Clareified

Where does the good go

Archive for April, 2004

Cookie Monster

Friday, April 23rd, 2004 by Dawn Summers

Cookie Monster

A sixth-grader has been indefinitely suspended because a classmate reported that he threatened to expose an allergic teacher to lots of peanut butter cookies.
Last Winter one of my company’s secretaries had to take a week off because her daughter had been suspended from school for slapping a boy.
Evidently, the boy had been making lewd remarks about certain of her body parts for months. She reported him and he was told to stop. But he didn’t, and finally, she slapped him.
The school said that because he merely used words, but she used “violence,” the girl faced a mandatory suspension. They would consider the surrounding circumstances and determine the length.
But this nabbing of the 11-year-old peanut butter cookie bandit, takes the cake.

John Ashcroft’s America II

Friday, April 23rd, 2004 by Dawn Summers

John Ashcroft’s America II

Cancer Patient Not Allowed to Board Flight

Creepy

Friday, April 23rd, 2004 by Dawn Summers

Creepy

Army Sergeant James Pitts confesses to wife’s murder:

“This has devastated me,” Pitts’ father, also named James, told KIRO-TV of Seattle. “My son called and said, ‘I just killed my wife.’ … He’s not my son anymore. I feel my son is still in Iraq. You can thank George W. Bush for this.”

ONE OF THOSE DAYS

Friday, April 23rd, 2004 by Dawn Summers

ONE OF THOSE DAYS

Woke up at 9:35 A.M. Went back to sleep.

John Ashcroft’s America

Thursday, April 22nd, 2004 by Dawn Summers


John Ashcroft’s America

Not only was the contractor who took the photo fired, so was her husband.

ANGEL

Thursday, April 22nd, 2004 by Dawn Summers

ANGEL
Huh? What now? Which father was he talking about? Angel? Holtz? Bland dad? Episodes ago Cordelia apologized to Wes for killing Lila and he accepted, so he must have remembered that he was in love with Lila. How did he think that happened?
My head hurts.
On an unrelated note: Spike and Angel need to hook-up and be done with it.

Line of the night: “C’mon Sparky, this heart’s not going to remove itself.” hahahahahahahahahaha

Kerry is so very…

Wednesday, April 21st, 2004 by Dawn Summers

Kerry is so very…not so bad

I finally watched the Meet the Press with John Kerry (aired Sunday.) I was impressed. (Although, lay off the Botox…that many injections can’t be healthy. And it’s a little distracting, I spent much of the first twenty minutes trying to remember where the wrinkles were and then I had to rewind.)

I have some suggestions though:

1) Criticizing Bush’s handling of the Iraq war is good; Praising his father’s handling of Desert Storm is bad. (Dude, you voted against it, remember?)

2) Distancing yourself from some of the crazy stuff you may have said in your late twenties is good, shifting the focus to what George W. Bush was doing in his late twenties (drunk driving pick-up trucks in podunk Texas, as I recall) is better.

3) Instead of “intrusive” use “transparent” and don’t forget to throw in how secretive the current White House is.

4) Unless she has something to hide that will get her thrown in jail, release your wife’s tax returns. If you don’t, every reporter/moderator from now until election day will be asking you a question that involves the phrase “when Geraldine Ferraro was chosen as Mondale’s running-mate in 1984.” No good.

5) Stop entertaining this “purple heart” inquiry. Just “Richard Clarke” (a.k.a. “The Paul O’Neill”) the General making the ridiculous claims. (i.e. find out what he said when you got the purple heart, release that portion of your record and then ask “which General are you asking about? The one in 1968? or the one in 2004 with a partisan axe to grind?”) Works for Bush, everytime.

6) The next time someone mentions Skull and Bones. Stand up and spit on the floor. Then, look them in the eye and say “that’s what I think of Skull and Bones.” OK, maybe I’ve got a wee bit of a personal bias — but it wouldn’t hurt.

7) The next time someone mentions Ralph Nader? See #6.

8) Do slam Hamas as a “murderous terrorist organization.” Don’t say “I agree with the President.” Seriously, it makes me queasy and brings back baaaaad memories of “I agree with Governor Bush.” It’ll cost you ten votes everytime you say it, 2 for Nader and 8 will stay home because “there’s no difference between them.” I don’t care if you do agree with Bush, you state your position affirmatively and if they follow-up with “How’s that different from Bush? You say “because he says it, I mean it” or something to that effect.

9) Enough with the “I’ve met with” stuff. We get it, people out there like you, they really like you. Just say what you’re going to say and try to convince the rest of people you haven’t met with to vote for you.

10) Smile more. (Oh, wait… does that hurt because of the Botox? Then, nevermind)

Pesky Job

Wednesday, April 21st, 2004 by Dawn Summers

Pesky Job
Yup, the real world has interfered with my blogging, but until blogging somehow buys me an apartment in NYC — gotta keep my day job.
Speaking of which, yesterday, I won my first motion at New LLP and today I did my second disposition! Woo hoo!

Anytime, Anywhere

Tuesday, April 20th, 2004 by Dawn Summers

Anytime, Anywhere
On second thought, Karol, watch out for that ceiling. You never know what’s gonna kill you.

Oh, that liberal media

Tuesday, April 20th, 2004 by Dawn Summers

Oh, that liberal media

Riiiiight. After sitting on Bush’s “missing year” for more than three years, now the press wants Kerry’s files immediately?