Lots of people in the UK play Poker on the net. Online Poker sites in the UK are made up of some of the biggest high street brands like Sky, Virgin & Ladbrokes Poker.

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Where does the good go

July Movie Reviews

July 26th, 2014 by Dawn Summers

The Big Chill

This movie was okay. The best thing I can say about it is that they cut Kevin Costner. The movie is about friends whose college friend kills himself and they spend the weekend hashing out old grudges and deciding who gets to sleep with the dead guy’s twenty-year-old girlfriend next. The impotent Vietnam vet wins.

The Paperboy

All Zac Efron movies start off with four stars. Zac Efron movies where he is wet and shirtless 90 percent of the time, start off with nine hundred stars. The movie is about Matthew McConaughey who is a journalist trying to free a death row inmate who he thinks is innocent. He comes with a British black assistant and an unrecognizable Nicole Kidman plays the convict’s girlfriend. John Cusack plays the convict. You’d think this movie would be AMAZING, wouldn’t you. Well, Zac Efron is wet and half naked for most of it. AND it’s better than Crash.

Not Fade Away

This movie is awful. I went through an obsessed with the Sopranos phase in June, so I watched this cause the same guy directed it and it stars Tony Soprano. But YARF. It’s a crappy period piece about some shitty cover singer who wants to make it and so some stupid shit happens and his dad or cancer or something. Blargh. AW. FULL.

Gladiator

One of the Sopranos characters is obsessed with this movie, so I thought I’d rewatch it. I LOVED this when I saw it in the theater, but it does not hold up. This movie is not good. It’s predictable, clichéd and kinda silly. There are maybe twenty awesome minutes – mostly the beginning and the end. The rest is drivel. The Oscars are so dumb.

Bernie

This movie is about a man who kills the old lady he either works for or is involved with. It’s an actually well executed fauxumentary. Weird McConaughey is in this too. The movie stars Jack Black as the man and is funny and compelling. The reality that this dude was caught with a dead body in his freezer but is free, because a Hollywood director vouched for him… well… that’s disturbing.

Burning Man

Good lord is this movie horrendous. It’s about a family and then the mom gets cancer and dies and the dad goes crazy and the son goes to live with his aunt or something. It’s Australian. Also bad.

After Tiller

This is a documentary about how late term abortion doctors are so harassed and murdered in America that there are only FOUR left. Jesus. It follows various women who get abortions and the doctors and it’s just heartbreaking all the way through.

SEC Storied: Going Big

This is about the guy who got drafted ahead of Michael Jordan. I watched it because I assume this will be a bar trivia question some day…but now I can’t remember his name again. D’oh. Needless to say, the guy was a bust. Not worth the watch.

Manhattan

The fucking movie is HORRIBLE. Why is Woody Allen celebrated for this? The writing is crap, the acting is crappier, the plot is implausible. None of the characters are believable. UGH and he’s dating a teenager WHO HE PICKS UP AT SCHOOL? Disgusting.

Gideon’s Army

This is a documentary about legal aid lawyers and how poorly paid and overworked they are. It’s good. I mean, not the life of a legal aid lawyer or their clients… the documentary.

The Woman Who Wasn’t There

This is a documentary about a Spanish woman who pretended to work in Tower 1 and pretended to have a husband who died in Tower 2 during the 9/11 attacks. The film ultimately unsatisfying because it never interviews the woman or answers the question WHY THE FUCK DID SHE DO THAT?

Reasonable Doubt

I went back and forth on this movie. At first, I thought it was awesome. It’s about a hard nosed prosecutor who ends up hitting and running a guy AND THEN PROSECUTING SOMEONE ELSE FOR THE DEATH! But then it takes a turn, which I won’t spoiler and it got even more awesome and then the end. Blargh. Samuel L Jackson is in it.

The Invisible Woman

This is about the woman Charles Dickens left his wife and seven kids for. You all know how I feel about adultery. Blech. The movie ruined one of my favorite writers. I’m mad.

Oldboy

Spike Lee’s remake actually stuck pretty closely to the original. But since I already knew how the story ended, it wasn’t as powerful as the original. Just watch the original.

Soldiers of Fortune

This is kind of a dumb mindless watch. A dishonorably discharged renegade soldier is hired by a company to lead a “fantasy camp” for a bunch of rich dudes who want to play at war. Then, whoops, they end up in an actual war. It has moments, though, not many.

Suture

OH MY FUCKING GOD. OKAY. I saw this movie with Mary and I was so angry that I was googling articles about it for DAYS after. It’s about these brothers who meet at their dad’s funeral and the one brother decides to fake his death using the body of the other brother. Unfortunately, the brother fucks it all up by surviving. BUT HERE’S THE THING. ONE BROTHER IS BLACK AND THE OTHER IS WHITE. YET NO ONE SEEMS TO NOTICE! Not his plastic surgeon, who has before pictures that she’s using to recraft his face nor the chick that raised the murderous brother. They’re all la lalala oh you look just the same. NO HE FUCKING DOESN’T! *throws remote*

Grudge Match

Okay, don’t laugh. This movie was kinda awesome. It’s De niro and Stallone as aging boxers with a history. Financial difficulties force Stallone to accept a rubber match fight fifty years after he beat De Niro. It’s funny, touching and the ending is a surprise.

The Lunchbox

This is a Bollywood movie about two people who fall in love without ever meeting. He mistakeningly gets the lunch she has prepared for her husband. There’s no singing though.

Cold Comes the Night

This movie is weird, but I think I liked it. It stars Walter White as an aging assassin/dealer who loses his “package” he then blackmails a motel clerk into helping him get it back. Things go awry.

The Bag Man

This movie is so incredibly dumb. Why do all modern-day John Cusack movies stink?

The Secret of My Success

This movie is trash. Oh, the eighties, why did we not realize you were terrible? I rented this cause a clip shows up in the Second season of Orange is the new black and I thought there was some message. There wasn’t. I just watched this shitty Michael J. Fox movie for no reason.

The Legend of Hercules

Like Gladiator, this movie has maybe fifteen exciting minutes – mostly at the end, the rest is drivel. Skip.

Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues

I actually thought this movie was way funnier than the original, although it does repeat many of the same gags. Oh, and it still isn’t that great.

Pompeii

Wow I watched a lot of movies featuring arena fighting… this one has Game of Throne’s Jon Snow chasing Jack Bauer on horseback. It’s not good.

Prisoners

Okay, this movie is like forty-five hours long and you have NO idea what’s happening until the last fifteen minutes. It’s not a bad movie and the end is satisfying, BUT DAMN you put in a lot of work to get there. Oh, it’s about two girls who are kidnapped from the same street where a string of kidnapping happened ten years prior. The fathers take the search into their own hands. But the truth is more complicated than they could ever imagine!

I’m obsessed with Passenger

July 9th, 2014 by Dawn Summers

Passenger – The Wrong Direction – Official video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvRVu78IHHo&sns=tw

Happy Birthday to me…

July 8th, 2014 by Dawn Summers

…the rooting tootingiest slack blogger!

Poetry Wednesday

May 28th, 2014 by Dawn Summers

The legendary Maya Angelou died this morning, watching TV alone. So much of her work has touched my life at various stages that it was hard to choose one to feature, or easy, I guess, since I can’t get it wrong.

The Detached
Maya Angelou

We die,
Welcoming Bluebeards to our darkening closets,
Stranglers to our outstretched necks,
Stranglers, who neither care nor
care to know that
DEATH IS INTERNAL.

We pray,
Savoring sweet the teethed lies,
Bellying the grounds before alien gods,
Gods, who neither know nor
wish to know that
HELL IS INTERNAL.

We love,
Rubbing the nakednesses with gloved hands,
Inverting our mouths in tongued kisses,
Kisses that neither touch nor
care to touch if
LOVE IS INTERNAL.

R.I.P

Mother, May I?

May 8th, 2014 by Dawn Summers

Get it?


May?


Mother’s Day!


Mother May I?


Why do I give you guys this stuff for FREE?


So, my peoples what’s new? What’s happening? Your hockey team crapping out in the Stanley Cup Playoff? Yeah, mine too. It sucks. I’m also losing in the Stephane/Vinny hockey pool heads up match. Which, since I never lose to that fool heads up, leads me to believe hockey and all things hockey are racist. Let us never speak of them again.


Not much else is going on here, except I watched some movies, wanna hear about them? Here it goes:


Mean Girls


Well, one month after declaring myself too old for high school movies, I found myself streaming this little chestnut on Netflix. Um. This movie is awful. TELL YOUR FRIENDS. So, this movie has been heralded through the ages for what, exactly? Ooh, Tina Fey writing it? Good for her. It’s not a good movie for girls — wow, does this movie HATE girls. It’s not a good movie for gay kids (why is the gay guy in the girls only gym meeting?) It’s not a good movie for racial or ethnic minorities (She lived in “Africa” — you know, someplace savage like that to prepare her for savagery of High School. See? aren’t we clever! let’s insert tigers taking down zebras for emphasis.) Eye. Motherfucking. Roll. This movie is bullshit on a sandwich.


Mean Girls 2


Much better than the original, if only because it involves a football game, but still wretched. It’s basically set at the same high school ten years later with different kids. The stereotypes are less offensive.


Heathers


I feel like I did see this movie a billion years ago, but I didn’t really remember it. Basically, serial killers start offing the popular kids at school. One of them has a change of heart and kills the other one. I would prefer if the movie was just the dark imaginings of Winona Ryder because, otherwise, wow, the police are dumb as hell. But it’s unclear. It’s okay.


Tender Mercies


I have no idea why I rented this movie set in the 1970s about a washed up country singer who gets a job at a gas station and ends up marrying the widow owner and becoming a stepfather to her 8-year-old son. It’s not good.



Liberal Arts



This movie is almost the perfect film. Nothing explodes — but it’s got Zac Efron, it’s well written and tugs on all the nostalgia strings. I highly recommend it — you think it’s gonna be all cliched and gross, but then it’s not. It’ll make you want to call up your favorite teacher and tell them thanks. Unless, you hate phones.


Delivery Man


I actually thought this flick about a man finding out his sperm donations have fathered more than 500 children worked. Vince Vaughn plays the lead, a slacker who works in the family meat shop who is forced to grow up quickly because his girlfriend is pregnant (
Robin from How I Met Your Mother — she and that whole relationship, are the weakest parts of the movie.) Basically, he finds out the news, then tracks down the kids one by one and tries to help their lives anonymously.


Blue Caprice


This movie about the Beltway snipers is eery. The movie concentrates on Lee malvo’s relationship with John Muhammed before they start out on the spree. It’s super creepy. I think it’s good, but creepy.


Saving Mr. Banks


This movie about the making of Mary Poppins is awful. It’s super misogynistic, though that may be a product of the time, but not cool. Ugh. Tom Hanks as Disney is fine, but they make the creator of Mary Poppins so unreasonable and unlikable that you are just angry and uncomfortable through the whole thing. And heck, that may be how the lady really was, but guess what, then don’t make a movie about her.


Ain’t Them Bodies Saints


I have no idea what this title is on about, but the movie is pretty good. It’s about a Bonnie and Clyde-ish couple that gets in a shoot out with the cops, but since the chick is pregnant, the man gives himself up and takes the rap for the all the crimes. Then the cop she shot falls in love with her and wants to marry her and father the kid, but the convict dad is all “I’m coming back for you both,” and then he breaks out of jail. Dun dun dun.


Kill Your Darlings


Booooooo. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I will never be here for the romanticization of real life murderers — especially when they’re ivy league educated, white male murderers and druggies. FUUUUCCCKKKKK TTTHHHEEEEEMMMMM. Oh, this movie is about Burroughs and the On the Road guy and Allen Ginsberg and how they murdered/helped cover up the murder of this gay guy. Of course, nothing happens to them and they go on to have successful publishing careers. I repeat, fuuuuuccccckkkk ttthhhhheeeeeemmmmmm.

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April movie reviews

April 11th, 2014 by Dawn Summers

I’ve been writing monthly movie reviews for too long, I’m literally cycling through old titles now…but here we go!

Austenland


This movie is a modern day update of the Pride and Prejudice story. Homely spinster (eyeroll) Kerri Russell is all thirty and unmarried, so she spends her life savings to go to “Austenland,” a live action reenactment of Jane Austen’s ubiquitous love story. It’s okay.


At Middleton


Um… the lady from the Bates Motel TV show and Andy Garcia are polar opposites taking their teens on a campus visit to Middleton. She drives him crazy with her interrupting and he makes her nuts with his uptightness! Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. Meh. It’s okay.


The Incredible Burt Wonderstone


Um… that guy from the Office and Steve Buscemi are partners in a Las Vegas magic show, but after ten years together, and a hot new magic act, Jim Carrey, breathing down their necks, they try to shake things up, but it all falls apart and James Gandolfini fires them. It’s okay.


For a Good Time, Call
UGH. I have this “no live action movie under 90 minutes is any good” rule. This piece of garbage is 84 minutes. It’s hot garbage. Two women — one a bootleg Bette Midler– start a sex hotline together. Are there even still sex hotlines out there? So DUMB.


Save the Date


Hmm…I cannot remember what this movie is about…OH. Two sisters are planning the older sister’s wedding. She is uptight, younger sister is flighty. Hinjinks, as they say, ensue. It was good.


The Sessions


This movie is about a handicapped man hiring a sex counselor to teach him how to have sex even though he’s paralyzed from the neck down. I have no idea why I rented this, but I did…and I watched it and it was exactly what it said it would be. His confidante through the whole process is a roman catholic priest, so I didn’t like that, as, well…I don’t think a roman catholic priest would do such a thing.


Smashed


Um… I don’t know why crack is making this big comeback in stories about middle class white people, but here we are. This movie is about a young couple who go out and get loaded every night, but when the woman half of the couple yarfs in front of her kindergarten class and has to fake being pregnant to explain away her party foul, she decides to go to AA and clean up her act. Also, she smokes crack.


Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom
I didn’t learn much about apartheid or Nelson Mandela from this movie– which is odd considering it’s asposed to be about Nelson Mandela’s long walk to freedom from *apartheid.* I was fascinated, though, by the character of Winnie Mandela. First off, she is portrayed as an aggressor, both in the courtship AND in the “struggle.” Also, the make up people do not age her *at all* until the very last scene after Nelson has left her. I think we’re supposed to ”
feel sorry for her” but I mostly felt ashamed of the men around her who couldn’t support her. I don’t know the real life story of how she ended up jailed for corruption and whatnot, but I’m suddenly much more interested in the “Winnie Mandela: Long Walk to Vilification” story.


Sarafina


I’ve seen this movie like ten times (and I saw the off broadway show when I was a kid.) I love it. Everyone should see it. I learn new things about apartheid every time I watch it. Great movie. PLUS: SINGING AND DANCING!


Total Recall


I watched the original, with the former Governor of California, a couple of years ago (oh, not with him, starring him. I have never met the former Governor, nor been alone with him, I won’t be taking any more questions, this press conference is OVER.) and I fell asleep. I don’t know why I rented the remake cause I also fell asleep during it. Total Recall is just a boring premise for a movie.


The Perks of Being a Wallflower


I think I’m officially too old for these “coming of age” movies about tortured high schoolers. Oh, no one will sit with me in the lunchroom, ehrmagosh my paper is like totally due TOMORROW, AAHH THE SATs. Eyeroll. I’m sorry, I don’t care. Lawn comma get off of my.


The Kings of Summer


Eh. Three boys decide to run away from home and build a house for themselves in the woods. Then a girl comes between them and ruins everything. Chicks are the worst, amirite? Yawn.


Mud


Two boys run away from home and find a boat in a tree and then discover a convict has been hiding out in it. So, OF COURSE, they decide to help him. Double Yawn. Hmmm… all these horrible movies are about white boys. Why is that? Why are white boys always running away and why is Hollywood always writing movies about sad lonely white American boys and how hard life is for them? TUH. Lemmee go rewatch Sarafina.

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House of Cards

March 27th, 2014 by Dawn Summers

Omigosh!

There was a whole discussion in my comments section and I TOTALLY missed it, so now I’m going to write a post about it.

House of Cards. Hmmm I binge watched both seasons on Valentine’s Day weekend on consecutive years.

Oh wait… I guess I don’t want to spoiler anything. So I’ll move my thoughts to the comment section.

Poetry Wednesday

March 26th, 2014 by Dawn Summers

Someone on twitter linked to this poem. I really like it. So cute, simple, yet evocative. Poems like this make me think I can write poetry, but then I try and welp…

If the ocean had a mouth
by Marie-Elizabeth Mali

I’d lean close, my ear
to her whisper and roar,
her tongue scattered
with stars.

She’d belt her brassy voice
over the waves’ backbeat.
No one sings better than her.

Would she ever bite
the inside of her cheek?

Would she yell at the moon
to quit tugging at her hem,
or would she whistle, drop
her blue dress and shimmy
through space to cleave
to that shimmer?

What did she mean to say
that morning she spit out
the emaciated whale
wearing a net for a corset?

All this emptying
on the sand. Eyeless
shrimp. Oiled pelicans.

Within her jaws the coral forests,
glittering fish, waves like teeth,
her hungry mortal brine.

March movie reviews

March 10th, 2014 by Dawn Summers

So weird, I thought I watched a ton of movies this month, but evidently, I just watched lots of House of Cards and Bunheads and Futuramas. Anyway, here goes.?

30 for 30: Price of Gold This is a rehashing of the Nancy Kerrigan knee capping. Nancy Kerrigan herself did not sit for an interview, but her husband (who was also her old manager… SKETCH-EEE) did. However, Tonya Harding gives extensive interviews and the movie delves into her “hard life” (waaa, her mother hit her with a hairbrush one time) and she comes off really sympathetically. However, I watched another recent documentary about the incident. NBC aired one after the Olympics and Nancy Kerrigan was interviewed and whoa, Tonya Harding comes off as a psychopath and undid all the good that this 30 for 30 did.

Blue is the Warmest Color WHOA. So much naked. So so very much naked. All the naked. My eyes. Um. Where was I? It’s about a high school senior in France figuring out her sexuality through naked. It’s rated NC-17, which I didn’t find out till after, when I was just like, how is Netflix running pornography now? The movie is also in French, so you can’t even look away like the nice Catholic prude you were raised to be. However, if much naked women is your bag. You’re welcome. Don’t say I never did nothing for you.

Rush This movie is about a (real life, I guess, I meant to google, but forgot) race car driver rivalry. It’s great. I hate those rivalry movies where you are clearly supposed to root for one particular guy over the other (like Amadeus) this is much more balanced. And the movie made race car driving seem interesting!

The Spectacular Now Um… this movie is about high school seniors. Popular guy woos awkward comic book nerd girl after popular cheerleader dumps him. It sounds cliche, but they do it in a different enough way that it’s not boring. It’s not great either though. I give it two and a half Mellencamps.

Mr Nobody This movie was so long. Oh God. Why would it not end? Like, I felt there was some technology at play where they kept filming and adding on to the movie *as* I was watching it. This is three, maybe four movies, in one and that is just too much. Plus, they kick you straight in the nards at the end with the whole “none of this is real.” Complete with cackling laughter.

Red 2 This movie is cute and fun. Lots of shooting and explosions and “twists” (sure, you see them coming a mile away, but you pretend you don’t!) The exact right people die, *slow claps* Brava!

All is Lost O_o This is two hours of Robert Redford sailing. In the first minute, he awakes to discover his boat has taken on a lot of water, he is alone and ALL his radio equipment is destroyed by water. O_o So for two hours, he tries to survive. Oh, there is almost no speaking. Which, as I sat in my living room watching this movie alone, cursing and mocking it nonstop, struck me as hilarious. Just because you’re by yourself doesn’t mean you can’t talk. In fact, the silence seemed so forced — he doesn’t say “crap, I forgot the bag” or “Arrrgh, damn you Neptune!” and then shakes his fist? Boo. What? Is that weird? Are you not supposed to curse Neptune aloud when you’re alone on a sinking ship?

Running Scared Um. When Paul Walker died, everyone said this was his best movie ever, so I rented it. Those people are liars. Fast and Furious six was his best movie ever and I could have saved myself the month of waiting for Running Scared to become available and the three hours of bizarro chase scenes. Blargh. It was okay, I suppose. But twas no Fast and Furious six.

Machete Kills Mindless fun. Delivers on its title right away. Two machetes up! Looking forward to the next installment: Machete Kills in Space! I’m not kidding.

I’ve Loved You So Long Another french movie. And, a French movie I think I’ve seen before. It’s about a former doctor who kills her son, goes to prison and then has to live with the little sister she left behind before serving her fifteen year sentence. It’s good. I didn’t need to see it twice. But, obviously, it wasn’t memorable enough for me not to rent it again, but the synopsis is good enough to get you to rent it twice. Or something.

Enough Said I believe this was James Gandolfini’s last movie. I hereby declare it his best. Also, the Seinfeld woman’s best too. It’s about middle aged people dating. So awkward, yet very well done.

St. Trinian’s Two I love David Tennant. I will see anything if David Tennant is in it. David Tennant is in this. It’s very silly, but eh, I’ve got nothing else going on.

Elephant It’s basically a Columbine scenario movie. But shot all weirdly, from different perspectives and in a weird timeline. Eh, it’s not good.

Last Days From the same guy who did Elephant. I think it’s loosely based on Curt Kobain’s last days. Also, not good.

Dog kills boy

March 10th, 2014 by Dawn Summers

Nobody ever listens to me.