was holding my Billy Joel tape between her fingers.
“A tape.”
“What does it do?”
“It plays music. You put it in a radio or a walkman”
“What’s a Walk Man?”
“Umm…that thing right there.”
She puts the tape on the floor and walks over to my desk. Holding the walkman, she says
“I don’t hear anything.”
I put the tape in and played it for her.
“Why don’t you just get a CD player?”
“Well, there wasn’t always CDs, tapes came first. Like Videos and DVDs.”
“They still have videos on TV.”
“No, not like a music video — like this, a video” (I’ve grapped Apollo 13 off the top of my bookshelf.)
“You put it in here and it plays a movie. See?”
“Oh, like a DVD.”
“Yes, just older.”
“Like you?”
Yes. Thank you very much. I hope they still have bullies in the cafeteria.
We were watching a little Apollo 13, when: 
“Where are your toys?”
“I don’t have toys.”
“What do you play with?”
“I don’t play.” 
 ”You’re boring.”
Great. Somebody get this kid a paper route.

BURYING THE LEDE

Bush tells African-American audience to stop gagging and swallow.

Do you remember a guy named Charlie Gaines? Somebody gave me a quote he said, which I think kind of describes the environment we’re in today. I think he’s a friend of Jesse’s. He said, “Blacks are gagging on the donkey but not yet ready to swallow the elephant.” (Laughter and applause.)

AMERICAN IDOL HAS POP ROOTS
 
Fantasia Barrino’s dad plans to start a record label with the help of … K-Ci and JoJo, his nephews. Guess that’s what happened to them.
 

YOU’VE HEARD OF ‘KICKIN ASS?’
 
Welcome to “getting ass kicked”

YAHOO STRUGGLES TO FIND PICTURES OF BUSH WITH ‘BLACKS’

So far so good…

But suddenly, something goes terribly, terribly wrong…

Umm…well, I guess that counts…

See story here.

HELP PREVENT ANOTHER COLUMBINE

SIGN THE PETITION

MORE ON AIR TERROR

Looks like the real problem passengers weren’t the “Suspicious Syrians” at all.

Thanks for the tip.

BYE BYE BYE  

  
 

NSYNC HAS BROKEN UP.