Clareified

Where does the good go

Archive for February, 2004

KIDS SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS

Sunday, February 29th, 2004 by Dawn Summers

KIDS SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS

I was riding the subway today and a six year old girl and her three year old brother were sitting across from me in the car. The girl was showing her parents how well she could read.
“Do not lean on doors”
“Emergency Brake”
After patting her on the head a few times and applauding, the parents turned away to go back to their adult conversation.
Annoyed, the girl decided her brother would serve as the new audience. She decided to read him an advertisement that was posted along the top edge of the car.

The ad read: You may qualify for half-fare Metrocards if you can answer yes to any of these questions.

She read aloud to her brother:

You may candy for helper microwave if you can animals yes to all of the keepers.

Entralled her brother asked: “what does that mean?”
She replied:
“It means you have to be quiet on the subway all the time or we can’t get candy.”

I Know Alcoholism Is A Disease But…

Friday, February 27th, 2004 by Dawn Summers

I Know Alcoholism Is A Disease But…

The following colloquy from an imagined Bush/Kerry debate is priceless:

Bush: (regaining composure) Massachusetts Liberal

Kerry: I don’t like to talk about it, but I’m a war hero.

Bush: Bring it On

Kerry: No, I have three words for you. Bring … It … On

Bush: Let’s Roll

Kerry: I’m coming, you’re going and…

Bush: I haven’t heard you talk like that since our Skull and Bones initiation week.

Kerry: … don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

Bush: (pounding a fist) The Almighty, Faith-based, Mel Gibson, God Bless

Kerry: Ketchup fortune, good hair, tall, I can still drink

Bush: Fake Vietnam stories

Kerry: That was Bob Kerrey

There’s more… click the above link.

Via Mad Kane.

So That’s the Explanation!

Friday, February 27th, 2004 by Dawn Summers

So That’s the Explanation!

Two Bosnian brothers were told the reason that could drink all they wanted without ever being drunk was that they each had four kidneys.

Your blogmaster Dawn has the same ability, maybe I also have four kidneys.

The New Rules of Engagement

Friday, February 27th, 2004 by Dawn Summers

The New Rules of Engagement

My oldest uncle and I were born on the same date — 35 years apart. We had a joint birthday party once when I turned 8. He was my grandmother’s favorite child. (I used to think I could parlay the shared birthday into being her favorite grandchild, but with no success.)
He was a semi-God in the Panamanian town where he lived with his wife and two kids. He was Captain of the Bomberos (Panama’s fire department) and President of the oldest Lodge in the country. Four days before Christmas in 1990, he suddenly died of a heart attack. He was 44.
The funeral lasted 9 hours, everyone within 70 miles of Colon was there. The city shut down. Cars were lined up for miles to get to the gravesite — and people… well, it looked like old footage from the marches on Washington.
To this day, if I meet a native Panamanian and tell them I’m his niece, it’s always worth a boatload of cool points.
He was a widely respected and adored.
He was also a “terrorist.”
Well, to be fair, in those days they called them protestors, or at worst, rioters. But no doubt about it, he threw rocks and Molotov cocktails at U.S. Soldiers guarding the Canal Zone – a strip of land in the midst of Panama, that was occupied by Americans and declared a U.S. territory.
From what I know, through anecdotes and articles. Segregation was pretty fierce in Panama during the 1960s. Not just between blacks and whites, but between Panamanian and Americans.
In the Canal Zone, all the schools and municipal buildings flew the American flag, only American citizens could receive services at Zone hospitals (which were the best), the famous and fanciest hotels did not allow blacks and certainly not black Panamanians. Only American citizens could attend the Canal Zone schools.
In 1964, Panamanian high school students demanded that the Panamanian flag fly over all public high schools.
The Americans refused and instead decided that no flags would fly outside the Canal Zone schools.
For more than two weeks in the Winter of ’64 riots broke out after Panamanian kids tried to fly the Panamanian flag over Balboa High School.
More than two dozen kids were killed by Zone police and soldiers and a number soldiers were killed by student snipers.
My grandfather forbade all his children from getting involved, my grandmother even threatened them with her evil eye.
But like most teenagers, my uncle ignored them.
He and his friends, armed with sticks, and stones and whatever else they could pick up on the streets, headed to protest the U.S. occupation and demand the recognition of Panamanian sovereignty.
Sometimes, his kid sisters went along.
They were gassed, beaten, trampled.
But in the end, triumphant.
Today, I watch stories about the uprisings in Haiti, Chechnya, and the Gaza strip and I think about my uncle the “terrorist.”
For the most part they didn’t have guns or sophisticated explosives, they faced tanks barefeet in their school uniforms. Then bloodied and scratched would tell their parents lies about falling out of trees or rough housing in the school yard.
Today’s terrorists are just as young, just as reckless and — I like to imagine — equally defiant of disapproving parents, but now the geo-political world is much different.
They are the world’s enemies.
Instead of tear gas, they face poison gas. Instead of throwing rocks at tanks, they are crushed by them.
And we are all safer because of it.
Aren’t we?

NEW YORK TO ALLOW GAY MARRIAGES TOO

Thursday, February 26th, 2004 by Dawn Summers

NEW YORK TO ALLOW GAY MARRIAGES TOO

With the attention focussed on San Fran and Massachusetts (even New Mexico, for goodness sakes!) I was beginning to feel all left out, here in the Big Apple.

But now the mayor of New Paltz has brought the attention back home! He promises to wed four same sex couples within the month.

CHRIST DIED FOR HER…

Thursday, February 26th, 2004 by Dawn Summers

CHRIST DIED FOR HER…

So she returned the favor.

“The violent, controversial crucifixion scene in Mel Gibson’s “The Passion of the Christ” has proved too much for one unfortunate woman.

Kansas resident Peggy Law, 56, collapsed from an apparent heart attack on the film’s opening day, Wednesday, Feb. 25 while watching a morning screening sponsored by a Wichita radio station, according to news sources.”

Via Commenter Alceste

Now, I’m not one to gossip but…

Thursday, February 26th, 2004 by Dawn Summers

Now, I’m not one to gossip but…

The NY Post has a story about the “coming out” of Elvis Presley’s granddaughter, Riley. Best line is from her mom, Lisa who says that Riley’s birth in 1989 “kept her own life from spiraling out of control.”

Huh…

OK.

WHO YOU CALLIN’ WHITE?

Thursday, February 26th, 2004 by Dawn Summers

WHO YOU CALLIN’ WHITE?

U.S. Rep. Corrine Brown criticized Assistant Secretary of State Roger Noriega during a closed-door meeting on Capitol Hill, yesterday. Upset about the non-existent Bush policy on the Haitian crises she called the President’s policy on the beleaguered nation “racist” and his representatives “a bunch of white men.”

“Noriega later told Brown: “As a Mexican-American, I deeply resent being called a racist and branded a white man,” according to three participants.”

Brown’s race was not identified, but she reportedly responded “you all look alike to me.”

Youch!

Via Instapundit

RANDOM THOUGHT # 14,356

Thursday, February 26th, 2004 by Dawn Summers

RANDOM THOUGHT # 14,356

Without spoiling the episode for anyone who hasn’t seen it yet, last night’s Angel demonstrates that Joss Whedon wasn’t watching the show last year.

Not that it was bad, but it’s just been done.

She said ‘No’

Wednesday, February 25th, 2004 by Dawn Summers

She said ‘No’

A woman declined a marriage proposal in front of an arena full of basketball fans.

That is so something my friend would do. Poor, poor guy.

Via Intl/News (Really great news blog! No more need to read Drudge.)