Clareified

Where does the good go

Archive for May, 2004

RANDOM THOUGHT #15,121

Friday, May 28th, 2004 by Dawn Summers

RANDOM THOUGHT #15,121

I flew back from Columbus last night in the middle of a thunderstorm. At one point, looked out my window and saw nothing but ominous gray/black clouds periodically interrupted by flashes of lightning.

The pilot and flight attendant told us not to worry because these kind of storms are typical in the area and that the storms move at about 50 MPH, so “they get out of the way pretty fast.” (Of course, doesn’t that also mean that they can get in the way pretty fast?)

But I got to thinking, Ohio is a battleground state and I bet Kerry is going to be flying there a lot. What if his plane crashes?

I think that the nomination goes to Al Gore with John Edwards as VP. I also think the next man that marries Theresa Heinz Kerry will drive everywhere.

OVERHEARD

Friday, May 28th, 2004 by Dawn Summers

OVERHEARD

I watched the local Ohio newscast while getting ready for work yesterday. In a segment on the alert about the “Terror Seven,” the reporter interviews the Columbus Chief of Police.

“Our department is definitely on high alert. We know that places like Cleveland and Columbus and Cincinatti are just as likely to be terror targets as New York or L.A.”

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Great way to start a morning.

The more things change…

Friday, May 28th, 2004 by Dawn Summers


The more things change…

Yesterday I was at a deposition in Ohio. As is usual, attorneys from most of the major law firms in the U.S. were there defending various defendants. However, what was most unusual was that all but one attorney was a woman. Furthermore, of the six women, three were ethnic minorities. Further yet, of the three minorities, two were African-American.
After almost four years of being mistaken for court reporters, secretaries and legal assistants while practicing law in NYC, it took a trip to the heartland to finally arrive!
Of course, after the dep was over the other two attorneys of color and I decided to use our five hours until take off, to cruise the city’s mall looking for a movie theater. In business suits and briefcases, we headed up one flight of escalators looking for a mall directory.
We located one right between a Godiva chocolatier and a diamond jewelry shop.
Although it didn’t have a movie theater (like all the teen angst movies about middle America suggest), the mall had hundreds of stores. We were charting out a game plan of stores we wanted to visit (on a side note, I am now developing a Hollywood treatment about fat people and skinny people trying to cruise a mall together. “Fatties to the left; Normies to the right.” Believe me, hijinks aplenty.)
After about twenty minutes, a rent-a-cop pokes his head around the directory:
“Canahhelpy’allfindsummin?”
“Excuse me?” I ask.
He fully steps out in front of us now, his left hand on his hip and his right hand cradling his walkie talkie.
“Are you all lost? Can I help ya find something?”
The other two women, shook their heads.
“Well, is there a movie theater here. In the movies, these malls always have a movie theater,” I pipe in.
“No, the closest one’s out bah the pike.”
“Oh, too bad”
“Well, let me know if I kin help y’all find something”
“Thanks, but we thought we’d check the handy directory board that we’re standing in front of, before we take you away from your busy rounds.”
Skipper’s grip on his walkie talkie tightened (I named him Skipper in my head after he said the word pike, don’t ask me why.) Slowly, he looked us up and down:
“Awright, y’all take care.”
He walked off, but glanced back at us once more before disappearing around the corridor.
The three of us stood there watching him go.
“So, did he think we were casing Godiva or the diamond store?”
The other two laughed.
“You know, I didn’t want to say anything because people always say I think things are too racial,” said the other African-American chick.
“No, that was definitely a DWB-type stop…”
“Well,” said the very rational Asian chick, “it could be that he wasn’t sure if we could read and understand the very large, brightly illustrated map we were standing in front of. I mean, really.”
Laughter.
All in all, not a bad trip.

DRAWBACK OF THE TREO

Friday, May 28th, 2004 by Dawn Summers

DRAWBACK OF THE TREO

In April New LLP got me a snazzy, fandangled Treo 600. He got one around the same time too.

In the vein of the old late night infomercials, this thing gets e-mails, surfs the web, takes digital photos, makes phone calls, is a palm pilot, slices and dices.
You can even play video games on it while pretending to listen to your friend blah blah blah about her life on the speakerphone.
I love it very, very much.
Of course, when you’re flying to Ohio on a twenty-seater-might-as-well-be-a-prop-plane, try explaining to the stewardess that the wireless connection is off and you’re just playing a riveting game of ZapIt.
“Is it a cellphone?”
“Well, yes, but I don’t…”
“If it’s a cellphone you need to put it away.”
“But, it’s also a videogame.”
“Is it a cellphone?”
“umm…no?”
“Put it away.”
Sigh.

DEAR FORCE MAJEURE,

Wednesday, May 26th, 2004 by Dawn Summers

DEAR FORCE MAJEURE,

Objects in mirror are closer than they appear!

My once lowly fantasy baseball team is now fourth!

BACK IN BLOG

Wednesday, May 26th, 2004 by Dawn Summers

BACK IN BLOG

Spyware sucks. I will vote for any candidate, of any party, in any jurisdiction in which I am allowed to vote, that puts forth legislation that mandates a sentence of 20 years to life for anyone who causes spyware to be distributed, downloaded or in any way cause my computer to explode and require complete replacement.

This may be the one exception to my opposition to the death penalty.

OK. Rant over. Bastards. Over …. now.

The company car I took home last night had a TV inside!!! I watched the AI DeGarmo/Barrino face off. Oh, the depths to which they sucked have yet to be explored by man. I could pick who was “best,” but that would be like choosing a winner in a Fran Drescher-Maggie Wheeler whine off. Does anybody “win” in such a competition?

RANDO FACTOID

Monday, May 24th, 2004 by Dawn Summers

RANDO FACTOID

Who is older Bill Clinton or George W. Bush?

Monday Funnies

Monday, May 24th, 2004 by Dawn Summers

Monday Funnies

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a rabbi, if they could discuss his use of the family car.

His father took him into his study and said, “I’ll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your Talmud a little, get your hair cut and then we’ll talk about it.”

After about a month, the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. They again went into the father’s study where the father said, “Son, I’ve been very proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you’ve studied the Talmud diligently, but you didn’t get your hair cut.”

The young man waited a moment and then replied, “You know Dad, I’ve been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair.” The rabbi said, “Yes, and everywhere they went, they walked.”

John Ashcroft’s America…

Monday, May 24th, 2004 by Dawn Summers

John Ashcroft’s America…er Iraq

Rummy bans digital cameras from all military facilities in Iraq.

Yup, because that was the problem. Digital cameras.

LAND OF THE FREE AND SOMETIMES FREAKY

Monday, May 24th, 2004 by Dawn Summers

LAND OF THE FREE AND SOMETIMES FREAKY
I am addicted to the Sunday morning talk shows.
I watch as many as I can, except the CBS ones — never got into CBS shows.
Depending on the guests, they usually provide the most balanced, well-argued points of view on the week’s political happenings. (OK, Bill Safire’s ridiculous “it has been a bad couple of months for the Republicans because of the prison scandal and the death toll” viewpoint notwithstanding. FYI: Mr. Safire I think it was a bad month for the tortured prisoners, court martialed guardsmen, surviving family members and injured soldiers…)
Last week, the guests on “This Week” were journalists who cover the Middle East commenting on Abu Ghraib and why Bush’s apology was insufficient. I expected the obvious “well because he didn’t apologize for doing anything, but for what happened” argument. Instead, the one female journalist said it was because the President and his surrogates basically said “a terrible thing happened, but that’s not America. What does that mean to us?”
And she’s right.
I mean raise your hands if you feel better about the attacks on the WTC because that’s not what Saudia Arabians typically do.
Should I wait?
Look, fact is Lynndie England is American — (thumbs up, cigarette hanging out of her mouth — c’mon), her lover-boy supervisor, with his goofball mustache and horn-rimmed glasses? So very American.
Our nation’s history is chock full of Abu Ghraibs and worse. Amadou Diallo, Rodney King, Matthew Shepard, Columbine, Oklahoma City, Selma, Salem Witch Trials… anything involving Andrew Jackson.
Rage, violence, anger, venegance, deceit — they’re all as American as pissed off settlers, dressed as Native Americans, dumping tea into the harbor because the taxes were too high.
Quick, name the only country ever to use nuclear weapons in a war.
Should I wait?
But at the same time the current outcry is equally American.
The shock, 24/7 media coverage, shame, legal proceedings, apologies — been there, reparationed that.
Whose idea was it to “isolate” Japanese Americans again? That guy is in so much trouble, right now.
Last week, Federal officials reopened a 50-year-old race-driven murder of Emmett Till.
A candidate for President of the U.S. is asking for billions of dollars to be paid to the families of innocent civilians killed during Operation Iraqi freedom.
America, Americans, are not all one thing or the other.
Andrew Carnegie was evidently a vicious killer and a thief, but his charity gave rise to the finest public library system in the world and some of the most incredible cultural art centers.
Nixon was a racist paranoid, but his policies began affirmative action in the country.
TV has given us Buffy and Xena, but also Home Improvment and the Littlest Groom.
In high school, one of my favorite teachers showed us the movie “The Mouse that Roared” about a small European country that starts a war with the United States because it knows that if it’s defeated the U.S. will rebuild it and ensure that it thrives. (Hijinks ensue when caught by the surprise attack the U.S. decides to surrender…)
But I’ve always thought that summed things up pretty well: we can fight, destroy, kill, maim; but we can also create, rebuild, nurture, repay.
It may not fit the whole “moral clarity” mold, but it’s the American way.