Where does the good go

Pity Without Television

Pity Without Television

Day three of the grand experiment.

What the hell was I thinking? I went away to a private Villa in Negril, Jamaica for two weeks to celebrate the faux new millenium (i.e. year 2000) and I made sure we had cable television which I watched for a couple of hours each day, including the night of New Year’s Eve. Why on earth did I think I could do without it whilst chillin in the E.C.B.?
(Although in the spirit of full disclosure I am currently 3000 miles away from the E.C.B. in San Francisco of all places…)

The most notable change is that I am constantly thinking. Miles a minute, deep important thoughts, for instance:

If I focus really hard on something else, I don’t need to breathe. After going a full six minutes, I realized I could train a personal army of non-breathing soldiers to take over the world in the event of the big ice cap melt flood.

Also, I solved the whole Palestinian/Israeli conflict. Really, it’s just a matter of shuffling some things, but if say you gave the Palestinians, Haiti — moved the Haitians to Kenya and relocated the Kenyans to France, I think we’d see peace in the middle east in a matter of days.

I am paying per blog minute, so you’ll have to stay tuned for my other key revelations. I am headed back up to my hotel room so I can stare out my brick wall facing window and not look at the television.

P.S. If anyone has any useful bear-evasion techniques, I’d love to hear them before I head out for a weekend of camping and hiking in Yosemite. No whistle or bell suggestions please.

9 Responses to “Pity Without Television”

  1. Gib Says:

    Except for the fact that the Kenyans don’t deserve to have to live with the French, I’d say your Mideast plan would work.

    There’s a lot of open space in Canada. Since the climate adjustment could be harsh if they had to move to northern stretches, how about moving Kenya to Quebec, and relocating the Quebecers further North. (If you think I’m picking on the French – we could just do the same thing with Manitoba. How many people even live in Manitoba to be inconvenienced?)

  2. Karol Says:

    Guy, turn on the tv. Why are you so dramatic?

  3. Alceste Says:

    aside from hanging up the food outside (and no food or anything smelly in the tent), i’ve got nothing re: the bears – good luck!

  4. Rick Says:

    If a bear attacks, you hit him in the nose.

    Or is that a shark?


  5. dawn Says:

    You’d love that wouldn’t you, Karol? Then you’d be all “those Democrats always say one thing and then do another.” No siree Bob, I’m not giving you the satisfaction.

  6. Gib Says:

    Drat! She’s on to us! If we can only get her to watch “For Love or Money”, than the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy will have triumphed!

  7. cube Says:

    Acutually, i can’t claim this one.

    I wish i could though, the other non-contributer to my blog came up with this idea.

    Get some aerosol hair spray, aerosol deordant,aerosol lysol, or any thing like that.

    And a lighter.

    Light the spray on fire.

    I have never used it, but i bet bears are afraid of fire.

    also, ff they attack, go for head, and eyes. They do have a bear mace, but i bet regualr mace would work.

    Secondly, if they are on the path and you are on the path get off( they are using the path because it is easier than woods).

    Also, get some moleskin from walmart, in the foot care area (think dr. shols).
    For hot spots before they turn into blisters.

    One side is sticky, it has some padding, and the otherside allows things to slip over it easliy. Cut to fit over you blister (i normally cover with duck tape, to keep in place).

    good luck and stay safe.

  8. pearatty Says:

    Wouldn’t it be simpler to skip a step and send the Haitians directly to France? After all, they already speak French. Also, I believe that you run downhill in the event of bear attack.

  9. Dawn Summers Says:

    Moving the Haitians to France would be too obvious…

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