GENERATION X-FILES
GENERATION X-FILES
At one time or another, all my close friends have gotten the following call from me:
“Hey, I’m walking through a desolate area. I’m going to keep talking to you until I get to safety, if you hear the cell clatter to the floor or my muffled screaming, call 911.”
or this one:
“You know, we should probably have some kind of codeword, so that if we are ever kidnapped and replaced with doubles, we can tell which is the real one of us. I was thinking “Shreveport.” (Don’t worry, I’m changing it now.)
Recently, I had conversation number one, with an old acquaintance and let’s just say it was less successful than I had anticipated.
After repeating my location and describing my outfit, I did the quick quiz:
“OK, so where am I again?”
“Umm… Brooklyn?”
“Yes, but where specifically?”
“Ummm…hold on…(laughter)”
“What’s so funny? Hello? Life and death here.”
“No, right — My boyfriend is wearing lights on his head and dancing around without pants. (more laughter)”
I waited a few minutes for the hysterics on the other end to subside and repeated my location and attire.
“Albany and Prospect. Red jacket, pink sneakers,” she finally repeated.
Phew. Suddenly, a group of ten teenagers came pouring out of a local bodega… I ducked into a stairway and hid behind the stairs. They were shouting obscenities at once another (best I can tell, the feud was about some kind of incestous relationship between a cat and its mother)
I stayed very quiet, and could hear my friend saying “hello? hello?” over and over on the other end of the phone.
Finally, when they moved a little further up the block, I replied “All clear, I’m ok.”
Now she really starts laughing.
“Tell him to stop that dancing around.”
“No, that’s not why I’m laughing.”
“Then, what?”
“Well, I heard lots of yelling and you didn’t answer when I kept saying hello…but I still didn’t call the police.”
Hmm… she had a point
“Well, why didn’t you call the police?”
“I don’t know. But I’m glad I didn’t”
“But I could have been dead.”
“Well, you’re not.”
I fired her (or she quit) and decided the boyfriend would be better suited for the all important job of 911 caller.
I was wrong.
“I’m still alive.”
“Good. But [Dawn], if the situation changes and you are not still alive. I want you to call immediately.”
Laughter.
December 21st, 2003 at 10:02 pm
Heh. I had a similar unsuccesful call like that recently.. I was out of town, in DC on business. I decided to go out at night and explore. I had no idea where I was, so I told my friend that if anything happened he should call the cops and say ‘Im somewhere in DC or possibly Maryland’. Think they would have found me in time?
December 21st, 2003 at 10:02 pm
Heh. I had a similar unsuccesful call like that recently.. I was out of town, in DC on business. I decided to go out at night and explore. I had no idea where I was, so I told my friend that if anything happened he should call the cops and say ‘Im somewhere in DC or possibly Maryland’. Think they would have found me in time?
December 21st, 2003 at 10:02 pm
Heh. I had a similar unsuccesful call like that recently.. I was out of town, in DC on business. I decided to go out at night and explore. I had no idea where I was, so I told my friend that if anything happened he should call the cops and say ‘Im somewhere in DC or possibly Maryland’. Think they would have found me in time?
December 22nd, 2003 at 2:07 am
Now who could that have been on the phone?
December 22nd, 2003 at 2:07 am
Now who could that have been on the phone?
December 22nd, 2003 at 2:07 am
Now who could that have been on the phone?
December 22nd, 2003 at 2:13 am
First of all, I was wearing pants. I don’t know why you think otherwise. Secondly, I was not dancing with lights on my head. I was trying to untangle the Christmas lights and I was momentarily wrapped up in them.
December 22nd, 2003 at 2:13 am
First of all, I was wearing pants. I don’t know why you think otherwise. Secondly, I was not dancing with lights on my head. I was trying to untangle the Christmas lights and I was momentarily wrapped up in them.
December 22nd, 2003 at 2:13 am
First of all, I was wearing pants. I don’t know why you think otherwise. Secondly, I was not dancing with lights on my head. I was trying to untangle the Christmas lights and I was momentarily wrapped up in them.
December 22nd, 2003 at 5:02 pm
I stand corrected. With pants mind you. With pants.
December 22nd, 2003 at 5:02 pm
I stand corrected. With pants mind you. With pants.
December 22nd, 2003 at 5:02 pm
I stand corrected. With pants mind you. With pants.
December 22nd, 2003 at 6:19 pm
Dear 911 caller:
If you have no clue what Dawn is wearing, just go with the pink sneakers. It should be easy for the cops to find her as she is probably the only person in a 50-mile radius wearing them.
December 22nd, 2003 at 6:19 pm
Dear 911 caller:
If you have no clue what Dawn is wearing, just go with the pink sneakers. It should be easy for the cops to find her as she is probably the only person in a 50-mile radius wearing them.
December 22nd, 2003 at 6:19 pm
Dear 911 caller:
If you have no clue what Dawn is wearing, just go with the pink sneakers. It should be easy for the cops to find her as she is probably the only person in a 50-mile radius wearing them.
December 23rd, 2003 at 1:43 am
Leave the pink sneakers alone! You’re just jealous.
December 23rd, 2003 at 1:43 am
Leave the pink sneakers alone! You’re just jealous.
December 23rd, 2003 at 1:43 am
Leave the pink sneakers alone! You’re just jealous.