Clareified

Romney’s Folly

Gov. Mitt Romney has threatened to imprison county clerks who don’t enforce 91-year-old anti interracial marriage law.

NO GAYS NEED APPLY

Men who *admit* to having sex with other men will not be able to donate sperm.

GOOD HABITS ARE HARD TO START

I read somewhere that it takes 21 days to start a habit. Good or bad. (Now that I think about it, it was probably Dr. Phil or Bob Greene or some other former Oprah guru.) So about six months ago I set out to start a habit of going to the gym.
21 days in a row!
3 weeks.
Karol had convinced me to buy a “work out booklet” with free passes to like 400 different gyms in the city, so I thought I could use one a day for 21 days and that would do it.
That didn’t quite work out. (Get it? “work out” ha ha)
Although, since the passes expired at the end of the year, the final week of December involved me going to two or three gyms a day, just to hand in the pass, so it would, at least, look like I used the freaking booklet. Between that and my medical spending spree, I had to have burned a hella lot of calories though.
So every month since then I have made the same attempt. In February I even managed four days in a row!
But alas, no habit.
In April, I started on the 29th.
May 1st, my streak was going strong.
May 8th…by golly I’m doing, I’m doing it!!
Then, May 9th.
However, that night I came home with a terrible cough and a low-grade fever. I downed some Nyquil and hit the sack.
At four in the morning, I woke up choking and unable to breath. I drank some Dimetapp (having successfully overcome my childhood addiction to the grape flavored goodness that led me to feign coughing everytime I wanted something sweet.)
The coughing wouldn’t stop, I looked at the clock and it was 5 a.m.
Knowing I wouldn’t get back to sleep, I put on my sweats and sneaks and headed to the gym!
(Take that stupid hacking cough that tried to kill me.)
I was at 12 days — sick as a dog, but more than half-way to a gym-going-to habit.
On day 17, I felt a tightness in my right leg. I was limping, but I ignored it. Well, until I was running to catch the Q train home and heard something snap in my right leg.
Hmm..that can’t be good… I tried to stand on the leg…”holy mother of…”
“OK, definitely, not good.”
I hopped out of the subway station (using the railing on the stairs to pull myself up). I hopped home and fell onto my bed.
“Look leg, I appreciate that something in there snapped and you’re not very happy right now, but I am four days away from a gym-going-to habit, so you’re going to have to be better by tomorrow.”
I went to sleep with an ice pack bandaged to the back of my leg and by morning I could stand on it again. Unfortunately, “straight” was the leg’s full range of motion.
I dragged the leg around all day at work and around lunchtime, I decided I would only do arm exercises. I went to get my sweats and realized I left my gym bag at home.
“Ok, let’s recap: I have a painful, non-moving leg, my fingers are inexplicably swollen, I still have a terrible cough and sore throat (Funny story, I decided to look up my symptoms on the medical websites, just to make sure I didn’t have anything terribly serious and was informed that I was in the third trimester of pregnancy. Mental note: do not rely on the internet for medical diagnoses. Although, that would also explain my weight…) and now, I have forgotten my gym clothes. Obviously, God is trying to tell me something.”
But then I wondered…what if it’s not God at all…what if…
So instead of going to the gym at lunch, I went shopping for a T-shirt and sweatpants. I elevated the leg until the late evening when I headed to the gym.
I stepped on the elliptical machine very slowly, starting with the left leg. Then I lifted the right leg on…I moved the pedals forward at a snail’s speed. Lo and behold, it didn’t hurt. I moved faster and still the leg was fine! I started to sprint and a searing pain shot up my thigh, so I slowed back down a notch, but for the most part the work-out was fine and now I was up to 18.
On day 20 I got a work assignment at 6:45 p.m., by the time the bossman finished explaining it, the time was 7:15 and I had about 2 and a half hours before the gym floor closed and I was 1/2 an hour away. I waited until he left and then sprinted for the subway.
Yesterday I finished day 21!
Woo hoo!
Now, I’ve just got to go see a doctor about my leg…

PROMISES, PROMISES

I think I may have passively agreed not to watch the ‘Angel’ series finale until Saturday.
My friend is hosting a barbecue and has invited the whole old law school ‘Buffy watching council,’ over for good eats and goodbye. I love the Buffy watching council — our law school graduation was (very rudely) on a Tuesday night in May (gosh, was that four freaking years ago????)
Anyway, after the party, was the after party in an East Harlem apartment at 2 or 3 in the morning where we all gathered to watch the Season finales of Buffy and Angel. The picture of us sitting, pre-dawn, around the television glow, some still in graduation garb, ranks as one of my favorites.
So, of course, I’ll be there Saturday afternoon to say goodbye to the big galut with a soul and “brass testes” with the old gang.
But, as that sentence reveals…it’ll be the second time I do so.
C’mon, all the way to Saturday??? When it’s already recorded and waiting for me on the TIVO? Nobody could really hold me to that right?
Right?
Ok, nevermind. Just kidding. I didn’t see nothing. Man, I wonder how it ends. Since I didn’t see it, I will refer those of you looking for great commentary on the end to this groovy chick.
My guess is when I see the episode on Saturday, this will be my reaction.
I also love this post on why Joss Whedon sucks.
I mean, does he have to be so good all the time?

Actually, Karol…now, watch my head explode

I have actively stopped reading stories about John Kerry because they always contain something like this:

Asked if they must agree with his abortion-rights views, he quickly added, “I will not appoint somebody with a 5-4 Court who’s about to undo Roe v. Wade. I’ve said that before.”

Asked if he regretted that vote, Kerry said, “Yes. Given what he has done on a number of cases.” Kerry said he didn’t see at the time “such a level of ideology and partisanship” he now sees in Scalia.

(Kerry says: “If you’re looking for me to admit that I made a mistake in my years in the Senate, there you go - there’s one,” said the four-term Massachusetts senator. Except he also voted against Souter, for the Patriot Act, for the Iraq war, for No Child left behind …oh, did the reporter only ask for one?)

or this:

Calling himself a strict constructionist, a phrase Bush has used to describe himself, Kerry paraphrased former Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart and said: “A good justice is somebody that when you read their decisions you can’t tell if they are Republican or Democratic or liberal or conservative, a Christian or a Jew, a Muslim, male or female. You just know you’re reading a good judicial opinion.”

Kerry’s a strict constructionist who supports Roe v. Wade? What now? As Inigo Montoya would say “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

or…yes, this:

“It will not be like Vietnam,” Kerry said. “I will get our troops home from Iraq with honor and with the interests of our country properly protected.”

How soon? “It will not take long to do what is necessary. I’m not going to give you a specific date, but I’ll tell you that I have a plan and I will put that plan in place.”

See here …I have a plan see…and when I implement my plan oh it’s gonna blow all the other plans right out of the water.

Kucinich ‘04

WHEN SHE’S ON, SHE’S ON

Maureen Dowd is writing a book, Bushworld.

Here’s a preview.

Money line: “In Bushworld, we went to war to give Iraq a democratic process, yet we disdain the democratic process that causes allies to pull out troops.”

Hello, Ohio

What’s there to do in Columbus on a Wednesday night?

PERFECT

Who’s picking their fantasy players from the 2001 magazines now?

On a related note, if you are up to bat in the ninth facing a pitcher that almost has a perfect game, do you really try to hit him? I mean, unless you’re going for some record yourself for consecutive hits in a game, isn’t it rude to ruin this guy’s game?

Also, what’s the difference between a no-hitter and a perfect game?

BLAME DAVID KELLEY

Lawyer Lunges At Opposing Counsel, During Deposition.

Police issue arrest warrant.

Analogize This

Yesterday an Iraqi cleric ordered all military forces out of the holy city of Najaf.
Observers have commented that Najaf is a Muslim equivalent of the Vatican, so that it’s blasphemous having non-believers trapsing around the city killing people.
Fair point, I suppose, but the reality is a militia force has occupied the city for the purpose of launching a military attack and taking over the country.
Indeed, if the Vatican army were to take up arms with an aim to invade Italy, I would expect that the Pope, cardinals, bishops and nuns would physically stand in the line of fire protecting the innocent citizens of Rome until the renegade army surrendered.
Otherwise, I would expect NATO forces to summarily put them down like dogs.
A holy city is only as sacred as people treat it.