Clareified

Another 21 Questions

Forget Ralph Nader, the real “spoiler” of election 2000 for Al Gore was Lehrer. His ridiculous questions about Gore’s “veracity” were unfair, irrelevant and hurtful. There were no similar questions about “mental capacity” for Governor Bush. So, as I watch the debates and Sunday morning shows, I have been looking for an acceptable moderator for the 2004 debates, I like Russert best so far, but I’m really looking for the man or woman who is willing to ask the real questions that matter to Democratic voters, like:

General Clark, Senator Edwards got tangled up in the N.H. Debate about DOMA and whether he supported it, my question to you sir is, are you gay?

Congressman Kucinich, same question.

Senator Kerry, General Clark has made some comments to the effect that he outranks you and any well-trained monkey could become a lieutenant. Sir, do you think if we turned the cameras off and left you alone with the General for five minutes, you could soundly kick his four star arse?

Rev. Sharpton, if all the polls are to be believed, and we turn them upside down, you are the front runner in this contest. What do you think your opponents will start to attack you with, given that as a reverend, you are unlikely to have a scandolous past?

Governor Dean after the stunning loss in Iowa, pundits have wondered whether your campaign can stop the bleeding, as a trained medical doctor can you tell us the most effective ways to stop bleeding.

Senator Edwards, you are probably the most physically attractive of all the candidates, you are tall, boyish, have a bright smile and great hair, you also know how to dress. On the other hand, your wife is not attractive at all. How did the two of you end up together and who do the children look like?

Senator Kerry, same question in reverse.

Sen. Edwards, George Bush has quipped that he wouldn’t mind running against you because “what’s he going to do sue people who don’t vote for him?”
My question in two parts to you is 1) will you in fact sue people who don’t vote for you?
And 2) if Gore hired you instead of David Boise would he be President today?

Senator Kerry, Reagan’s administration once advocated replacing vegetables with ketchup, now that you are married to the ketchup heir, do you think the old guy was onto something?

Congressman…excuse me? Oh, Senator Lieberman, are you still in this race?
Seriously?
Um ok…well, Senator Lieberman, are you one of those lifelong democrats who became a Republican after 9/11?

Congressman Kucinich, there are those who think you may have bankrupted Cleveland. True or false.

Rev. Sharpton, I know you have thus far failed to get the endorsement of big name Democrats like Ted Kennedy, Al Gore or Charlie Rangel. Sir, do you think Tawana Brawley will endorse you?

General Clark, you converted to catholicism as an adult, given the recent controversy about whether the Pope endorsed Mel Gibson’s film about the passion or not, what would Jesus do?

Senator Lieberman, same question.

Governor Dean, could you say the following phrase for our audience: “Don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.”

Rev. Sharpton, in N.H. you correctly pointed out that although your opponents vociferously advocate leaving gay marriage rights up to the individual states, they wouldn’t take that position with respect to equal rights for ethnic and racial minority citizens or with respect to women’s reproductive rights, my question to the rest of you is “Dude, Al Sharpton figured that one out, what the hell is wrong with the rest of you?”

Senator Edwards, now that Ashton Kutcher has endorsed you, will you get him to punk your opponents?

Congressman Kucinich, I really like your idea for free college, will you also provide free pizza and beer?

Senator Lieberman, you have pledged to put more than one woman on your shortlist for Vice-President options, would that be Paris or Nicole?

Senator Kerry, you have been accused of looking French, do you think that is a fair characterization, if so, do you think the American people are ready for a French looking commander-in-chief? If not, what do you think you look like? Turkish? Polish? Djiboutian?

Finally, all of you will have to make your way across 8 states by the beginning of February because Terry McCaullife decided to front-load the schedule. If you were left alone in a room with Terry, how hard would you hit him and with what objects. The question is to all of you.

This entry was posted by Dawn Summers on Sunday, January 25th, 2004 at 11:18 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.