Clareified

Where does the good go

I’m Sorry….

I’m Sorry…. Are you Happy Now?

I come from a long line of grudge holders.
My grandma knew how to hold a grudge, my mother knows how to hold a grudge and I, well, in the age of computers and excel spreadsheets, I’ve managed to streamline my grudges into three distinct categories reaching back 20 years.
Silent Treatment, Retaliation and Unholy Vengeance.
The Silent Treatment usually lasts for a matter of hours before hostilities are ended.
Retaliation, of course, means that all is forgiven once I’ve imposed some roughly equivalent harm, and Unholy Vengeance… well, basically may God help you, because I won’t.
It’s like when Susan told Kelly that if she were dying of thirst on a dusty road and she owned an Aquafina plant, she’d let Kelly die.
Marsha, who stole my collection of neon, plastic bracelets in the third grade ranks high on this list.
My mom always says “Don’t be sorry, be careful.”
There’s that funny scene in ‘Billy Madison’ where Adam Sandler calls Steve Buscemi and apologizes for being mean to him in high school. Buscemi calmly hangs up the phone and walks over to his refrigerator and crosses Billy Madison off his “People to kill” List.
Careful.
I know it sounds harsh and probably unhealthy, but it’s way better than this modern movement where saying “I’m sorry” passes for punishment. Taking responsibility replaces being held accountable.
When Charlie Gibson said that Pete Rose decided to come clean after fifteen years, because people kept saying that they would forgive him if he just admitted what he did, I thought he was joking.
He wasn’t.
When Gov. Rowland apologized last night for lying about accepting gifts and then added that now he hoped everyone would allow him to get back to the job of governing, I knew we had gone too far.
Apologizing and then accepting your punishment is one thing, apologizing as your punishment is another.
But, then again, I may just be a big ole meanie who thinks Sorry’s nothing but a boardgame.

17 Responses to “I’m Sorry….”

  1. Kashei Says:

    OH MY G-D. How can you be writing this when your president Clinton was the head of the ‘can we move on now’ movement? It’s awfully convenient when an apology isn’t enough from a Republican (or some random ball player) but you do say different things when it’s a Democrat (or a Met, I’m sure).

  2. Kashei Says:

    OH MY G-D. How can you be writing this when your president Clinton was the head of the ‘can we move on now’ movement? It’s awfully convenient when an apology isn’t enough from a Republican (or some random ball player) but you do say different things when it’s a Democrat (or a Met, I’m sure).

  3. Kashei Says:

    OH MY G-D. How can you be writing this when your president Clinton was the head of the ‘can we move on now’ movement? It’s awfully convenient when an apology isn’t enough from a Republican (or some random ball player) but you do say different things when it’s a Democrat (or a Met, I’m sure).

  4. Dawn Says:

    Clinton was your President too, dearie. And he didn’t “just apologize” he was impeached and disbarred.
    Show me one instance where I ever said that all Clinton had to do was apologize.

  5. Dawn Says:

    Clinton was your President too, dearie. And he didn’t “just apologize” he was impeached and disbarred.
    Show me one instance where I ever said that all Clinton had to do was apologize.

  6. Dawn Says:

    Clinton was your President too, dearie. And he didn’t “just apologize” he was impeached and disbarred.
    Show me one instance where I ever said that all Clinton had to do was apologize.

  7. Kashei Says:

    He only apologized after getting caught and wanted to sweep it under the rug shortly thereafter. You made several comments about how people were ‘obsessed’ with Clinton because we weren’t ready to ‘move on’ and forgive the liar. And that’s my ‘dearie’, stop stealing my words!

  8. Kashei Says:

    He only apologized after getting caught and wanted to sweep it under the rug shortly thereafter. You made several comments about how people were ‘obsessed’ with Clinton because we weren’t ready to ‘move on’ and forgive the liar. And that’s my ‘dearie’, stop stealing my words!

  9. Kashei Says:

    He only apologized after getting caught and wanted to sweep it under the rug shortly thereafter. You made several comments about how people were ‘obsessed’ with Clinton because we weren’t ready to ‘move on’ and forgive the liar. And that’s my ‘dearie’, stop stealing my words!

  10. Kashei Says:

    And I was using ‘your’ president in the way I would say ‘your man Al Sharpton’. I realize he was my president too, unfortunate but true.

  11. Kashei Says:

    And I was using ‘your’ president in the way I would say ‘your man Al Sharpton’. I realize he was my president too, unfortunate but true.

  12. Kashei Says:

    And I was using ‘your’ president in the way I would say ‘your man Al Sharpton’. I realize he was my president too, unfortunate but true.

  13. Dawn Says:

    After impeachment, humiliation, disbarrment — yeah, moving on should be next. How about you commenting about whether Rowland needs to do anything more than apologize for what he did instead of rehashing the old Clinton debate.
    Ooh or if you want to rehash let’s talk about whether “Your President” Reagan should have had to do more than apologize for authorizing arms to be sold to Iran.

  14. Dawn Says:

    After impeachment, humiliation, disbarrment — yeah, moving on should be next. How about you commenting about whether Rowland needs to do anything more than apologize for what he did instead of rehashing the old Clinton debate.
    Ooh or if you want to rehash let’s talk about whether “Your President” Reagan should have had to do more than apologize for authorizing arms to be sold to Iran.

  15. Dawn Says:

    After impeachment, humiliation, disbarrment — yeah, moving on should be next. How about you commenting about whether Rowland needs to do anything more than apologize for what he did instead of rehashing the old Clinton debate.
    Ooh or if you want to rehash let’s talk about whether “Your President” Reagan should have had to do more than apologize for authorizing arms to be sold to Iran.

  16. Clareified » Blog Archive » This is the end, my friend Says:

    […] When relationships end with a big, knock down drag out fight where glass breaks and spit flies — there’s no question about reconciliation or “catching up” in twenty years. Oh no. That loser is dead to you and you have a bag full of heads that you’ve cut out of pictures. But, that’s just me. A child of divorce. And a spawn of a long line of bitter women. […]

  17. Clareified » Blog Archive » Not ready to make nice Says:

    […] And it dawned on me, that’s not how I was raised at all. My mother and her mother before her were huge proponents of the “don’t be sorry, be careful” school of “what did you say? Here’s a fistful of knuckles and enjoy your tasty refreshing mouthful of blood. My family doesn’t do forgiveness. If you hurt me, I will hurt you back…probably more than once just for good measure and that will be our last interaction. No one hurts me more than once. In college, I was the designated hurter of others on behalf of my friends. “Dawn…I’m inviting Winston over can you be a total bitch to him?” Yeah, sure, why not? My Saturday’s open. That’s. How. I. Roll. Er, I mean rolled. Sigh. Just like all things, the new age touchy feelie hippie hop head dope fiends sorta got to me with all their What would Jesus Do? But what happens when someone you really really care about does something shitty? Come on Dawn, you can be right or you can be happy. And so I tried. Tried to try. I really really did. But I suck at it. Oh man do I suck at forgiving. Someone is an asshole to me, they say sorry, I say I forgive them and really I just can’t wait for the day when no one’s looking and I can drive a screwdriver through their neck. Not only because of how I was raised, but because I don’t hurt anyone I don’t intend to. And um…this might be an awkward moment for anyone that I’ve given my doe eyed innocent “oh my gosh, I’m so sorry…I had no idea that would hurt your feelings. Sooorryy.” speech to in the past. I knew. I meant it. And, I’d do it again because you were an asshole and lied to me/wasted my time/hurt my feelings/cost me money/looked at me funny/breathed too hard/said unkind words about Buffy the Vampire Slayer (that’s right, sleep with one eye open Ugarles.) I figure, if I know what I’m doing, so do they. Or they’re retarded and who the hell wants retarded in their life? And truth be told, in the past few years I’ve found that when I’ve “forgiven” people one thing, they just end up hurting you again in other ways and if you try to forgive those… new and yet still more awesome disappointments are in store. At some point, enough has to be enough. You shouldn’t have to ban someone from your poker game a third time. (And yes, I can admit that since I never really forgave any of them and instead took continuous retaliatory shots, it’s hard to say I ever really gave peace a chance.) […]

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