Clareified

CONGRESS WITHOUT DELAY?

Republican House leader Tom DeLay may step down from his post if a *Texas* grand jury indicts him.

PREDATOR

Condi waits for Richard Clarke to finish up his Congressional testimony before engaging him in a little chat with her friends left fist and right fist.

Better Late Than Never

New York Times fires Ted Rall because of complaints from conservatives.

In related news, the New York Times sets fire to its headquarters and closes up shop. (See Coulter, Psycho: Ctr+F Mcveigh)

via Iocaste

OVERHEARD

The U.S. had no plans to join most of the Western world, or bolster efforts at the United Nations, to condemn Israel.

“We’ve invaded two countries since 9/11,” explained one official. “How can we condemn what Israel is doing?”

BEAUTY OF HAVING A BLOG

I didn’t think I’d have two American Idol posts in one day, but here goes.

Drudge is reporting that top Fox executives regret airing footage of Simon Cowell resting his head on his middle finger.

“The nation’s top TV show is at the center of a fresh decency debate after AMERICAN IDOL judge Simon Cowell gestured a one finger salute during Tuesday night’s broadcast from Hollywood.

The obscene gesture came during a heated exchange with fellow judge Paula Abdul. Cowell held his middle finger to his cheek as Abdul railed against comments made about a contestant. ”

I have no doubt that Cowell was merely resting his head (which had to have been throbbing: see post below) on his finger. He shifted between the index and the middle during his comments. This “controversy” is simply ridiculous.
Simon “you look like your mother dressed you” Cowell, doesn’t do subtle.

If Cowell were to flip the bird every time he had a heated exchange with Paula, his middle finger would be permanently stapled to his right cheek.

WICTORY WEDNESDAY

Talk about drinking the kool-aid.

via Iddybud

DON’T DO IT

You can start watching American Idol too soon. You can find yourself clapsing your hands to your ears and writhing on the floor in horror. (For those who watched the sci fi nightmare that was last night’s ‘Country Music’ themed AI Finals, Latoya was no doubt the exception.)

You can find yourself thinking that when Simon Cowell says “you’re out of your depth with no chance of winning this competition,” he was being too damn nice. You can start wishing that American Idol was more of a contact sport where a panel of crazy Jerry Springer castoffs can smash chairs over the heads of those inflicting devastating injury on classics like ‘Desperado’ and will be classics like ‘Sin Wagon.’ You can do all those things, but don’t.

Instead, join me over at the WB and watch as all the female classmates in the house kick Gabe’s ass for three-timing them in high school and pull Ericka’s hair out strand by strand for faking a preganancy and ‘tricking’ him into marrying her! (Other moments to look for: will the former pipsqueak-turned-hot-guy hook up with the “teen mom” or the “gay guy.” Will the quarterback win the heart of the homecoming queen who broke up with him ten years ago? Will the nerd break down and finally lop off his heinous ponytail in the hopes of impressing the “flirt.”)

Now, that’s entertainment … AI, I’ll see you guys when you’ve winnowed the cesspool to people who can sing.

WILL THEY ALSO PROVIDE ISRAEL WITH A MAP TO HIS HOUSE?

Hamas announced that this guy is its new leader.

Take a page out of the Sopranos play book and name the old, senile Arafat your new leader.

OVERHEARD

Girl: I’m not really sure who Allah is, but I don’t think he blogs.

IS BUSH REALLY GOOD ON TERROR?

Rummy says that the U.S. could not have stopped 9/11 even if they had captured or killed bin Laden.

He also says that we *will* suffer another terrorist attack on our shores.

So why exactly should they be returned to office?