Where does the good go


Watching ABC’s “Be My Baby” special on “open adoptions” was an eye-opening experience. Having been a life-long pro-choicer, I am surprised to find that I am violently anti-open adoption.
You want to give your baby to a family that can’t have children of it’s own? Fantastic. Just go away, preferably to a “home for girls” in the mountains somewhere during the last weeks of your pregnancy. There, a stern nurse/midwife/nun will take the squawling newborn straight from the delivery room to a guy in a black hat waiting in a car outside. (I imagine this to be some kind of 1920s Oldsmobile, but that may be an affect from the movies.) Usually, it will be snowing.
Then when the new mother starts screaming that she wants to see her baby, the nurwifun will say “I’m sorry. The baby died.”
Cry, cry. Ship back home. End of story … (well, until the child turns out to need a transplant which requires the rare QB positive blood that only her birth mother shares.)
OK, so that may be a tad extreme, but anything has to be better than watching a 16-year-old bawling over the blanket-wrapped body of her sleeping son because she “has to give him back.” (Um, ‘back’? Don’t you mean ‘up’?)
Anyone else notice that the father was pulling all the strings?
“The abortion thing is not, just not an option… in this house.” or “I know she wanted me to change my mind, you know” he says to the camera just after a scene where his wife is crying in the hospital corridor and begging him to ‘say the word’ before the ‘stupid papers come.’ (Ohio has a 72-hour-mandatory waiting period before a birth mother can terminate her rights.)
The whole thing was barbaric in that wonderfully anteseptic, brilliantly edited way that networks televise so much barbarism these days.
That I came to hate the birth mother, her parents, the couples and even the baby (dude, it’s eyes were freaky.) is testament to how sickening the process is.
First they show the five couples, one of whom had a baby die, another can’t have kids, another can’t have anymore kids, another are elderly and thus, missed the kid having boat and another who wants a sibling for their handicap son.
The teenage girl then asks them questions like “I want to name the baby Liam” is that ok with you? (Yes, of course it is, why were just saying the other day that we wanted to name our baby Liam.) or what kind of role will I have in Liam’s life?
Then she goes through her problems with all of them. (Like in the Big Brother ‘Confessional’)
“They were like, just interested in the baby. They didn’t care about me.” HELLO!!! They aren’t looking for a teenage nutjob with bad judgment, they want a kid.
“And then he was like, well, you’ll be like the baby’s aunt or a big sister. I mean, that’s so dishonest” Huh? What you think you’ll be the baby’s mommy AFTER YOU GIVE IT UP FOR ADOPTION???????????????
Blood. Boiling. All over the place.
I guess it’s enough that she recognized she shouldn’t be raising a kid. (Interestingly, even with all the openness, there was no sight of the father…)
One of the couples who lose out on the main baby, are then handed a 2-year-old boy who has been unceromoniously dropped off at the adoption agency by his mother.
“Wow, we came here to adopt an infant, but now we’re leaving with…with a son.”
(Oddly enough, the camera shows the boy comfortably strapped in a car seat in their mini-van as they drive away. They just happened to have a car seat waiting? Creepy.)
The producers, of course, track down the mom who dropped off the boy and ask her the money question.
“How could you just give your son up to strangers that you’ve never met?” (As opposed to letting our cameras follow you for two weeks as you “play God” with five desperate couples, he added.)
How? Because that’s how adoptions should be done.
I can’t keep you, I will go to an agency that will find someone else to take care of you. Period.
Oh and here, keep this half-locket around your neck to remember me. Someday, I will come back and give you the other half and we’ll be together forever.


  1. Lisa Says:

    You crack me up!

  2. cube Says:

    Can anyone adopt a kid these days, because i would really like a slave….err…a person to help out around the house.

  3. pearatty Says:

    That’s just what I was thinking! I just long for the family life: “Baby, bring mama her drink now, don’t forget the ice . . ..” I wonder how old they have to be before they can tell the difference between the gin and the vodka?

  4. Dawn Summers Says:

    depends on how severely you reprimand them after they confuse the two the first time.

  5. pearatty Says:

    Right, of course. Spare the rod and spoil the child and all that. This parenting stuff, tricky.

  6. Dawn Summers Says:

    :) Mental note: don’t leave the kids to cube or pearatty in case of untimely death.

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