Clareified

AND THEN THEY CAME FOR ME

I will admit that I am a selfish S.O.B.

I read Candace’s heartbreak a couple of days ago. I thought, man, that sucks. But that was it. I mean, one poor girl’s tale was my humourous post. Until that poor girl was me.

In much the same way that Candace received her message during VH1. I received mine during last night’s Everybody Loves Raymond — but I also have PVR with my Dish Network, so I fast forwarded the intrusive writing at the bottom of my television. Then this morning, in my now-daily hunt for more insight into the minds of the Martha jury, her company’s strategies and her legal team’s appeal hopes, I flipped from GMA to the Today Show to … CEO of Dish Network?

For those of you who don’t have the Dish, the remote control is a fairly cumbersome contraption with all sorts of booby trap-buttons that if you accidentally depress them will take you to some far away tutorial land where Dish network representatives teach you how to work the remote control.

I assumed I had entered that land. I pressed the #2 again. Still CEO guy. Now he was telling me to call CBS advertisers.
Evidently, Viacom did not renew Dish network’s contract. Still I didn’t panic. I was getting a dollar back on next month’s bill and really I only watch CBS for Raymond… wait… and Survivor — This blows, but with Sue and Rich off, I was still chilling.

Then, I flipped over to catch the Tuesday morning repeat of TRL… CEO guy… VH1? CEO guy! BET? CEO guy. Nickolodeon? CEO GUY! (Somebody think of the children!!!! I so don’t envy Dish Network parents of talking toddlers.)
But then, then…. I scrolled down to Comedy Central and that’s when I lost it.
C freaking EO guy.
Look Dish, this was mildly amusing when it was Candace’s Vh1 shows we were talking about, but if I don’t have the Daily Show with Jon Stewart by tomorrow to catch the results of tonight’s primaries through Jon’s eyes. We are going to rumble. You can take your stinking one dollar a month and shove it up that CEO guy’s nether regions, because I want a full refund.
Or at the very least, turn on the other channels you offer (HBO, Showtime, Hallmark and Soap Opera Network) until you can give me every channel I pay for.
If I don’t see Cartman and friends on Wednesday evening, wrecking bloody vengence on you and your company will be my raison d’etre until I am satisfied. You might want to talk to the good folks at Compaq, if you think I’m kidding.
So hear me now and believe me latah, Dish Network: I WANT MY MTV!
That is all.

This entry was posted by Dawn Summers on Tuesday, March 9th, 2004 at 11:33 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.